The best things in life do not cost a single thing. I realize that money is needed to pay bills so that you have a house to live in, electricity in your home, food on the table, etc. They are necessities that we often times take for granted. We are so blessed in this life and have more than we truly need in material things. But, what about heart things? Those moments that take our breath away?
To me, some of the best things in life are cuddling on the couch watching a movie with your love, holding hands, and feeling their arms wrapped securely around you. I also love cuddling with my children as we take turns reading pages in a book, or our snuggle time right before bed. The quiet moments we share together are so precious to me. The whispers before they drift off to sleep after I’ve tucked them in for the night. How they ask me to give them a mini facial as they prepare for dreamland, and I watch as all of the worries of their day melt away.
How about calls from your parents just to say that they are thinking of you and they love you? I treasure those. They just want to check on you and let you know that they care. Or, like my dad just did out of the blue – he sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers to my work. I did not expect it at all, and yet he did something so sweet that just melted my heart completely. I love my parents, and my dad is one heck of a man! There should be more men in the world like him.
And then there’s time spent with my best friend … my horse, Sugar. There’s nothing like grooming her and getting her all ready to ride, and then when I lift myself up in the stir ups and sit on top of this beautiful horse, I feel more alive than I have in a very long time. Feeling every single movement as she slowly walks along, feeling as if we are one – my partner and I.
I especially love getting together with old friends and laughing until we cry or leaving with our faces hurting from all the laughing and smiling that we’ve done. And the hugging and praying together, holding hands and clinging to each other as words are lifted up to our Heavenly Father on one of our friend’s behalf as we did this past weekend … there are no words to describe how that feels joining together in prayer. For when two or more are gathered in HIs name …
These, sweet people of the universe, are some of the best things in life. Nothing compares to them or could even come close!
Take time to appreciate the people in your life and make time for them. You don’t have to spend a lot of money, but be intentional with your time. Give the gift of your time to others. Something magical will happen. You will be touching someone’s heart completely, and at the same time, your heart will be blessed also!
God has given us this beautiful, amazing life … some times there will be rough spots along the way, but He is there through every single one of them walking right beside you, and even carrying you when needed.
Love this life that you’ve been given. It is yours. No one can live it like you can. God has called you to live, to love, to show care and compassion for others around you. Treasure and cherish the people that are in your lives. They may not always be there. We never know when God will call one of us home.
Wow! That is all I can say about this past weekend. I finally got to meet and hug my best friends of 17 years in person!
The internet can be a very valuable tool. It contains a wealth of information to educate us. It can be used to bring people together as it did with these precious ladies that I had the pleasure of spending time with this weekend. If used wisely, beautiful things can come from the internet. Our friendship is one that I will forever be grateful for and will treasure for all time. It is hard to believe that with a bond as strong as ours that it came from the internet … having never met face-to-face before now. But, that is the beauty in it. We shared our inner most thoughts and feelings all of these years with each other, and I cherish that!
There will be more to this story, but for now, just know that we shared a LOT of laughter, and yes some tears as well. These ladies are precious to me!
This weekend was exactly what my heart and soul needed.
Today I am going to skip my usual participation in the Five Minute Friday linkup. What’s that, you might ask, if you’re just joining us? Well, a prompt word is provided to get the writer’s juices flowing, and everyone is encouraged to write for five whole minutes without worrying about getting it just right. However, today of all days, that is not necessary as I know EXACTLY what I would like to write about, and it will be perfect … because of the subject!
Friends For A Lifetime!
That’s right!
Seventeen years ago, I ventured onto a website that would change my life forever. I had seen the television network on my satellite and had started watching it. One day an advertisement was on for the Lifetime Lounge. I thought, “What in the world …” Curiosity got the best of me, and so it wasn’t long before I was going to my computer to enter that website to find out exactly what this place was all about. Little did I realize at the time that my entire life would be changed by going into that website that very day.
At first I was shy and just sat back to read the exchanges. When I felt brave enough, I jumped in with the conversation. Feeling as if I never quite fit in when I was in school, I was not even sure anyone would respond to my posts in there. I was easily ignored and looked over in real life, so I did not expect it to be any different in a “virtual world.” Much to my surprise, though, not only did people respond, but at one point I seemed to be one of the most popular people in there. I was surprised when later one of the ladies told me that she was feeling so good about herself because I ~the popular one in her eyes~ acknowledged her, too. Wow. We were both feeling this in our personal lives – ignored, overlooked, of little value and worth, unpopular, neglected, and unloved~ and here, in our virtual world, we mattered! A lot! We were accepted, we were loved, we were valued!
We started having deep conversations about some really important matters in our lives. Over time, we began to share more about our lives, our struggles, and before you know it, we took our conversations from a very public forum into private emails to share the depths of our hearts and minds with each other.
The day I ventured into that virtual world changed my life forever … in the absolute most positive way! Little did I know that by clicking on this website I would make friends for a lifetime IN the Lifetime Lounge, no less. 🙂 It’s true, though. It happened. We are forever cemented to each other after all that we shared!
Although the website was primarily for women, there were a few brave men that ventured into the site as well out of curiosity. They saw the craziness of these womenfolk and decided to stay.
Oh the conversations were serious, but there was also some very silly times in there as well. It was the MOST FUN, too!!!
