Life throws so much at us until we wonder how we can handle it all. That is when you need to take some time away to just … play!
More often than not, you will find me laughing and being silly. Some people appreciate this side of me while others aren’t too fond of it at all. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not being silly in a disrespectful way, nor am I being silly at an inappropriate time (ie: a funeral or in church). Instead, there are times when my moments of silliness are at precisely the exact time I feel I am going to lose it.
Recently, we’ve dealt with my mother-in-laws fight with terminal cancer that lead to her agonzing death. We had mixed feelings of relief now that she was no longer suffering, mixed in with feelings of guilt because who, in their right mind, things stuff like this when we’d rather have her here with us. But … that is us selfishly wanting her on this earth, but not in the shape she was in during her last months, days, and even hours.
Then, as if months of this wasn’t enough, the 16th anniversary of my sister’s suicide rolled around. That is always a hard time as so many bad memories come flooding in no matter how hard I try to block them out. I can still feel the overwhelming emotions I had when pulling into her driveway to see cop cars every where and my father in such a helpless, broken state. Although I try hard not to re-live those moments, they are there. Thankfully, I did manage to make it through July 9th again this year despite all of that; July 9th is otherwise known as our “D-Day.”
Instead of crawling in a hole or throwing the covers back over my head, as tempting as it is at times, I continue to move forward. And, in doing so, I incorporate moments of play and silliness as well. It helps heal my soul.
There are various ways in which I “play.” From plucking my favorite horse from her pasture, sliding the bit into her mouth and grasping the reins as I softly sit on her bareback for a quick ride around the yard, to splashing my 12 year old daughter in our pool, to dancing wildly in the kitchen with my children laughing instead of joining in … all of which are good for my soul!
And so I ride …
I splash …
I dance …
Because although there are moments in life that bring us to our knees, God meets us there giving us the strength to go on. We still have loved ones here that need us, and so we press on. We have a purpose in this life, and as they some times say, “There is purpose in the pain.” For me, there is distinct purpose in my play time!