Always let him lead you, and he will clear the road for you to follow.

Proverbs 3:6 CEV

Welcome to our 31 days of writing!  The month of October will be devoted to digging into the words within Cindi & Hugh McMenamin’s book “When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection.”  I will read one chapter a day and summarize what I’ve gotten out of the chapter and how we can all apply this to our lives and our marriages to make them the best that they can be.  Are you ready to put forth your best effort in reconnecting with your spouse to rekindle the intimacy and companionship?
Are you enjoying the journey?
Cindi & Hugh begin by asking you to acknowledge that your marriage isn’t everything you had hoped and dreamed it would be.  Realize that each of us go into marriage with high expectations, and due to this, we are often times disappointed.  Our marriages are often times NOT like those depicted on the screen in the fairy tale romances where every day is filled with romance, passion, and gushing love.  I know my marriage hasn’t been smooth sailing the entire time that we’ve been together, so I will be the first to admit that I’m a hopeless romantic and my expectations going into the marriage have not been met.

Marriage is much more than the “happily ever after” that we see in the movies.  It’s about enjoying this journey with the individual that is completely different than you.  It’s about enjoying getting through all of this with this one person that you’ve give your heart to and vowed to love, honor, and cherish all the days of your lives.  Yes, even on the hard days!  Even when times are tough, and you feel like you are at your wits end with this individual.  You still have to be committed to them, to your vows, to making this work … and making it LAST!

In this first chapter, they speak of how marriage is a lot like flying (I was hopeful that this would keep my husband’s interest and that he’d be more inclined to read and stick with this book since he likes flying and even took flying lessons.  We’ll see how he sticks with this for the month of October).  There are things that you have to do prior to boarding the plane, and when you’re a passenger, you are pretty much committed once you step foot on the plane.  There is no way out once you’re in the air flying away to your destination.  The same should apply here with marriage.  You each walked down that aisle on your wedding day and committed yourselves to each other … for life!  IF you meant it, then you took your marriage vows seriously and divorce will not ever be in your vocabulary because you will be determined to work things out even when the going gets tough and there is turbulence in your marriage.  Trust me, friends.  There will be some form of turbulence in your marriage at some point or another.  It’s how you weather the storms and the bumps when you’re in route to your destination that will determine whether your marriage will stand the test of time.  Don’t look for an easy way out.  Instead, be committed and determined to make this work and last a lifetime!

Cindi & Hugh offer several tips on some of the things that they have learned through the years:

1.  Realize you don’t know it all.  (As much as we’d like to think we know it all, we don’t … especially when it comes to the opposite sex and the unique individuals that we’ve married.  Our future is the great unknown.  Pay attention as you go into this … to your spouse, to yourselves, and how you respond to them, especially in trying times!)

2.  Expect the unexpected.  (Things will not always be smooth sailing.  You will face your own storms in your marriage.  It is how you two get through it together that matters and makes all of the difference in the world!  My husband and I have had horrible things thrown at us right from the start with my sister’s suicide, then my ruptured ectopic pregnancy and problems trying to conceive afterwards, his secret addiction and intimacy disorder, etc.  It’s been hard!  I am not going to sugar coat it.  We have faced so many things that would tear a normal couple apart, but some how, we have managed to hang in there when others would have thrown in the towel a long time ago.)

3.  Remember you’re in it for the long haul.  (Marriage is designed to be a forever commitment.  This means literally “for better or worse, in sickness and health, till death do us part.”  Mean it!  You can’t just be there in the good and happy times.  Show compassion, care and concern for your spouse when they are at their worse and when they are sick … be there when they need you the most!)

4.  Receive help along the way.  (Your relationship truly is in God’s hands, and He has placed people in your lives that can mentor to you when you need it the most.  Accept their help along the way!  Whether it’s an older couple that can help guide you or a trusted, Christian friend that wants the best for your marriage.  Be careful who you turn to for advice, though.  Not everyone will have your best interest at heart.  Make sure they are godly influences that will support and encourage your marriage.)

5.  Invest in some in-flight (or midlife!) entertainment.  (Keep things fresh in your marriage.  Don’t let things go stale or become boring.  Go on dates, take that vacation, do some traveling, and ENJOY each other along the way!  This matters a whole lot.  Share common interests together.  If your spouse spends more time with others doing things that they like than with you, it’s bound to cause problems, though.  Spend time together as a couple doing something that you love – for us, it’s horseback riding!)

6.  Handle the takeoffs and landings carefully.  (Those are the most important things when you’re flying.  It should be in your marriage also.  Remember how you started out and how in love you once were.  It’s never too late to begin again.  If you feel like your marriage hasn’t been what you have wanted it to be, don’t give up and don’t lose hope.  Decide to begin again.  Have a fresh start … do it today!  Then realize that you both have choices here.  You can start each morning by being sour to your mate or you can greet them with a hug and kiss each morning before you start your day.  Snuggle in bed together.  Take some extra time to just hold your mate close before getting right up and starting your day.  Do the same thing at night.  Make sure you take time with your spouse and connect.  Talk, share your day, your thoughts, feelings, and yes, your hopes and dreams, too.  Bond with them.  Snuggle, cuddle, hold hands, and drift off to sleep in each other’s arms.  Life gets busy, but when you’re too busy for quality time with your spouse, something is seriously wrong.  Fix it!  It’s all about choices here.  You DO have a choice!)

Tune in tomorrow for … Leaving Self On The Shelf.

For all in the series thus far, click here.