We laughed … we cried … we bonded. We became sisters and brothers of the heart. Nothing is stronger than the bond you have with individuals that have come alongside of you through the good, bad, and ugly times in your lives. That is exactly what happened, too, and 17 years later, these wonderful people are still by my side.
We have seen each other through some of the hardest things to have to endure in life. From my divorce, to life as a now-single-mom and all the struggles that went with it, to my sister’s suicide and the horrible aftermath that survivors face, to my parent’s both being diagnosed with different types of cancers, to their treatment and recovery, to my remarrying, to my ruptured ectopic pregnancy that almost claimed my life, to the infertility issues and treatments I endured to conceive after losing one of my tubes, to the absolute best celebration this side of Heaven when my miracle baby was finally placed into my arms for the first time, to watching my babies grow up in pictures on the screen, to the struggles of having a teenage driver in the house, to being bullied on the job, to my grandmother’s two year struggle to stay alive and ultimately to her taking her final breath, to getting thrown from a horse and recovering from fractures, and from yet another broken heart … these precious people have been by my side the ENTIRE time encouraging me, supporting me, loving me, inspiring me, holding me up on many occasions when I felt as if I could not go on … they lifted me up and carried me right along with God. Picture God cradling me in His arms as He is carrying me with many extra hands holding me right alongside of Him as these angels here on earth helped me through each and every hardship I have had to face in the past 17 years.
We have shared some good times in there. Please know it was not all bad. Not at all. And I supported them as well, although I do not feel it right to share the struggles they have faced. It is not my place, but I will speak freely about those of my own.
Today … ah, today, I will be traveling to meet these precious ladies that have been my lifeline through the years. Yes, we are meeting for the very first time in 17 years of friendship. These friends for a lifetime have no idea what they are in for today when we see each other face-to-face for the very first time. Lots of hugs, lots of tears, and lots of laughter … that is what is in store this weekend.
You have probably heard the saying, “Time Waits For No One.” It’s true. Time keeps marching on whether we want it to or not.
Looking back through the years, it seemed like time was dragging by in my childhood days. Once I became an adult, though, time started to go by faster and faster – too fast for my liking! It seemed like I wouldn’t ever get through school and finally graduate, but after graduation, weeks quickly turned into months, then years, and now I look around and wonder where did the past 25 years go?
When I had my babies and was awake in the wee morning hours trying to comfort my little one with a severe case of colic, I didn’t think the hands on the clock were moving at all. Time seemed to crawl as this sleep deprived mama just wanted to lay her head down, but no rest was to be found until the right combination of gas relief drops and formula were used to combat the colic (along with riding my baby around in the middle of the night as nothing seemed to soothe her unless she was in the moving vehicle). Now, my little baby is all grown up and is a Senior in high school talking about going off to college. This leaves me wondering where has the time gone? It seems like I blinked my eyes, and she’s all grown up!
I wish I could grasp the hands of time and make them go slowly now … instead of the days racing by. My youngest daughter will soon be celebrating her 10th birthday. Oh my! It seemed like only yesterday I was cradling my little miracle baby in my arms for the first time with tears of joy streaming down my face as her little fingers wrapped around my index finger. Now, she’s walking around in her cowboy boots and Western hat jumping on the back of her horse to ride off into the sunset (okay, maybe not that dramatic, but you get the idea). She has always been a strong willed I-can-do-it-myself type of girl. Now is no different as I watch her gain the respect and control of her very large horse as she leads her around.
Time waits for no one! No one I tell you!
And then there is the other saying, “Time heals all wounds.” Is this really true? Has time really healed the wound, or is the wound still there but covered by other things to mask the pain we’re feeling? Has time allowed healing to occur since it has put some distance in between the initial shock of the moment and the present day where we’ve been allowed to deal with the issue? It’s something to think about.
But time marches on. Whether we like it or not. That is why it is so important to capture every memory-making-moment possible. Take advantage of the time you do have with your family and friends. Not a single person is guaranteed the gift of another day. We never know when our time will be up, and when God will call us home to be with Him. I pray that He allows me to be here for many, many, many more years with my daughters, but this is not promised to any one. Make the most of the time you have been given. Right here, right now, this very moment. Reach out while you still have time and let someone know that you care, that you love them, you’re thinking of them, and you’re thankful for the times you’ve shared with them.
Time waits for no one. Stop wasting time and get out there and do something for and with someone near and dear to your heart … so that when your time is up, you will leave a beautiful legacy behind.
We have now said goodbye to August and hello to September! With a new month comes a new challenge. On this Take Action Tuesday, we would like to challenge you to simply unplug. Yes, that’s right. In this world filled with all kinds of technology, gadgets, and devices, we are issuing a challenge to unplug! Turn off those devices. Don’t just put them on vibrate as they will still be a distraction for you when you’re with friends and family. Turn it OFF … or better yet, leave it at home! Now, I know that right there will send some of you into shock at the mere thought of leaving your precious smart phones at … ~gasps of horror~ home! It CAN be done, and you WILL live to tell about it. I PROMISE!
Think about how it used to be in ancient history when dinosaurs walked the face of the earth (smile, that one was for my daughter who thinks I’m as old as dirt at times). There was no such thing as a smart phone back then. You had no other choice but to play in your cave or entertain yourselves outside being one with nature.
Technology has advanced so much through the years that we have every kind of device you can think of. There’s the desk top computer, the lap top, the iPad, Nook Color, iPhones, i-Pad minis, i-Pods, etc., etc., etc. Who needs ALL of those things?! We certainly think we do, but the world continued to spin around all those years we went without those devices, too! We were forced to actually be creative and use our imaginations back then when we would play Cowboys and Indians.
