Hats, Scarves, and Girly Things
Today I did something I’ve never done before. I ordered hats, scarves, and girly things online. This wasn’t just an ordinary order, though. It was an order of love.
My mother-in-law has gone for her port to be put in today. With that comes the acknowledgement and acceptance that she will ultimately lose her hair.
Easing onto the couch Sunday afternoon, she failed to find a comfortable position. We propped her up with pillows in an effort to help. Raising the foot rest on that end of the couch seemed to relieve some of the pressure. She sat in a reclining position trying to force a smile as she looked at us trying to hold a conversation about anything but what she was facing. Finally, she turned to me and said, “I do not want to lose my hair.” She paused for a moment before she continued, “I am too proud to walk around like that. I want a wig, something to cover my head, maybe even a scarf.”
And her wish was my command.
I know once treatment begins, she will gradually lose her hair within two weeks. Wanting her to have something prior to losing her hair, I found a site today called TLC, which specializes in products for women that are facing hair loss due to chemotherapy treatment.
I spent a good bit of time on the website as I looked through every type of wig and hair accessory you can imagine. Having taken a picture of my mother-in-law Sunday, I held it up to the computer to match her hair style and color as closely as possible. While I know it will be an adjustment, at least she can rest in the knowledge that she will have her items in two to three business days, as I “rushed” the order. She will have these items in time to play with them and see what better suits her before she loses her hair. And I’ll admit, once pressing “Submit Order,” tears stung my eyes as the reality of the situation was before me, and this made it more “real” some how.
Knowing women like a variety, I purchased a wig, hat, scarf, turban, and even what they call an “add-a-bang.” This item is to be worn with hats, scarves, and turbans where it will look like you have some peek-a-boo bangs in the front. They will come full enough where she can choose to show the entire bang, or she can have them thinned to her liking. I tried to match the color as close as possible, and I will keep my fingers crossed that she’ll like and actually use these items when I give them to her.
At a time like this, we focus so much on how helpless we feel. My husband struggles with this. He is a Mr. Fix-It, but there is no way that he can possibly fix this. Unfortunately, this is the hand of cards she was dealt, and she has no choice but to take those cards and play the game with WINNING ultimately the goal. Beat this thing! Kick cancer’s back-side! That is what we all hope to see in her future.
There’s so much you can’t do … for example, you can’t wave a magic wand and make this go away. You can’t wish it or will it away. No matter how angry you get, you cannot change the fact that she has this rare form of cancer in her intestines and abdominal area. As much as we say we hate this, it does not make it go away. It’s here, and all we can do is help her and love her through this.
I told my husband this weekend to stop focusing on what he CAN’T do. Shift your focus to what you CAN do!
“You do not possess the power to heal your mother,” I told him. If we possessed that kind of power, no one would ever suffer or go through anything ever again. We’d simply reach out and touch our mothers, fathers, and other family members to heal them from the tops of their heads to the soles of their feet. Ah, but that is not our place, and we do not possess those powers. Father God does, though, and so we pray with all our might for our family and friends. We know God hears our prayers, and we hope it will be His will to heal them on this earth.
Since we are not guaranteed a miracle or a healing touch from God, what we CAN do is support her, love her, and be there for her. We can take her food we fix in hopes that she will have an appetite and feel like eating it. We can go around looking for comfort items she may need, and we can place orders like the one I placed earlier today.
Walking around moping about it will NOT change what she is going through. She’s facing one of the biggest battles of her life. But, she is not alone. She has all of us and GOD on her side.
My husband started taking a little trip down Guilt Lane, which also does no good at all. Shortly after her diagnosis, he started thinking of all the missed birthdays and occasions when he should have remembered to call or visit but didn’t. Beating oneself up will NOT change what she is facing, though. I told him to go easy on himself. He can’t go back and change the past, but what he can do from this day forward is spend quality time with his mom when he is able and when she feels up to it.
Human beings are so quick to jump on the Pity Train and go right on down Guilt Lane. We beat ourselves up so badly with all the “shoulda, coulda, wouldas” we come up with. It is all non productive!
Focus on what you CAN do at this stage of the game. Take back your power and stand tall. She needs us to be strong when she is feeling weak.
And so we move ahead, unsure of what the future holds … but having complete faith in the One who holds the future.
