And The Doves Cry
A music icon from my teenage years has passed away. Earlier today we heard the news. Although I didn’t want to believe it, shortly thereafter, it was confirmed by his publicist. Prince passed away at the age of 57 years old.
That is SO incredibly young!!
I’m sure Prince had plans, just like you and I … and yet, he will never get the opportunity to act on those plans he had for the coming days, weeks, and months of 2016. I’m sure he did not ring in the new year on January 1st with the knowledge that his days would be short in the new year.
We all think we have so much time on our hands, and yet, we could be called home to be with the Lord at any given moment. Is your heart right? If today was your last day, would you be ready to meet your maker?
The news brought such sadness deep within my heart. Although the world has lost other music icons in the past, I was not affected by this as much as I was today by Prince’s passing. As much as I loved Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston, I did not cry when they passed. I was sad, don’t get me wrong. However, today when I heard the news about Prince, I was overcome with such sadness that literally brought me to tears. While I didn’t sob deep, heart wrenching sobs, the tears stung my eyes for the passing of this man. I remember vividly turning up the volume as my friend and I danced wildly under her garage to his songs. We made up all sorts of dance moves, and we danced our hearts out to songs like “When Doves Cry,” “Little Red Corvette,” “Purple Rain,” etc. And now, he is gone, but his music and memory will live on.
I’m not sure I was emotional due to any type of real attachment other than growing up listening to his music. I think deep down I was so emotional due to the reminder that any moment it could be you or I that is called home. Time is short. Each day that passes we are losing people – some that are very near and dear to our hearts, while others are merely people we heard of whether they were in the public eye or a friend of a friend. Each life is precious!
I’m reminded of my age and the uncertainty of what lies ahead. I don’t want to leave my family. I want to stay right here with my two daughters, my husband, and my parents living, loving, and enjoying life! I’m sure Prince and all of the others gone before him wanted to remain with their families also, and yet, their time was cut short.
I realize that people are living longer lives these days. I just heard of a woman celebrating her 100th birthday recently. She is in pretty good health considering her age, although she does have a touch of dementia. She recognizes her loved ones as family, but occasionally, she will not be able to call them by name. But, she made it to 100 years old! I hope I make it to 100 years old and am still in good health as well.
I have said for years that I want to be a very old woman rocking my great-great-grandchildren in my lap on my front porch. I pray that God will grant me my heart’s desire.
It is such a sad, sad thought of having to leave my family one day. I hope that God will allow me to live a lot longer than Prince, and yet I realize I am not guaranteed that gift. No one is!
At the time of this writing, I am knocking on the door of 45. I will be 45 years old this September. The older I get, the more I realize that time truly does fly by. I can’t seem to comprehend how, when I was younger, time seemed to crawl … and now it seems a year is gone in the blink of an eye.
I sit back and watch all of the “memories” that pop up on Facebook, and I just sit there at times staring at the screen. It is so hard to believe that much time has gone by … two years … four years … the other day, a memory from six years ago popped up! I was taken aback by it! It did not seem like six years had passed since that moment in time, and yet … it had.
My point in all of this is to get busy LIVING while you still can. Get out there and enjoy life. Do what makes you happy and what brings you joy! Spend time doing things that soothe your heart and soul. Enjoy every moment possible with your family. Don’t bury your head in your phone in their presence. BE PRESENT for them and with them!
My parents are going to be 69 years old this year. My mom’s birthday is just 10 days away. I thank GOD for my parents and for allowing them to be on this earth for 69 years. I pray that He allows them to have 30 more years here in good health, but I fear each and every day that something will happen to them. I don’t want to ever lose my parents! They were here just today visiting with me, and I thank God for each and every moment that I get to talk to them, hug them, and tell them that I love them.
I wish we could all live forever! I know that when Jesus died on the cross, He gave us the gift of eternal life through Him if we only believe and ask Him into our hearts. It’s losing people this side of heaven, though, that is so extremely heart wrenching. When they join the angels in song up in Heaven, we are left behind mourning and grieving. One sweet day, we will be reunited with them. Until then, it is hard living our lives here on Earth without them. From losing my sister, my granddaddy, my best friend in the whole world, it never gets easier when we lose someone we love. It brings some comfort knowing that if we all have our hearts right, we will be reunited in Heaven … one sweet day.
Today, Prince’s family, friends, and fans are left behind to remember this music icon. We put his songs on repeat and soak in every musical chord he played on his guitar, every note he sang, and we marvel at this music legend taken too soon.
And the doves cry.
The Best of Friends
I never knew what I would encounter on any given day as I walked through the halls of my high school.
On the first day of my Freshmen year, I remember feeling self conscious and unsure of myself as I looked for my first class. It didn’t help matters any when one of the Seniors, thinking he was being cute, yelled out for all to hear, “Hey, little girl … Kindergarten is over there …” as he pointed across campus.
