Light, Love, Hope

A music icon from my teenage years has passed away.  Earlier today we heard the news.   Although I didn’t want to believe it, shortly thereafter, it was confirmed by his publicist.  Prince passed away at the age of 57 years old.

That is SO incredibly young!!

I’m sure Prince had plans, just like you and I … and yet, he will never get the opportunity to act on those plans he had for the coming days, weeks, and months of 2016.  I’m sure he did not ring in the new year on January 1st with the knowledge that his days would be short in the new year.

We all think we have so much time on our hands, and yet, we could be called home to be with the Lord at any given moment.  Is your heart right?  If today was your last day, would you be ready to meet your maker?

The news brought such sadness deep within my heart.  Although the world has lost other music icons in the past, I was not affected by this as much as I was today by Prince’s passing.  As much as I loved Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston, I did not cry when they passed.  I was sad, don’t get me wrong.  However, today when I heard the news about Prince, I was overcome with such sadness that literally brought me to tears.  While I didn’t sob deep, heart wrenching sobs, the tears stung my eyes for the passing of this man.  I remember vividly turning up the volume as my friend and I danced wildly under her garage to his songs.  We made up all sorts of dance moves, and we danced our hearts out to songs like “When Doves Cry,” “Little Red Corvette,” “Purple Rain,” etc.   And now, he is gone, but his music and memory will live on.

I’m not sure I was emotional due to any type of real attachment other than growing up listening to his music.  I think deep down I was so emotional due to the reminder that any moment it could be you or I that is called home.  Time is short.  Each day that passes we are losing people – some that are very near and dear to our hearts, while others are merely people we heard of whether they were in the public eye or a friend of a friend.  Each life is precious!

I’m reminded of my age and the uncertainty of what lies ahead.  I don’t want to leave my family.  I want to stay right here with my two daughters, my husband, and my parents living, loving, and enjoying life!  I’m sure Prince and all of the others gone before him wanted to remain with their families also, and yet, their time was cut short.

I realize that people are living longer lives these days.  I just heard of a woman celebrating her 100th birthday recently.  She is in pretty good health considering her age, although she does have a touch of dementia.  She recognizes her loved ones as family, but occasionally, she will not be able to call them by name.  But, she made it to 100 years old!  I hope I make it to 100 years old and am still in good health as well.

I have said for years that I want to be a very old woman rocking my great-great-grandchildren in my lap on my front porch.  I pray that God will grant me my heart’s desire.

It is such a sad, sad thought of having to leave my family one day.  I hope that God will allow me to live a lot longer than Prince, and yet I realize I am not guaranteed that gift.  No one is!

At the time of this writing, I am knocking on the door of 45.  I will be 45 years old this September.  The older I get, the more I realize that time truly does fly by.  I can’t seem to comprehend how, when I was younger, time seemed to crawl … and now it seems a year is gone in the blink of an eye.

I sit back and watch all of the “memories” that pop up on Facebook, and I just sit there at times staring at the screen.  It is so hard to believe that much time has gone by … two years … four years … the other day, a memory from six years ago popped up!  I was taken aback by it!  It did not seem like six years had passed since that moment in time, and yet … it had.

My point in all of this is to get busy LIVING while you still can.  Get out there and enjoy life.  Do what makes you happy and what brings you joy!  Spend time doing things that soothe your heart and soul.  Enjoy every moment possible with your family.  Don’t bury your head in your phone in their presence.  BE PRESENT for them and with them!

My parents are going to be 69 years old this year.  My mom’s birthday is just 10 days away.  I thank GOD for my parents and for allowing them to be on this earth for 69 years.  I pray that He allows them to have 30 more years here in good health, but I fear each and every day that something will happen to them.  I don’t want to ever lose my parents!  They were here just today visiting with me, and I thank God for each and every moment that I get to talk to them, hug them, and tell them that I love them.

I wish we could all live forever!  I know that when Jesus died on the cross, He gave us the gift of eternal life through Him if we only believe and ask Him into our hearts.  It’s losing people this side of heaven, though, that is so extremely heart wrenching.  When they join the angels in song up in Heaven, we are left behind mourning and grieving.  One sweet day, we will be reunited with them.  Until then, it is hard living our lives here on Earth without them.  From losing my sister, my granddaddy, my best friend in the whole world, it never gets easier when we lose someone we love.  It brings some comfort knowing that if we all have our hearts right, we will be reunited in Heaven … one sweet day.

Today, Prince’s family, friends, and fans are left behind to remember this music icon.  We put his songs on repeat and soak in every musical chord he played on his guitar, every note he sang, and we marvel at this music legend taken too soon.

And the doves cry.

I never knew what I would encounter on any given day as I walked through the halls of my high school.

On the first day of my Freshmen year, I remember feeling self conscious and unsure of myself as I looked for my first class.  It didn’t help matters any when one of the Seniors, thinking he was being cute, yelled out for all to hear, “Hey, little girl … Kindergarten is over there …” as he pointed across campus.