The Un-Churched
I’m what’s known now as “The Un-Churched.” You know the kind. They grew up in the church or went to church every time the doors were open once-upon-a-time. Now, however, they no longer darken the door of the church – any church.
People love to get into the bashing game with people like myself. The ones that are still currently going to church on a regular basis look down upon people like me that choose not to go to church. Hmmm, that’s a bit … judgmental … for church-goers, isn’t it?
Don’t mind me. I’m just calling it like I see it.
You see, I was once very active in the church. My dad was the clerk of the church when I was just a little thing growing up. We were at church every time the doors were open, and I grew up being an active part of the church.
When I became an adult, I could choose whether to attend church or not. No longer feeling “forced” by my parents, I still chose to go to church. I changed from the church I attended as a child, and my parents also stopped going to church. What in the world would cause such a thing for dedicated church-going individuals to just suddenly … stop … going to church?
Hurt. That’s what.
Now, I know you’re probably just waiting for the opportunity to launch a quote at me. Aren’t you? The one that specifically talks about how if being hurt by the church causes you to stop going, then your faith was in people and not in God. Ah, but I beg to differ.
Being hurt by people in the church was exactly why my family and I stopped going. I no longer wished to attend church with “holier-than-thou” so called Christians that inflicted such hurt upon my family and I. From preacher’s wives intentionally ignoring me, yet speaking to everyone else in my family … to offering to serve in the choir when attendance was down just to have their nose turned up at me … to various other things that happened. There were others that talked about my family and I even when we were holding a fundraiser for a little girl in my daughter’s 6th grade class many years ago that was diagnosed with cancer. As our hands were busy working to help this little girl and her family, other people in the church were busy wagging their tongues about us.
I’m sorry, but this is NOT the type of church I wish to attend.
What ever happened to including people? Even those that are different from you?
What happened to making people feel welcome and LOVING them just as Christ would have?
And what is this “What would Jesus do?” crap? It’s more than just wearing the bracelet, people! You have to actually stop and ask yourself, “Would Jesus have snubbed this person as you just did?” As a matter of fact, I can assure you, HE WOULD NOT!
I know the bible talks about surrounding yourself with fellow believers and coming together to worship. That’s wonderful, but I choose not to attend church with people like the ones I’ve mentioned above.
More hurt comes from the church!
I’m not saying that ALL church-goers are bad. Certainly, they are not. But there are a few “bad apples” in every bunch that spoil it for everyone else. Those “bad apples” are often times in positions like the preacher’s wife I spoke about or someone in “charge” of the children’s ministry or even someone on the “welcoming committee” being anything but welcoming!
Why don’t we shift our focus off of PEOPLE and back on GOD where it belongs!
I’m talking about taking our relationship with God more serious than just who steps foot into the church building each Sunday morning. As a matter of fact, I get more out of online ministries or watching the sermons on church than I do sitting elbow to elbow with someone I know acts a certain way Monday through Saturday and yet is completely different come Sunday morning.
I’d rather worship God on the back of my horse out in the beautiful countryside. I want a REAL relationship with Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. Yes, even if I never grace the steps of the church again.
And you know what? My church attendance or lack thereof will NOT keep me out of heaven. Nope. It won’t! Regardless of what ones may say, as long as my heart is right with God, I will be welcomed into Heaven when the Lord calls me home. Why? Because I’ve asked Him to come into my heart, forgive me of my sins, and I have chosen to walk with Him.
News flash!
Your church attendance will NOT guarantee you a place in Heaven. Your mansion in Heaven will NOT be given to you due to sitting in that church pew. Someone with the hardest of hearts could come sit right in your very place, and they won’t make it into Heaven any more than you will UNLESS your heart is right with God.
No one … absolutely NO ONE … on the face of this earth knows where you truly stand with God. And they shouldn’t. That’s between YOU and The Master!
So with what being said, who are you, or anyone else for that matter, to sit in judgment of “the un-churched?” It simply is NOT your place. You don’t know the person’s heart. You don’t know what may be going on in their lives.