How many times have you been in the presence of someone and felt completely alone or ignored by them because they had their cell phones out? I have been guilty of checking the phone when I hear the “ding” or that special tone that goes off indicating a new text message, email, or Facebook message. I was really bad about it at one point, but I have since learned to do exactly what I’m asking each of my readers to do – I learned to unplug, to leave that phone at home, or to leave it on the seat of my car as I went off trail riding! Yes, it’s possible to live without being glued to our smart phones! I am proof!
One major disadvantage that came along with the smart phones is easy access. Everyone has such easy access to you that they end up getting mad when they are unable to reach you. This happens when employers give a smart phone to their employees expecting them to be able to reach the employee at all times – even after hours! They are expected to keep up with emails and respond immediately, even if that means taking time away from their families. Sad, but true. I can understand if you’re on call at your job, but for an employer to say that you don’t work a simple 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. job and that you’re supposed to be readily available at any given hour of the day or night? That’s ridiculous! People need and deserve time off and time spent with family without the burden of constantly having to carry their work phones with them. That is asking a bit much, in my opinion! People are allowed some down time and vacation time with their families! Whatever happened to Family First?!
What about friends that have gotten mad when they’ve sent text messages that have seemingly gone ignored when you’ve chosen to put your phone away? That has just recently happened to my daughter. She put her phone away this weekend when we were together, and while it was a delight for me to have my daughter’s undivided attention, her friend soon took issue with it and accused my daughter of ignoring her. A series of heated text messages followed from this person to my daughter, too, which was truly uncalled for! So for this, I might add letting people know of your intend to unplug so they don’t get mad, or (in the case of some of my friends), concerned and worried when they don’t hear from you on a regular basis as they are used to doing. (Now, though, my friends know that if they haven’t heard from me, it’s probably because I’m on the back of my horse trail riding some where or out back grooming them.)
With that said, consider accepting our challenge so that you are able to enjoy life simply and peacefully without carrying that smart phone or any other device around that connects you to the world wide web or allows others instant access to you all of the time. You and your family deserve some time just for yourselves without the outside interruptions that dings, buzzes, and beeps bring.
Pull yourself away from your devices long enough to give the person you’re with your undivided attention. Something beautiful will happen. You will actually connect on a deeper level with the person that you’re seated next to, and you will get to know them better by having uninterrupted conversations with them. They will feel important and close to you! Relationships will improve! And opportunities for memory-making-moments will be introduced.
So, give it a try. Let those you know and love in on what you’re doing, and challenge them to do the same!
Here’s to everyone that wishes to unplug even if it’s just every once in a while.
If you’ve been with Light Love Hope for a while now, you know that we love Joyce Meyer and Joel Osteen. I have read several of Joyce Meyer’s books, and I have her daily devotional on my phone with the Bible App. I also have a daily devotional book written by Joyce Meyer as well. My husband is a big Joel Osteen fan, and while we have many books written by him, my husband reads Joel’s daily devotional every morning. It doesn’t take long to read through what the devotional has to offer for that day, but the message stays with you throughout the day. You find that with both Joyce and Joel, you meditate on their words throughout the day. You find ways to apply what they’ve said to your life. I especially love the bible verses referenced and how it is biblically based. Some have argued about these two Christian speakers, but I have not found anything in my reading or in seeing them live in person that has not been in line with the Word of God.
With that said, imagine our excitement to learn that not only does Joyce have a new book to add to our collection, but Joel does as well! I can hardly wait to get my hands on a copy of Living Courageously by Joyce Meyer and You Can You Will by Joel Osteen. I enjoy reading their words of wisdom and how they speak the gospel. Having seen both Joyce and Joel in person at their events, I can almost hear them speaking with such power and conviction as I read the words in their books.
Speaking of daily devotionals, Aaron Tabor has a 365 Interactive Devotional entitled Jesus Daily. While I have not read Aaron Tabor’s work before, I am excited to see what he has to offer to inspire and uplift as we prepare to greet the day.
If you are looking for a good Christian Fiction book to read, you may be interested in AD30 by Ted Dekker. While I have not yet read this book, (as I tend to lean more toward self help type books, devotionals, and Non-Fiction), I may just give this book a try. From what I understand, it takes place in the year of our Lord, AD30. Wouldn’t that be an interesting read? I think so!
If you’re wondering where we found these jewels, it’s at a little store called Family Christian. You can shop online, or you can visit their various locations. We have two within driving distance that we frequent. I could spend hours in that store (and have … just ask my husband!). From Bibles, to candles, jewelry, prints, music, even performance tracks … they just about have everything you can think of to inspire your soul right there in their store! Check them out! They are sure to become a favorite of yours as well.
What is now upon us? American Indian Heritage Month. What does this mean? To many, not much. We have many (Insert race) Heritage History months.
What does it mean to me being Native American (Comanche)? Being raised by a mother who was raised on a reservation, being taught Native American culture, language and history along with the same from my fathers side or “taibo.”
I spent the better part of my early school years living a life that was similar to the lyrics of the Cher song “Half Breed.” I had longer hair than many of the girls in my elementary school and even had a bird feather left on my school desk by a wanna-be-bully.
I have always been more drawn to that part of my heritage than my “taibo” side. My mother had my naming ceremony early in my life, but I have very little memory of that day. I do, however have a deep and binding tie to that name. I don’t know how my mother knew me so well at that young age (I was 3) of what I would become as an adult. She gave me the name “Waya Ka-ni” which loosely translated means “Wolf who watches over.”
I met my spirit guide when I was a young teen after my mother passed away — a large black wolf, who has been with me my entire life since that first meeting. My life, personality and values are that of a wolf. How she knew. I’ll never know.
Native heritage, Native culture, Native beliefs. What does all that mean? How can anyone begin to understand in simply 30 days? I don’t think that anyone can. However, I do believe in the awareness brought up by the media; showing that the Native peoples of America have a deep, rich and very long culture, deeply rooted in the life force that is Mother Earth. We all come from her. All races, colors and beliefs start with Mother Earth, and it is to her we will all return. Now this is all that I have believed, what I have been taught. Every living thing has a spirit, and if you only listen, you can hear them. To this day, I can still hear my mother. Her name was “Tauni-mara” (which means North Wind).
Native American people have deep beliefs in community, “It’s not what you have, it’s what you have to give.”
I was asked once by an adorable nine year old girl, “Are Indians dirty?” Was I offended? How could one be offended by such an innocent question. Over the decades Native people have been portrayed as “savages,” “uncultured,” “barbarians”. People always fear what they do not know. In this case this sweet little girl was simply curious and asked a question probably based on some photos she had seen in school depicting Indians living in teepees. I answered her simply, “No we are not, we are as clean as you and your family.”
My second example would be driving to work. I have on occasion seen someone having a dream catcher hanging from their rear view mirrors. I can only chuckle. Why, you ask? A dream catcher should only be hung where you sleep, so I chuckle thinking that person must sleep a lot in their car. It’s not a decoration. To many Native people, it is a special tool for allowing their children to sleep soundly without nightmares. To allow them to come to the creator without fear.
I was told once by someone that they had “become Indian.” (Insert confused head tilt here.) Huh? My only guess to that is that this person was taking on the beliefs of Native people. Though, I am not sure of how one “becomes Indian.” I mention this because it is these situations that proves to me the need for a cultural awareness and education.
The Native cultures run long in history and deep in tradition. Some may seem to people silly or even ridiculous. I say to them, to many Native people the “taibo” can be just as silly and ridiculous. Just because it is different, does not make it any less important. Coming to a beginning of understanding that Native People are different – in every way. We may put on a suit and tie, or a lab coat, or a hard hat, but we are all still red men inside.
I have often suggested to, well, just about anyone that would listen, to find and attend a pow wow in their area. The beating drum is the living beating heart of the people. It is there you can gain a little more understanding of the Native people all around you. We are still here; Living our lives, raising our children, looking after our families.
I say “Thank you” for the American Heritage month. It’s a start, a start down a path of knowledge and understanding. A start to the appreciation of cultures that are long, deep and rich. We could celebrate a heritage month a little bit every day.
I am ever grateful for the teachings of my mother. Ever thankful to my ancestors for helping me.
Life is a circle. When my circle is close to completing, I will return to Mother Earth and to my ancestors and hope they accept me for trying to live my life with honor.
You have noticed that everything an Indian does is in a circle, and that is because the Power of the World always works in circles, and everything tries to be round … The Sky is round, and I have heard that the earth is round like a ball, and so are all the stars. The wind, in its greatest power, whirls. Birds make their nest in circles, for theirs is the same religion as ours…Even the seasons form a great circle in their changing, and always come back again to where they were. The life of a man is a circle from childhood to childhood, and so it is in everything where power moves. –Black Elk Oglala Sioux Holy Man
This is a follow up to a post that I wrote yesterday entitled Finish Strong. I spoke briefly about the accident I had involving a green horse, although we did not know at the time that this horse was green. I have been warned about “horse people” and how, unfortunately for us, not all are honest. However, I try to see the good in people and take them at their word. I learned a very valuable lesson here after the accident. As much as I want to see the good in people and believe that what they say is true, not every one is going to be honest. It’s sad, really, that any one would feel the need to be deceitful and to betray you … this could have cost me my life. Thank God it didn’t! And, within a few months of the accident, I’m back in the saddle again.
Today was a victorious day for me! Why is that, you may be wondering? Because I conquered my fear! Allow me to explain.
As soon as I was able to get around pretty good again, I wanted to get back up on a horse. I did not want to let much time pass at all before I got back on because I knew that the longer I waited, the more fear would set in. The likelihood of me getting back on a horse again would be slimmer and slimmer with each passing day as the post traumatic stress set in of holding on for dear life as the horse took me for the ride of my life (read: NOT an enjoyable moment!), then threw me off! I’m blessed to have only had the injuries that I sustained (a concussion, a fractured hand, and a fractured hip). It could have been much worse, but God was definitely protecting me!
The first time I tried to get back on a horse, I had overwhelming anxiety that slammed into me. I tried to calm myself because I know that the horse can sense my anxiety and become anxious themselves. Finally, I was able to just sit on the horse, and I was happy! I didn’t need to do anything more, just sit there. My husband became a little anxious himself when I leaned forward on my horse, Sugar. He wasn’t sure if I was falling off or what was going on, but I simply leaned forward to hug her with every fiber of my being. I love this little horse (no she was not the one that threw me – we no longer have that horse!) I just allowed myself to lay against this massive horse, to allow the love to flow from me directly into her beautiful reddish-brown and white patches on her muscular body. I just took a moment with my horse to show her nothing but pure love. I didn’t expect a single thing from her at that point. I just wanted to show her some love and appreciation!
