“It’s not aggressive …”
His voice trailed off as I clutched the phone in my hand, the news assaulting my ears and devastating my heart and soul.
My world seemingly crumbled at my feet, and the tears rushed in like a full waterfall after weeks of rain, placing a tight ball in my throat rendering me unable to speak.
I sat in silence as he continued, “The news isn’t what we had hoped and prayed for, but this is a part of my journey here on earth. What’s that saying? ‘It is what it is’ …”
I struggled to regain my composure and force a response that wouldn’t let on that tears were streaming down my face, but he knew. He always knows.
Immediately, I wanted to swoop in and fix it! I wanted to solve all of his problems and take any and all burdens from him.
And yet …
This one is completely out of my control.
We spoke for a few more minutes, trying to make peace with this news that no one ever wants to hear. Then as we ended the call, I broke down completely with gut wrenching sobs escaping my lips. There was no stopping the wailing cries that were coming from what felt like my toes traveling up to escape, while the pain reflected on my face.
I didn’t care about anything at that moment, except this dear person’s life and survival!
Trying to process the news that took the breath right out of my lungs, I could feel the anger rising within me.
“WHY, GOD?!?! WHY HIM?!?!
We PRAYED to you! We asked YOU for good results from the biopsy, not THIS!
Why would you take a good man … and put him through SO MUCH in his lifetime!?
With fists and teeth clenched, I yelled out WHY, GOD!?!
YOU SAID all we needed was faith as small as a mustard seed, and we have MORE than that. Yet, you allowed this!
It’s not fair! Why do the bad people in the world seem to skate by without any thing bad happening to them? And yet this man … you make suffer.”
Anger is a very strong emotion! Although we are taught not to question God, it is only human nature to do so! It isn’t a sin, by the way. And, He can handle it. He IS God, after all.
The important thing is to get it all out; yell, scream, cry, even shake your fists at God!
Just DO NOT turn from Him!
And we won’t!
After having a meltdown or two, fussing and reasoning with God … I finally gathered all of the shattered pieces of my heart and turned them back over to Him.
“Help him, Lord … heal him on THIS side of Heaven! We want to keep him here with us. Please, God … please!”
Oh I’m so sorry. Saying a prayer for your loved one right now. Visiting you from anita ojeda’s link up.
Thank you so much, Lauren. I appreciate it so very much. He is so calm about it all, but I know his world has been shaken. Ours certainly has!
This is really touching and I’m so sorry for the path he must walk on. It sounds like there is hope considering it’s not aggressive… So many things happen on this earth that tests our faith. May we always grow stronger through them.
That is so encouraging, Lee Ann, and thank you for making sure I count the blessing in this. It’s not aggressive. Praise the Lord!
Shirley, it’s so hard to understand God’s ways. I am truly sorry for what your friend is going through, and for all you are walking through in the middle of this hard season. You’re right . . . God CAN handle our anger, and we must remember that, even when we don’t understand and we are hurt by what He allows, we will get through it better when we turn to Him. I’m saying a prayer for you today.
Thank you so much for your prayers, Jeanne. That is the only way we will get through this.