Laughter followed by those that overheard his remarks, and there was even some finger pointing as well. They acted as if they had never seen a short person before. I just kept right on walking, looking down so as not to make eye contact with anyone, especially those that were making fun of me.
As the school year progressed, I stayed mainly to myself. It was an awkward time in my life. I wanted so badly to “fit in” but couldn’t have stood out more!
Then, one day between classes, I saw a girl about the same height as me with long brown hair. She appeared to be new at the school, and she walked with that all familiar look just as I had on my very first day of high school. With her head down, trying not to be noticed, she’d glance up ever so often to see if anyone was watching.
I can’t remember who spoke first, but the “short” girl with long brown hair became my very best friend in the whole world! Her name was Robin.
When Robin entered my life, it didn’t matter that I no longer seemed to “fit in” with anyone else because I fit in with her!
We seemed to always be together. If I wasn’t at her house, she was at mine. We even got our very first job together in high school at a fast food restaurant. We did everything together!
I had never felt so accepted before or so much a part of something as I did when Robin and I became best friends. We could tell each other anything! We’d laugh at the silliest of things, even getting the case of the giggles just by looking at each other.
Ah, yes … I have fond memories of Robin.
We seemed inseparable … up until the point where she got her first really serious, steady boyfriend. We tried to still hang out and even double date, but Howard claimed the majority of her time. I was understanding, yet admittedly sad that it seemed I was losing my very best friend in the entire world … while she was gaining a relationship she poured her whole being into.
As time and circumstances would have it, we slowly drifted further apart. And, I returned to no longer fitting in with others.
After graduation, I received a phone call that I will never forget. The person on the other end of the line called to tell me that Robin was dead. She died in a car accident. I remember holding the phone but being completely frozen, unable to move. I managed to breathe, although I still am not sure how at that point in time. I listened to the words coming through the phone and into my ears, and yet, I was having trouble comprehending what the person was saying.
My best friend from high school was … gone.
Shortly thereafter, I received a phone call from Robin’s sister confirming the news. She was so much younger than us, yet she reached out to let me know what happened and of the funeral arrangements. Her family even offered to allow me to ride with them several hours away to where Robin would be laid to rest. I seriously contemplated but later denied their offer. I preferred to keep the memories of Robin alive from happier times, not to see her in a casket. It wasn’t long after this phone conversation with her sister that I received another phone call from a “friend” asking if I was going to the funeral. When I said, “No …” I received such judgment in return with the “How COULD you even think of not going to the funeral? You were her BEST FRIEND!” Oh yes, judgement is surely what I needed at a time like that! Even still, I was firm in my decision. To this day, I have not regretted it either.
A few weeks ago, Robin’s sister found me on Facebook! She sent me a message followed by a friend request. Tears welled up in my eyes as I read her message. She was only seven years old when I first met Robin and started going to her house. Little Charity would follow us around as she wanted to be included. I never had a younger sister – but an older one – so I thought it was cute having her follow us around. Robin was not entirely amused by it, though.
Charity and I talked in messages, and we shared memories of Robin. She and I both cried a little during our conversation.
One thing that Charity and I have in common now, and oh how I wish we didn’t, is the fact that both of us have lost our one and only sibling – our older sisters! I’d like to think that our sisters found each other in Heaven and are friends keeping each other company until we get there. My sister had a problem with fitting in as well, and I’d like to think that Robin helped her feel at ease and welcome in her presence just as I felt when we became fast friends years ago.
I never had a friend like Robin before, and I doubt I ever will again. I didn’t have very many female friends that I hung around because it seemed that drama followed. Imagine that – drama and teenage girls – yep, it is still that way today as I’ve watched my own daughter struggle to fit in and to escape the drama that other girls bring with them. During the better part of our friendship, though, it wasn’t like that with Robin at all. We truly were best friends!
As a forty-something year old adult woman, I still have feelings of not fitting in, and I doubt I’ll ever feel so at ease and have such peace within a friendship again as I had with Robin. Just when I started to feel sad about this again, I stumbled across a message that said, “I never intended for you to fit in. ~God” Wow. God really does know what you need, right when you need it. I feel like He honestly sent that message to me right when I needed it most today. Maybe I truly am not meant to fit in with others, for “fitting in” might mean going the way of the world instead of following Him. I’d rather NOT fit in then, instead, I’d rather stand out or just be a loner. At least with being a loner, there isn’t quite so much drama to deal with. At other times, I think it would be nice to have a friend to have lunch with or get together for some girl talk occasionally. I know deep in the back of my mind, though, that no one will ever fill the void that came about with losing my very best friend in the whole world.