The next time, I went a step further … until it brought me to the present day.
Today we went to our new friend’s house. They have a ranch where they break and train horses. We met them through a group specifically for animal lovers. They posted a horse, and we fell in love with this beauty. Within a few weeks, we were bringing this baby home! We purchased another horse from them after that as well.
My girls have really bonded with their twin 16 year old daughters. They are precious little red-heads that love horses – they live and breathe horses! My 17 year old daughter looks up to them while my nine year old daughter wants to be JUST like them. These young ladies have so much knowledge and skill for their age. It is quite impressive! They rope and barrel race, and they have a grand time doing it, too!
Today my family and I went to their ranch with two of our horses. We all saddled up and rode together in an arena until everyone felt comfortable enough on their horse to go on a trail ride. While we were in the arena, these young ladies really encouraged me to try to trot. Now, since I had been in the accident, anything with speed scares me. I was not sure if I could actually trot without fear of being taken on a wild ride like the one I had just recently recovered from. These young ladies offered me such encouragement, as did my family, and so I decided to at least try! And you know what? Not only did I trot, but I then got enough confidence to lope the horse – which means … speed! Was I nervous? Yes! Did I find courage within to just do it any way? ABSOLUTELY!
I rode their horse, Reno. This horse was not one that I was familiar with, so it took a lot for me to get on that horse not really “knowing” him or his behaviors. I did initially try to get my horse, Sugar, to trot, but she was just too lazy. She prefers to walk, which has been my preference up to this point as well! However, today, I had to try it. I had to conquer my fear. I had to put those flashbacks to bed and put them behind me so they no longer held any power over me. These flashbacks and this post traumatic stress was holding me back. It was preventing me from doing something that I had such passion about; riding horses! So, with my little group of cheerleaders gathered around, I hopped on Reno, took a deep breath and kicked the horse into a trot … and then into a lope! I did have a moment while in the lope that I felt some anxiety come over me, but I quickly dismissed it and carried on.
And you know what? IT FELT WONDERFUL!
These young ladies will never know how much their encouragement meant to me. They believed in me and my abilities when I did not believe in myself because of this fear that I was now carrying around with me. They stood on the sidelines cheering me on with smiles on their faces as I trotted … loped … and stopped with the biggest, widest smile spreading across my face!
One of these young ladies took a short video of me trotting. While it may seem like something small to a lot of people when they view this video, it is HUGE for me, especially considering the accident that I had! I made progress today. I found the courage deep within me with the help of God above, and I kicked this fear to the curb. I found such joy and happiness today, and the encouragement that I received touched my heart far more than they will ever know.
I left that ranch today with a new appreciation … and a sense of accomplishment! This one small step is opening the door for me to be a more confident rider and to live my dream again! Yes, Lord … YES!
My point in this is never ever judge another. I posted that video on Facebook, of all places, where I am sure to get raised eyebrows and maybe people are rolling their eyes as they watch it thinking it’s no big deal. Well, to them, it’s not. To me, it’s huge! So never judge another person as we truly do not know their story unless they open up and tell us. Unless they allow us in and share the details with you, you’ll never know what a person has gone through or is going through, so honestly, who are we to judge? Instead, stand on the sidelines of their life and cheer them on. Encourage them … and you never know what might happen. They just might be able to live their dream … you might be the one person that they needed that encouragement and support from to have them conquer their fears … and you might just get to witness one of the greatest moments in their life!
Yes, one small step … but perhaps, also, a huge turning point in one’s life!
My proud moment trotting Reno is here. Next time, we’ll get a video of loping, too!
I feel the need … the need for speed! ~Top Gun Quote~
Consider this: what does FEAR stand for? False Evidence Appearing Real
I recently took a plane flight. I love flying! Looking down at the earth below has always been an exciting experience for me. What is not so exciting is checking in, navigating the airport and crowds, all the noise. There is much going on in an airport and for anyone it could lead to sensory overload! It does for me. As is my fashion, I make pre-arrangements to protect myself from what I know will be a difficult period for me to pass but it is momentary and I do try to keep that in mind most of all. What I do remember is that this anxiety I experience is really just a brief touch of fear and that I will endure, I will enjoy the ride, I will survive the crowds, the noise, the strangers. The FEAR.
I learned early in therapy that one of the hallmarks of a victim is their belief in FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real. When I heard that acronym used the first time it hit home for me; I let what I believe will overwhelm me, overwhelm me before I even enter a situation! All because my mind is telling me that crowds are pushy and don’t pay attention and aren’t very nice with which to deal. I believe that all the distractions around me will get to me; the noise from this establishments, people conversing on their phones, the beeps and technological noise of today’s world, and sadly, an unrealistic fear that I for some reason won’t make it through TSA – that I’ve done something wrong when logically I know I have done nothing wrong and there is no reason for anyone to take notice of me. Yes, ridiculous, but only when applied to this situation.
Fear can be stifling only because it leads us to be afraid of something we have not yet, often, experienced. My job today is to figure out how – if I no longer care to live in the negativity that is fear – do I escape the false evidence appearing real?