Laughter followed by those that overheard his remarks, and there was even some finger pointing as well.  They acted as if they had never seen a short person before.  I just kept right on walking, looking down so as not to make eye contact with anyone, especially those that were making fun of me.

As the school year progressed, I stayed mainly to myself.  It was an awkward time in my life.  I wanted so badly to “fit in” but couldn’t have stood out more!

Then, one day between classes, I saw a girl about the same height as me with long brown hair.  She appeared to be new at the school, and she walked with that all familiar look just as I had on my very first day of high school.  With her head down, trying not to be noticed, she’d glance up ever so often to see if anyone was watching.

I can’t remember who spoke first, but the “short” girl with long brown hair became my very best friend in the whole world!  Her name was Robin.

When Robin entered my life, it didn’t matter that I no longer seemed to “fit in” with anyone else because I fit in with her!  

We seemed to always be together.  If I wasn’t at her house, she was at mine.  We even got our very first job together in high school at a fast food restaurant.  We did everything together!

I had never felt so accepted before or so much a part of something as I did when Robin and I became best friends.  We could tell each other anything!  We’d laugh at the silliest of things, even getting the case of the giggles just by looking at each other.

Ah, yes … I have fond memories of Robin.

We seemed inseparable … up until the point where she got her first really serious, steady boyfriend.  We tried to still hang out and even double date, but Howard claimed the majority of her time.  I was understanding, yet admittedly sad that it seemed I was losing my very best friend in the entire world … while she was gaining a relationship she poured her whole being into.

As time and circumstances would have it, we slowly drifted further apart.  And, I returned to no longer fitting in with others.

After graduation, I received a phone call that I will never forget.  The person on the other end of the line called to tell me that Robin was dead.  She died in a car accident.  I remember holding the phone but being completely frozen, unable to move.  I managed to breathe, although I still am not sure how at that point in time.  I listened to the words coming through the phone and into my ears, and yet, I was having trouble comprehending what the person was saying.

My best friend from high school was … gone.

Shortly thereafter, I received a phone call from Robin’s sister confirming the news.  She was so much younger than us, yet she reached out to let me know what happened and of the funeral arrangements.  Her family even offered to allow me to ride with them several hours away to where Robin would be laid to rest.  I seriously contemplated but later denied their offer.  I preferred to keep the memories of Robin alive from happier times, not to see her in a casket.  It wasn’t long after this phone conversation with her sister that I received another phone call from a “friend” asking if I was going to the funeral.  When I said, “No …” I received such judgment in return with the “How COULD you even think of not going to the funeral?  You were her BEST FRIEND!”   Oh yes, judgement is surely what I needed at a time like that!   Even still, I was firm in my decision.  To this day, I have not regretted it either.

A few weeks ago, Robin’s sister found me on Facebook!  She sent me a message followed by a friend request.  Tears welled up in my eyes as I read her message.  She was only seven years old when I first met Robin and started going to her house.  Little Charity would follow us around as she wanted to be included.  I never had a younger sister – but an older one – so I thought it was cute having her follow us around.  Robin was not entirely amused by it, though.

Charity and I talked in messages, and we shared memories of Robin.  She and I both cried a little during our conversation.

One thing that Charity and I have in common now, and oh how I wish we didn’t, is the fact that both of us have lost our one and only sibling – our older sisters!   I’d like to think that our sisters found each other in Heaven and are friends keeping each other company until we get there.  My sister had a problem with fitting in as well, and I’d like to think that Robin helped her feel at ease and welcome in her presence just as I felt when we became fast friends years ago.

I never had a friend like Robin before, and I doubt I ever will again.  I didn’t have very many female friends that I hung around because it seemed that drama followed.  Imagine that – drama and teenage girls – yep, it is still that way today as I’ve watched my own daughter struggle to fit in and to escape the drama that other girls bring with them.  During the better part of our friendship, though, it wasn’t like that with Robin at all.  We truly were best friends!

As a forty-something year old adult woman, I still have feelings of not fitting in, and I doubt I’ll ever feel so at ease and have such peace within a friendship again as I had with Robin.  Just when I started to feel sad about this again, I stumbled across a message that said, “I never intended for you to fit in.  ~God”  Wow.  God really does know what you need, right when you need it.  I feel like He honestly sent that message to me right when I needed it most today.  Maybe I truly am not meant to fit in with others, for “fitting in” might mean going the way of the world instead of following Him.  I’d rather NOT fit in then, instead, I’d rather stand out or just be a loner.  At least with being a loner, there isn’t quite so much drama to deal with.  At other times, I think it would be nice to have a friend to have lunch with or get together for some girl talk occasionally.  I know deep in the back of my mind, though, that no one will ever fill the void that came about with losing my very best friend in the whole world.

Today has been filled with memories and a few tears.  As I reflect, I am thankful for the “short” girl with long brown hair that allowed me to fit in with her during those rough high school years.   We were, indeed, the best of friends, and oh the memories I will forever hold close to my heart!

In loving memory: