If you know me, you know I love to sing.  I’ve written previously about how my chorus teacher in middle school believed in me and gave a quiet, reserved girl a solo part during a televised event at my school.  Although he has now passed away, the care he took with his students lives on in me and many others who were blessed having him as our teacher all those years ago.

Since that time, I have sung in church choirs and in several start-up bands.  I’ve also shared my love of music by singing hymns with residents at nursing homes through the years.  One impromptu song was even sang at the bedside of a young, troubled, rebellious teenager who was in a serious car accident.  She was having a manic episode at the time of the car accident, and she was very lucky and blessed to still be alive after her car flipped on the interstate into oncoming traffic.  When I received the phone call, I went to the hospital to be with the family.  I was told she was asking for me, and I was allowed to go see her in the emergency room.  When I walked up to her bedside, she looked over at me and asked me to sing for her.  I was in tears and thanking God for sparing her life, and she was requesting that I sing for her.  We sang together at a Valentine’s Day Banquet at our church once, and it was truly beautiful.  What an honor it was right there in that hospital room to sing for her!  That is a day I’ll never forget.

There was an older lady that always encouraged my singing as well.  She invited me to her house on numerous occasions for me to sing for her.  A few times I shared some interpretative movement we were teaching at our church for her to enjoy.  Ten years ago, my friend and I went to her house to sing for her, and she was so happy to open her home to us both.  She loved to play the piano or keyboard, and on occasions, she would play while we sang.  Other times, I had a performance track CD with the music that I sang to while she recorded me on her camera.  She was an elderly lady well into her 70s, but she was computer savvy and would upload the videos to her computer to enjoy later.  She was a believer in our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and she always encouraged me to use my God-given talents for the Lord.  Sadly, she passed away the very next Spring.  I’ll always look back at those times we shared together with great fondness.  Oh, what wonderful memories with this sweet lady!

I went on to attend a new church this past year, and in doing so, they had an assessment for us to take so we would know our spiritual gifts.  It’s no surprise that mine was music.  They quickly had me audition and added me to the worship team shortly thereafter.  I was thrilled to share my voice to usher our congregation into the presence of God at the beginning of our services.  Things took a turn not long after I began singing with the team, though.  Although I had a true heart of worship, humbling myself before God as I sang, we were encouraged to “smile” and be sure not to close our eyes for too long as we would lose our audience.  We were told that it wasn’t about our worship at that point but about setting the atmosphere for others.  It felt a little odd to me doing that because in churches I have been in before, you feel the Holy Spirit moving as you worship.  Others around you begin to worship as they feel the Holy Spirit as well.  So, closing my eyes in the moment I’m worshipping God seems natural to me.  Although I know it’s not just me and God at that moment I’m on the platform as there were others beside me and in the congregation singing along, it just felt strange to “put on a show” so to speak.  Where is the true heart of worship when you’re up there performing instead of ministering?  I found out soon enough that I just did not fit in.  Others in the back sound booth were watching my body language on the platform, and they would comment when they felt I looked more comfortable.  Little did they know that five minutes before stepping on the platform, I had been criticized in some fashion while still expecting me to put on a smiling face.  One time, I was told I was singing the wrong part five minutes before I was to go out for the second service.  Now, the first service I did just fine and was singing the soprano part, and I am a natural Soprano.  However, right before the second service when I was leading a song, I was told I should have been singing Alto.  I was confused at first, but I’m happy this took place in front of another on the team.  We both said that I was singing the right part of the soprano, to which they said, “Oh, my bad.”  But it was little things like that right before I was to go out there that chipped away at my self confidence and self esteem.  Other times, fellow worship team members were making it about themselves, even stepping in front of me on several occasions when they were leading a song, blocking me completely from being seen.  Then there were the times I was “called down” by other team members regarding how I was singing when the worship manager did not have a problem with my singing at all.  Since he was over the whole team, he would have corrected me if he felt I was singing out of tune or singing the wrong notes.  However, he did not.  It seemed like there were “too many chiefs and not enough Indians,” meaning people that weren’t in charge and had no right telling people what to do were doing it.  They would take it upon themselves to change different things when it was not their place.  While it should have been about God, I kept feeling like they were more concerned with “self.”  I knew I did not want to be involved in that.  It’s almost like when you think you want something so bad, but then you get to do it and find it isn’t at all what you thought it would be.  It was exactly like that.  I thought I wanted to be on their worship team so badly.  Yet once I was and saw how things operated behind the scenes and on the platform, it was completely different than I thought it would be.  It did not feel too good.  There were so many occasions I left the Wednesday night practice or Sunday morning service feeling down instead of uplifted.  Other times I felt ridiculed instead of appreciated for the talent I brought to the team.  At one point, it was mentioned by another in the congregation that my daughter should join the worship team, as they found out she sang also.  However, I knew that was not a good idea.  I did not like how they were treating me, so I definitely would not put her in a position to be torn apart in different ways by this “team.”  It soon became obvious that trust was lacking by how they were handling me, and I knew without a doubt I could not set her up to be on the receiving end of this ill treatment.  I did not want any of them to be the reason she stopped pursuing her passion or using her angelic voice.

