“It’s not aggressive …”
His voice trailed off as I clutched the phone in my hand, the news assaulting my ears and devastating my heart and soul.
My world seemingly crumbled at my feet, and the tears rushed in like a full waterfall after weeks of rain, placing a tight ball in my throat rendering me unable to speak.
I sat in silence as he continued, “The news isn’t what we had hoped and prayed for, but this is a part of my journey here on earth. What’s that saying? ‘It is what it is’ …”
I struggled to regain my composure and force a response that wouldn’t let on that tears were streaming down my face, but he knew. He always knows.
Immediately, I wanted to swoop in and fix it! I wanted to solve all of his problems and take any and all burdens from him.
And yet …
This one is completely out of my control.
We spoke for a few more minutes, trying to make peace with this news that no one ever wants to hear. Then as we ended the call, I broke down completely with gut wrenching sobs escaping my lips. There was no stopping the wailing cries that were coming from what felt like my toes traveling up to escape, while the pain reflected on my face.
I didn’t care about anything at that moment, except this dear person’s life and survival!
Trying to process the news that took the breath right out of my lungs, I could feel the anger rising within me.
“WHY, GOD?!?! WHY HIM?!?!
We PRAYED to you! We asked YOU for good results from the biopsy, not THIS!
Why would you take a good man … and put him through SO MUCH in his lifetime!?
With fists and teeth clenched, I yelled out WHY, GOD!?!
YOU SAID all we needed was faith as small as a mustard seed, and we have MORE than that. Yet, you allowed this!
It’s not fair! Why do the bad people in the world seem to skate by without any thing bad happening to them? And yet this man … you make suffer.”
Anger is a very strong emotion! Although we are taught not to question God, it is only human nature to do so! It isn’t a sin, by the way. And, He can handle it. He IS God, after all.
The important thing is to get it all out; yell, scream, cry, even shake your fists at God!
Just DO NOT turn from Him!
And we won’t!
After having a meltdown or two, fussing and reasoning with God … I finally gathered all of the shattered pieces of my heart and turned them back over to Him.
“Help him, Lord … heal him on THIS side of Heaven! We want to keep him here with us. Please, God … please!”