Today has been filled with memories and a few tears. As I reflect, I am thankful for the “short” girl with long brown hair that allowed me to fit in with her during those rough high school years. We were, indeed, the best of friends, and oh the memories I will forever hold close to my heart!
In loving memory:
I Am Not Ashamed
On April 7, 2016, we would like to see #IAmNotAshamed trending all over social media. Why? Because, we would like to raise awareness for mental illness and suicide prevention. This is for any one that HAS a mental illness or has a friend or family member that they love with all of their heart that has a mental illness. This is also for any survivors of suicide loss. It is for anyone that has ever contemplated suicide, and it is to encourage others to reach out. You do NOT have to be silent any longer.
There was once a time when people were so ashamed if they were diagnosed with a mental illness. They felt as if society would shun them, and often times, they did due to not understanding mental illnesses. People were uneducated about them and afraid of what they did not understand. I have a friend right now who has been battling with her Bi-Polar diagnosis for YEARS. I’m talking 30 plus years. She knew early on that something wasn’t quite right, but she could not put her finger on it. After years of being misdiagnosed, often times being told that it was “all in her head” as if she were making it all up, she felt so much shame over what she was going through. When she was officially diagnosed and began treatment, she had a mixture of great relief tied in once more with a tremendous amount of shame. Yet, no one asks to be mentally ill no more than anyone asks to be Diabetic. Why, then, is it more acceptable in the world to be Diabetic, yet people who are suffering from mental illness hang their head low and are eat up with guilt and shame? No one ASKS for this. It is a hand that has been dealt to them, and they are trying to cope the best way they know how. It would help if society did not label them, shun them, or act as if they need to be locked away from the rest of the world forever. In some cases, there are individuals that do need supervision thus the need for special inpatient care. However, others are extremely high functioning individuals, just as my friend I was talking about earlier. She holds herself together quite well in public to the point that you would never even imagine that she has a mental illness. She is highly educated, having earned her Masters Degree, and she presents herself in a polite and dignified manner. Yet, inside, it is a constant struggle each and every day to get out of bed and simply function. WHY should she walk around full of shame over her diagnosis? She sought HELP, and that is the most important thing right there. Yes, she has a mental illness, but she sought help! AND she is on medicine now that they finally got her diagnosis right AND have the right combination of medicines in her system to help. She has to take medicine for the rest of her life, but she should not have to feel ashamed no more than a person taking medicine to maintain and help their diabetes.
A few years ago, a young lady that is very near and dear to my heart reached out for help! She was struggling with depression, and it took a LOT for her to admit this. I’ll never forget us driving down the road just randomly talking about anything and everything when she suddenly fell silent. I noticed her voice began to shake when she finally started to speak as she asked, “Does depression run in families?” I knew exactly why she asked this as her grandmother and aunt suffered with depression. I realized the seriousness of the situation and that she wouldn’t have just randomly asked this question. I eased into this subject matter, and soon she revealed her struggles. Little by little, she opened up. As she shared, I knew she needed to be seen by a medical professional immediately. I did not want to push her or scare her away, so I listened as she began opening up more and more. We talked for a long time, and finally I asked if she would be open to speaking to a healthcare professional. Thankfully, she was, and we made an appointment the very next day. I told her I’d go with her to the appointment, and I did. The doctor started her on anti depressants and referred her to a counselor. I went with her to the counselor’s appointment as well for moral support. She began taking the medicine daily and talking with the counselor on a weekly basis. She was so brave for admitting that she was struggling! She took such a courageous step in getting the help she needed! Today she is thriving and enjoying life to the fullest, and I couldn’t be more proud of her!