After stepping away from this church and worship team, I still had the desire to use my voice for praising and worshipping God.  I saw an advertisement for an interest party for a new church that was being planted in a neighboring town.  I mentioned it to my husband, and he was on board.   We attended the interest party that weekend and learned more about the new church, and we became excited to be a part of it.  We had only ever gone to churches that were already established.  This would be our first involvement with a church plant.  We would get to see firsthand how all of the pieces fit together, and we would be an active part of it all working for the Lord to reach others in the community.  One thing struck me immediately when I walked into that interest party.  Everyone was so warm and welcoming, genuinely happy that we were there.  It didn’t feel like the fake greetings at some churches.  There was one lady that greeted us at the door that I would later learn was the worship leader!   She smiled and ushered us in, and I will never forget how she made me feel like a part of it all from the very start.  After the pastor spoke, he had connection cards for us to complete if we wanted to know more about the church or be involved.  I completed my card and, of course, wrote that I would like to be involved on the worship team.  Shortly thereafter, the lady with the beautiful smile came over again and introduced me to the pastor and his wife.  They all seemed sincerely happy that we were there and eager to serve.

Fast forward two months, and we have felt more at home and a part of this church than we ever did the seven months we were involved with the previous church mentioned.  The families involved in this church plant are true, faithful, committed servants of the Lord seeking to reach the lost 48% in the community that are unchurched or de-churched.  We are proud to stand alongside our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ on their mission for this church.

Honestly, I was a bit nervous at the very first practice I had with this new worship team due to what happened with the last team I was involved with.  However, all of that faded away as I began to sing with them.  Our voices blended together so well, and we complemented each other’s voices nicely.  It was like we had been singing together for years and years, when this was only our first time together.  That was definitely God!  I left the practice feeling incredible!  It was like I was finally “home” with these beautiful people.  On the ride home as my husband and I were talking, I received a text message from the pastor’s wife.  As I began to read her message, tears filled my eyes and spilled out onto my cheeks.  She touched my heart completely, as she said I was an answer to their prayers.  She said she had been praying, and she knew God answered her prayers by sending me to them the moment she heard me sing the first note.  Little did she know, they were an answer to MY prayers as well.  God knew all along, on both sides, and orchestrated this as part of His plan.  Thank you, God!

Last Thursday, I participated in my very first worship night with my new church family.   I opened the worship with a simple song made popular by Chris Tomlin entitled We Fall Down.  It’s a sweet song saying how we fall down and lay our crowns at the feet of Jesus, as we cry Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lamb!  Others on the worship team joined in on the second time singing this, and it was so beautifully touching.  I got chills as Holy Spirit moved in that room.  We all, at some point or another, closed our eyes and worshipped the Lord while we sang.  I can honestly say every single one on our worship team has a heart of worship.  It’s not about them.  No one is wrapped up in “self.”  It is all for the glory and honor of our Lord, Jesus Christ.  As it should be!  He deserves ALL of our praises.

Thank you, God, for my new church family.  Thank you for allowing me to be a part of this new church plant as we lock arms with fellow believers to reach lost souls and bring them to You.  Thank you that they see me for who I truly am, for them inviting me in, and loving on me right from the very start.  Thank you for them accepting me and allowing me to worship You humbly and with all of my heart.