Light, Love, Hope

If I could have a one day visit with my sister, I doubt very seriously if I’d focus on questions regarding events leading to her death.  Lord knows, we’ve questioned it enough throughout these past 15 years, and honestly, we still haven’t found the answers.  Yet, I wouldn’t want to waste time on things like that when it will not change a single thing.  All of the answers in the world would never bring her back to us for good.  Although immediately after her death, we searched high and low, seeking people out to question so we could gain any insight into what happened, what caused it, why she felt she had no other options … “Why” seemed to haunt us.

No, this one day would not be an interrogation session.  Instead, I would want to soak up every bit of my sister I possibly could filling each moment with memories to last a lifetime.

Growing up and even into our adult years, we just did “life” as people usually do.  It never really occurred to us that we needed to be intentional about the time spent with each other.  We seemed to take for granted that we’d have another evening meal with our little family all gathered together around the table.  There seemed to always be an opportunity to fight over who was to wash dishes afterwards, “I did it yesterday … it’s YOUR turn …”  We just got wrapped up in life.  The same ole, same ole.  Even as adults with our daily lunch hour spent together to break up the work day, we just seemed to take for granted that we would always have the conversation, “Little or big,” when calling the other to discuss what we felt like eating that day – something little, as in a fast food hamburger or sandwich – or something big, as in a nice sit-down meal at a restaurant.

I’d want to take the day and go to the beach with my sister, as one of my fondest memories is when I took her to Folly Beach as a young adult.  No matter how much sunscreen she smeared on her fair skin, she always came back looking like a lobster.  Even still, that did not stop her from getting in the salt water jumping waves.  I will never forget the huge smile that formed across her lips as she all but squealed as the waves crashed against her, nearly knocking her down.  I wish I had my camera at that point.  Oh, what I wouldn’t give at this point to have one of those pictures of that special day together – but I have to settle for this memory itched across my brain – one I pray will remain forever due to the amount of happiness which was displayed on her face as she beamed brighter than the sun on the sandy shores.

Yes, the beach would be a must on this one day visit.

I wouldn’t want to share her with just anyone, yet I would be excited to let my parents know that a one day visit was possible for them, too!  Maybe we’d all share in this reunion – although my dad has only been on a beach once in his life, and I was the one that took him there.  Maybe he’d want to join us – jeans, church shoes, dress shirt, and white socks, just as he did when I took him when my daughter was a year old.  He’d go just to spend time with my sister, I know he would.  My mom would have to sit under an umbrella watching us as she’s not to get too much sun due to the medicine she takes.  But, I bet she’d want to be there, too, smiling, looking up from her feet and the sand beneath them, to catch a glimpse of us laughing and playing together.

Pictures would be a must this time for sure.  After losing her, I’ve realized the value of pictures and that you can NEVER take “too many” pictures of your family.  Now that she’s been gone for 15 years, I realize I should have taken MORE pictures of her.  I never considered that my memories and pictures I could hold in my hand would be all I’d have left of her … and yet the reality is a harsh one.

I’d fix her a macaroni and cheese followed by a cheesecake, as she loved them both.  Maybe we’d even have a rib eye steak on the grill.  I’m sure we wouldn’t spend a whole lot of time on the meal, and the dishes would definitely have to wait.  No time would be wasted on those.  Not on this special day.  Yet, I’d want her to have some of her favorite foods during our time together.  Maybe even a “Bahama Mama” or “Purple Jesus.”  Yes, this seemingly quiet and shy young lady did enjoy a “cocktail” from time to time, even if she appeared innocent in front of my parents.  I knew the truth.

We’d drive around in her black Firebird (before “cocktails” no doubt), as she loved that car!  She was so proud and took such great care of it.  Maybe we’d let her daughter drive it, as she’s now old enough to go for her learner’s permit and start driving.  How cool would it be for her to drive her mother’s car?!

I’m sure she’d want to take time to get to know her 15 year old daughter now, too.  Without a doubt, she’s been watching from Heaven as this little tiny baby grew into a challenging teenager.  There would be a lot of catching up for them both.  I wouldn’t want it to be a sad occasion, though.  This one day visit needs to be filled with laughter and love.  Lots of love. Because it will have to carry us over long after my sister is summoned back to the spirit world and Heaven.

We’d talk for hours, although she was a quiet soul at times.  Being gone 15 years, surely she’d have more to say and want to tell me all about life in Heaven.  And I’d soak up every single thing she shared with me, hanging on her every word wanting to hear more!

I’d take so many pictures, she’d have flash burns!  And I’d want to record her talking so I could hear her voice as many times as I’d want after she returned to her spirit form.  Oh, how I wish I could hear her voice right this minute.  So soft, almost a whisper at times, yet sweetly spoken words.  I’d give anything to hear her speak after all this time.

After a day visit, I’d not want to give her back or let her go again.  It would leave me wishing still for one more day with her … one more laugh, one more hug, one more “I love you …” 

If only it was possible to have just one more day with my sister.