I also know someone that has a lot of anxiety. I used to be JUST like that, eat up with it at times. There was a time when I was ashamed of how out of control my anxiety would get, but then I realized that I had to get to the source of what was making me feel so anxious. The root cause was that I was in an unhealthy, toxic environment at work that was not helping. Actually, that is when the anxiety surfaced and grew worse. When I wasn’t working, I did not have the anxiety or panic attacks. But going into work each and every day to coworkers that took great pride in throwing things across my desk, placing things over what I was currently writing when I was on the phone with a client, and barging into my office unannounced making demands on me when I was working on payroll and confidential information … just to name a few of the things that I had to put up with on a daily basis … added to my anxiety to the point that I started to dread going into work because of what I knew I would face that day. I understand that counselors say that I was causing my own anxiety within myself when I would think of these situations or would be put in these types of situations. It was my thoughts about the situations that caused my anxiety, yet WHY did the people doing this NOT respect me enough to treat me BETTER? That is what I could not understand. I would never treat someone like this, and yet here I was subjected to it every … single … day! Monday through Friday of EVERY week! I thought I would give the people the benefit of the doubt as maybe, just maybe, they didn’t realize what they were doing or how they were coming across. Maybe they were just stressed and it was coming out in this way without their knowledge. However, when I spoke to them about it, they let me know that they were aware of how they were coming across yet did not care because their actions toward me were NOT going to change. So I was expected to continue to put up with this behavior? Ah, I think NOT! I tried to deal with it the best way I knew how because I LOVED my job. I did not enjoy being mistreated by my coworkers, but I enjoyed the work that I did. I had a counselor that I worked with tell me that if I can’t change the situation, I needed to change the way I viewed the situation. While it was true that I could not change my coworker’s actions and behavior toward me, I did have the power to change the situation. When you’re in an unhealthy, toxic environment that isn’t going to change – even after attempting to talk to management over it – the only choice you have is to stay and put up with it or LEAVE … and can you guess which one I chose to do? I LEFT! I took control of the situation when the individuals would not change, and I LEFT! I removed myself from that toxic environment. It took a lot for me to finally throw in the towel and say that I just would not subject myself to this treatment each and every day. BUT it has been one of the best things I could have done! It was only after watching Julie Robert’s movie, “Eat, Love, Pray,” that I came to realize that things needed to change in my life … and change they DID!! Why continue to go into a job where they treat you this way? The question of the century is: WHY wouldn’t management do anything about it? I have no idea, but that is why the bullies get worse! They are allowed to continue with their mistreatment of others because the “higher ups” won’t do a darn thing about it. I was once eat up with anxiety, taking anti-anxiety pills like they were candy to try to cope with the mistreatment from others. However, when I left that job, I NO LONGER had to take those pills! The anxiety seemed to fade away, and it was confirmation that what I did by quitting that job was the best thing for me and my family! There was once a time when I was ashamed that I had issues with anxiety, and I was told I was “too sensitive.” But, NO MORE! I speak freely of the anxiety that filled my body so that others will know that they can speak freely themselves! You do not have to remain a prisoner! I encourage you to reach out for help if you feel that you have an overwhelming amount of anxiety in your life. IF you need help coping, so be it! ASK for it! Even if you only have to take the medicine for a short amount of time, that is what it is there for!! You don’t have to worry about becoming dependent upon it. It can be used short term, and then you can taper off of it when it is no longer needed. I just praise God that I left that toxic work environment four years ago, and PRAISE GOD I haven’t taken an anti-anxiety pill since!
I also want to speak to you from the standpoint of being a survivor of suicide loss. My sister took her own life after suffering with Postpartum Depression. I feel that if my sister had been in her right mind, this never would have happened. She wouldn’t have intentionally inflicted this pain upon our family. She would not have left her two week old daughter without a mother. Had she been in her right mind, she would still be here. I believe that to this very day! My sister suffered – in silence – as most people do that have Postpartum Depression. They are so consumed with guilt and shame as this is supposed to be the happiest time in their lives when they have a little baby! Yet, they are truly struggling and are afraid to reach out for help. Oh how I wish my sister had reached out. I wish she had let us know before it had gotten to the point to where she felt helpless in her struggle. I wish she had let us get her help before she took matters into her own hands. If I could turn back the hands of time, she would still be here with us as I would have moved Heaven and Earth to get her help … if she had only reached out at that critical moment when she felt all hope was lost. I imagine she felt ashamed that when she should have been so overcome with joy, she was consumed with grief. Postpartum Depression is hard to understand, for the person going through it and the person watching their loved ones suffer. But, please know that you don’t have to be ashamed … if Postpartum Depression has touched your life, you don’t have to sit in silence. You don’t have to be a statistic. You don’t have to take matters into your hands. Help is available! Please talk to someone and let them know how you are truly struggling so you can get the help you need. IF you are a family member of someone that has just had a baby, please watch them carefully and be there … just be there with them and for them as much as possible. IF you notice ANYTHING out of the ordinary, don’t wait – get them help immediately. Be there for them and let them know that they do not need to be ashamed to ask for help.
That’s the point I want to make in this post today. It takes a very strong and courageous person to admit that they need help! There is NO shame … NONE whatsoever! HELP IS AVAILABLE! You do not have to suffer in silence. Please, reach out and get the help you need. Take that step! I did with my anxiety, and my friend did with her mental illness. Now, I encourage you to as well.
Will you join me and many others today? Stand up and say, “I am not ashamed!” In doing so, you just might be the encouragement that others need to prompt them to reach out for help! Get to talking about mental illness. Talk about anxiety and depression. Let’s also talk about Postpartum Depression. Let’s bring awareness to suicide prevention!
If you, yourself, are struggling, talk to a friend or loved one – ask for prayer from your pastor – and call your doctor to make an appointment. HELP IS AVAILABLE! Please, reach out!
#IAmNotAshamed