For me, the only escape from fear is to live in the reality of today, accepting life on life’s terms and moving forward despite – in spite of? – the fear I may hold. I do not have to let the fear control me. I need to accept that it is there but I do not need to live in it. Living in reality means doing that which is necessary to “survive” the airport experience so that I can fully enjoy the “vacation” experience!
Truth be told, the biggest fear I lived with was that people would not accept me, would think less of me, if they knew of my bipolar or brain tumor. There are stereotypes attached to those labels that I try my best to live outside of each day! I can honestly testify that having recently begun the process of no longer denying my disabilities, the “false evidence” of what I feared would happen when others found out has proven to be the exact opposite of what I’d dreamed up in mind own mind. I have found loving acceptance and not the bum-rush to the door to get away as fast as anyone could from me! Grateful doesn’t begin to express the feeling of freedom and joy this knowledge gives me.
The thing I find most sad about fear is that fear in itself can disable. It can grab ahold of a heart and clench it so tight that a person is unable to move forward to escape the fear. It can prevent someone from fully living their life. Something as simple as an airport and the brief time one spends in an airport could have prevented me from enjoying a beautiful wedding but more importantly, spending time with my new family and having a great time doing so! The thought that I could have allowed my fear to rule and deny me a wonderful experience drives me to continue to place one foot in front of the other so that I do not stifle, so that fear does not make the decisions. I do.
Have you had a time of fear in your life? Can you remember a time when you allowed false evidence to appear real for you? What did you do to overcome it? How did you step away from the fear and continue moving forward? We all have our stories, it’s when we share them that they lose their power over us.
You may have heard people talking this week about how there was going to be a Super Moon on Saturday night. My family and I went in search of the Super Moon on the side of a mountain with a spectacular view. We visited “Pretty Place” Chapel at the YMCA Camp in Greenville, South Carolina.
Our story began a year ago when we took a chance and ventured out on a day trip to the Greenville area. Being the planner that I am, I packed a full day’s worth of sightseeing and picture taking of waterfalls in the area. I read about “Pretty Place,” but I had never seen it for myself so I just “had” to do that while in the area. It was the same night that a Super Moon was to appear last year as well.
We made our way around the mountain last year with visions of what it would look like when we arrived. We hadn’t checked the weather forecast, and even if we had, it was so high up that the weather is so unpredictable at that level. We took a chance anyway. Once we reached the top, there it sat in all of it’s glory; “Pretty Place!”
Once out of the vehicle, and still very much in awe, we walked slowly to the chapel that stood before us. As if showing reverence, we bowed our heads as we entered the structure. There were pews like a regular church, only this was open on the sides, unlike a regular church structure. At the very end stood a magnificent wooden cross.
The weather started to quickly change just as the sun was setting, but we waited still with others who had gathered that evening to catch a glimpse of the Super Moon. As we waited, we met a gentleman and his girlfriend. They were a friendly couple, and we struck up a conversation about our cameras. He shared his camera with me and how it worked, and immediately I fell in love with it and knew I HAD to have one just like it. He provided the name and where to get a good deal, and that very week I set off in search of a camera just like his for my very own!
Disappointment set in as we realized that storms were rolling in. Just at the time we had hoped to see the Super Moon, we saw clouds and fog rising instead. Then the rain started pouring down, and we were forced to vacate “Pretty Place” and make our way down the mountain. We couldn’t be too upset, though, for we spent the evening with some mighty fine people. They lived in the area and had attempted to photograph the Super Moon three times already without any luck. However, they did take some pictures prior to our arrival, and they said they would email those to us since our pictures only captured the rising clouds and fog behind the cross. Sure enough, the next week, our new found friends emailed pictures, and we connected on Facebook! That night, we certainly did make two new and precious friends!
We went to “Pretty Place” expecting to see something spectacular, when what actually happened is that we ended up feeling it instead. We felt the sacredness of the chapel, the strong connection to God at that elevation, and our hearts were humbled.
We made new friends that night, and they weren’t just friends in passing. No, they have proved to be true as THIS year when we heard of the dates of the Super Moon, we sent them a Facebook message asking if they were going to try for the fourth time to capture the Super Moon at “Pretty Place.” Sure enough, they were planning on trying again, and they said, “See you there!” That was all it took, and a road trip was on!
All week long I looked forward to this event, and I made sure to pack my camera with an extra battery “just in case.” My oldest daughter is really getting into photography now, too, so she had her camera ready as well! Then, we set out Saturday for our adventure.
As we arrived, the same feelings enveloped us as we made our way to the chapel. Sure enough, our friends were there waiting with their camera in hand. He, wearing his cowboy hat, with her seated just a little ways from him knitting. These people just make me smile. They are the nicest people, and who would have ever thought a friendship could have been formed like this! It has been, though, and we couldn’t be happier!
They greeted us as they saw us enter the chapel to walk down to take our seats. The gentleman said they almost had given up on us due to how close it was to the time for the moon rise. We explained about our long travel to reach our destination, but we were determined to be there for this Super Moon. He, then, said that pictures would be up to me that night as his batteries were dead. I reached into my bag and produced an extra battery for him to use, since we now have the same camera, and his face lit up! He thanked me for “saving the day!” And within a few minutes, as we waited with our friends and several others that had gathered, the Super Moon made it’s presence known. It was subtle at first, slowly rising faintly in the sky, to which I wanted to squeal with delight when I saw it before our friends did! Then this beautiful moon, in all of it’s brilliant colors, rose higher in the sky and appeared closer as it positioned itself perfectly in the sky. We were in awe! How absolutely marvelous it was to see the Super Moon in all of it’s glory at “Pretty Place” surrounded by our family and friends! How reassuring to know that our Father in Heaven made ALL of this with His strong and mighty hands, and yet gently formed us, every detail of us, even knowing how many hairs we have on our heads … there are no words!