An example is this – my in-laws are going through a really hard time right now. My mother-in-law has been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and is unable to attend church. She’s in a lot of pain that prevents her to even sit or lay comfortably. And you know what? NO ONE in her “church family” has come to see her or offered to bring food of any kind. We’re from the South where that’s what we do. When someone dies, we bring food. If someone is hurt in an accident, we bring food. If someone has a cold or pneumonia, we bring food. The South is all about their comfort food, and what better time to offer your support to the family than when you KNOW someone in the family is dealing with something BIG. Yet, no one from my mother-in-law’s church has brought food. My mother-in-law is on the prayer list at her church – a church she has gone to for MANY, MANY years! And yet, just today when I visited her, she mentioned her disappointment … and yes, hurt … over her “church family” not lifting one finger when she’s in the shape she is in.
Ah, that is exactly the hurt I’m talking about that will cause people to shy away from the church. Do you see what I mean?
As my mother-in-law tries to adjust her position to get comfortable any way she possibly can, she remembers ALL the meetings she attended, the family times she cut short just to “serve” at the church … and for what? When they need support, love, and encouragement from their church family … they are in a dry desert with the dust and tumble weeds rolling down the parched earth.
So, think again before you judge “the un-churched.” But, do more. Take this message and be determined NOT to have things turn out like this in YOUR church. Be the one that reaches out even if you’re the only one that does. Be the example of Jesus that everyone needs to see reaching out, loving, caring for, and helping those in need.
A little less judgment and more love is what this world needs – for the churched (as my in-laws have been for years) and yes, even the un-churched.
Birthdays Are Special
As we get older, people sometimes grumble when their birthday rolls around. Not me, though! I realize that birthdays are special. Each and every birthday! From the days of youth celebrating with birthday parties, cake, ice cream … to the later years when gray starts creeping into your hair. Each and every birthday is special.
Think on that for a minute.
There are some that are not blessed to make it to your current age – or mine, for that matter.
Some lives are taken too soon, and we are left with a million questions as to, “Why …”
So when your birthday rolls around, take time to CELEBRATE! No matter what age you will be turning, realize that it is a gift from God above.
Yesterday, we celebrated my daughter’s 12th birthday. My, oh my, where has the time gone? It seems like just yesterday I was cradling my six pound three ounce baby girl in my arms. And bam! Over night, she’s grown into this beautiful little girl with the longest legs on her slender frame. Bouncing around with a huge smile on her face, blond curls bouncing up and down right along with her.
I watched as my miracle baby has gone through many stages in her life. She’s into riding horses, playing in the mud doing “tom boy” things while also enjoying twirling around in the dressing room trying on frilly dresses. She is a well rounded individual, for sure! Just this week I had the pleasure of taking her shopping for new clothes. I watched as she looked at herself in the mirror, smiled, turned from side to side, and then twirled around so her dress would flair outward. She’d giggle and do it all over again. We came home with TWO dresses, among other clothes in our shopping bags. I had to chuckle as she exclaimed with a wide smile, “This does NOT mean I’m a girly girl. I’m still a tom boy!”
Last night, we made cotton candy while she videoed the entire thing. It thrilled my heart to see her excitement using her new cotton candy maker. She and her sister made blue, purple, and even pink cotton candy. Oh, what a sugar high!
That was great fun!
I went to bed last night with a smile on my face. My daughter had a great birthday, and that made me feel so good.
This morning when I awoke, I smiled and thanked God for the gift of another day. Today I turned 45 years old. It is so hard to believe because I do NOT feel “this” old at all. I still feel like a teenager, although the two gray hairs that popped up in the crown of my head are trying to say otherwise! Even still, I feel blessed by the gray hair because it means I’ve lived and loved well. What’s more is that God has given me this gift of another birthday to celebrate with my family. I get to enjoy being surrounded by my family wishing me well and sharing their love with me. I appreciate this gift more than words could ever say. I’m here on this earth still living and loving. I have the privilege of a road trip in our RV this weekend with my family. With plans in place, we will set out with great excitement as we anticipate arriving at our destination to relax and unwind on this, our birthday weekend.
With all sincerity, I thank God that I have reached 45 years of age. I ask God to bless me with many more birthdays. I’ve prayed to God for a while now asking Him to please allow me to be a very old woman rocking my great-great grandchildren on my front porch.
God willing … I shall do just that!
Enjoy your day – no matter how old you are! Realize it is a true blessing!
Now, get out there and make memories!