In the distance you could hear all of the wondrous sounds of nature as if the creatures were celebrating alongside us and praising God by raising their voices as well. We sat quietly listening, allowing it to calm us and speak to our very souls.
Then …
The ranger came to advise us that they needed to shut the gates, so we would all have to vacate the premises. Ah, but it was so very beautiful while it lasted, and our friends were successful on their fourth trip to “Pretty Place” and were able to finally capture the Super Moon! We were thrilled that we were able to do so on our second trip!
We took one more glance, one more picture …
We followed our friends down the side of the mountain, and halfway down, they turned off to a place called Bald Rock. They messaged us, and soon we turned around and joined them. We thought “Pretty Place” was breathtakingly beautiful, and it is … but standing on top of Bald Rock looking out at the vastness of the sky and the depth below us with this giant spotlight of a moon above us … it was absolutely amazing! My youngest daughter was so taken with Bald Rock, she said it was as if she was walking on the moon for the rock had “craters” that you could imagine being like those on the moon. We decided to lay on this massive rock and just “be” … be one with nature, be one under the beautiful sky with our family and friends, be one with God! What a wonderful feeling to just “be” surrounded by such beauty and such love from God.
We had a wonderful evening and could not wait to share “Pretty Place” with you! If you are ever in the Greenville, South Carolina area, whether it’s on a night of the Super Moon or not, please be sure to check this jewel out! Be prepared and forewarned as it will take your breath away! Pictures do not do this place justice!
Ready to write for five whole minutes without regard to getting it just right? I am! (Which takes a lot since I’m a perfectionist at heart – Eeeek!)
Set? (Come on, set your timers!)
Go! (Let it rip, girlfriend!)
There’s nothing we want more than to belong – in a group, to be accepted, loved for who you are, to have a sense of belonging, to be among friends, to belong to someone special. It’s a longing deep within our being to belong. Why is it so difficult then?
There are times we feel ostracized. We feel left out in the cold. We feel as if every one else has a place on the face of the earth but us. We feel that everyone serves a purpose, has a calling, other’s lives are intertwined and yet there we are floating through time alone.
Why can’t we fit in? Better yet, why would we WANT to? We were made to be uniquely different from everyone else, and yet, we all want community. We want to fit in, to be included. We don’t want to spend the rest of our lives looking in on other people’s lives and the fun they’re having. We don’t want to wish for that special someone or that best friend that everyone seems to have but us.
We want to be fulfilled … to fill a place in someone’s heart so that they feel that they belong as well.
And then it happens. Two people that are floating through time feeling the exact same thing at the same time but thinking they are alone in their thoughts. Yet, finally one speaks, and the other says, “Me, too!” and instantly a bond begins to form and they belong! The day they have been waiting on has arrived, and they have a sense of belonging like they never have before.
We all need to talk things out at times, and who better than with a valued and treasured friend, right? Well, not so fast.
Our family has been going through an ordeal for the past two months, and it has been so very hard at times to find any sunshine when the storms were raging in our lives. There are times that I get quiet, and people mistake my quietness with anger. In reality, I am quiet because I am hurting deeply. There is a big difference!
Often times, I internalize things rarely speaking of what is causing so much pain in my life. When I do venture out of my shell and confide in people, it helps to have a friend that will build me up instead of tearing me down.
Within the past two months, I have encountered friends that have done a variety of things when I have dared to bare my soul to them regarding our struggles. There’s the one friend that doesn’t know what to say or do, so they just say that they are sorry and begin sending care packages to let me know that they are thinking of us and that they care about me and my family. They are available to talk when needed, and they will try to keep their opinions to themselves if it is not something that will help me heal. They do not lie to me, don’t mistake what I’m saying here. They will give an honest opinion if it will help the healing process. They will not just agree with me or say things that support me in my thinking. They listen to the entire situation (because I can’t just tell one thing, I have to tell you every little detail so you can get a clear picture of what has taken place so you will be equipped with all of the knowledge about the situation before you feel compelled to give any advice or speak in any way for or against what has happened).
There are others that say they care about me, and I honestly believe that they do, but they are harsher in their words and judgment of the situation. Granted, the situation may have involved a repeat offender in my life, in their eyes. They view the situation differently, and I respect their different perspectives on the situation. I truly do. However, they do not have to live with the consequences of what they tell me to do when this goes against what my heart is saying to do. They think they can very easily rationalize their advice and reasons that they are talking against giving someone another chance when, in their eyes, the offender has already had too many chances through the years which haven’t been taken seriously by the repeat offender. I understand their point of view. BUT … my heart is saying to give it yet one more try … give this person one more chance … give them the benefit of the doubt because in my heart of hearts, I truly believe that people CAN change if they want to! I believe this person, this “repeat offender” honestly wants to change now. I do! And I have faith that they will.
This week I have had two different people tell me things that hurt me deeply in regards to this situation. (I know it doesn’t help that I’m being so vague about what happened and what, exactly, the situation is that I’m referring to but I’m doing so in an effort to protect privacy and also because it hurts … deeply! Thank you for understanding.) One openly speaks out every chance they get, often talking over me when I’m trying to explain things, because they just do not want me getting hurt further. I understand that, but what this person is saying … every single time we talk … IS HURTING ME, TOO! If you feel worse after talking to someone or reading their emails, that should be an indication right there that you should no longer confide in this person. When you call or email a friend looking for support and what you get back in return is venom toward the person in the situation, that is a clue right there that this individual should not be the one that you go to for emotional support with the situation at hand.
The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense. Proverbs 27:9
The words of a friend: Do they build you up or tear you down?
I would like to offer several things to consider when someone comes to you with a problem or a situation that is troubling them or hurting them deeply:
1. Listen to them. Honestly push aside any ill feelings that you may have toward the people IN the situation, as hard as that may be at times, and actively LISTEN to what the person is saying to you. Don’t sit there anticipating your next opportunity to interrupt them with your harsh words. Instead, allow them to speak – to talk as much as they need to about the situation. Listening involves TWO ears. Your mouth should not be engaged at this point at all if you are actively listening to your friend or family member.
2. Consider if they are actually asking for advice or if they simply need a shoulder to cry on or a hand to hold. Maybe all they really want at that point in time is to vent, get it off of their chest, or to release it into the universe having chosen you for the vehicle in which to do this. Maybe that is all that is required for them to feel better at that point. Once it’s out of their minds and into the universe, they may feel completely relieved from the stress and anxiety so that nothing further is needed at that point in time. You simply helped them by listening and allowing them to get it out!
3. If they ARE seeking advice, be gentle with your words! What do you hope to accomplish here? If you know the person is coming to you for advice on what to do, then please proceed with caution and be as gentle and as tender as you can with your words. Remember, their hearts are already hurting and are so fragile. What you say and how you say it could shatter them.
4. Before you open your mouth, ask yourself if your words will help or harm them in any way. Will it help build them up in this situation or will it tear them down?
5. Put yourself in their shoes BEFORE you tell them straight off the cuff some quick response that is “sure” to end all of their troubles. For example, if someone is having marital issues, don’t just say, “Kick the bum out.” No, think about if this was YOUR marriage. It’s so easy to say things like this when we’re not the ones that are left with the broken lives. Think about that before you spout off harsh words. Would it not be better to ask the person if they honestly love their spouse? And if so, are they willing to do whatever it takes to work things out? If they can’t imagine their lives without their mates, why encourage them to end the marriage or the relationship when their heart wants to hold on? I’ll take it a step further here and ask you to put yourself in the shoes of the person that you just so quickly were ready to dismiss. What if your spouse or your mate went to someone else for advice and THEY were told such things that you just spoke to your friend in their time of crisis? How would you feel to know that someone said not to give YOU another chance or to kick YOU to the curb or that YOU were not worth it. See what I mean? That wouldn’t feel too good, now would it?
6. Think of the consequences of the advice that you’re giving. I touched on it above, but if your advice to a hurting spouse is to end the marriage, consider the consequences such as children that are involved that will ultimately be hurt in all of this. Think of their little lives that will be crushed when their parents get a divorce. Think of the tears that they will cry when Mommy and Daddy aren’t together any more. I know you can’t stay together for the kids, and in some cases, it is necessary to part ways. But, why not encourage them to try every thing humanly possible to work on the marriage? Why not be sure that they have exhausted EVERY effort and gone down every avenue toward reconciliation? Think of all of the family members involved that would have their lives completely shattered by your advice to “end it all because it’s not worth it …” maybe that’s where you’re wrong. Because people are ALWAYS worth it. Families are worth it. Children are worth it. Husbands and wives are worth it. Marriage is worth it! And love … as sweet and as painful as it can be at times all rolled into one … love is still worth it!
7. Brainstorm with the person. Ask what they have tried that didn’t seem to work. Then offer suggestions that will help them. If they would like to reconcile in their marriage, give them positive tips of encouragement and support to HELP them achieve this. I realize that both parties have to be willing, and it takes both people in the marriage working on it for it to work and for it to LAST. Your job can be to help them think of things that they haven’t yet tried that would help them. If they’ve tried something one way, suggest approaching it a different way so that it has the result that their hearts are hoping for.
8. Realize that it is ultimately their decision, and your job is not to place blame on either party in the situation. It is to love and care for people … PERIOD. We don’t need your judgmental comments. What we really need are friends that come alongside of us at this very difficult time to love on us and let us know that they care about us. Don’t get angry when your harsh words turn the person away from ever telling you anything ever again because of what they got back when they did try to confide in you and ended up in more pain than when they first started talking to you about it. Respect their relationship or marriage and offer words of encouragement and support, not hateful words of doom and gloom over something so sacred and near and dear to their hearts.
Be there for your friends, yes. Guard their hearts carefully from the world and from you, too, if necessary. Your job is to show them love, care for them, support them, and encourage them. Be truthful with them and speak honesty, but be gentle and kind when you do. There is so much power in the tongue – you can build people up and tear them down in the same sentence. Choose your words carefully. Some times there really is not a need to interject “But …” after someone pours their heart out to you. That’s something we can all keep in mind.
Be the encourager. Be the supporter. Be the one that speaks words of loving kindness. Be the friend that builds others up. Guard their hearts so that you aren’t the one tearing them and their relationships down.