Light, Love, Hope

With recent events just this very week, it has been made painfully clear to me that it is time for me to loosen the grip.  I have tried to allow my daughter to grow up and become independent.  Yet, when she is in trouble or hurting, it is hard for me to sit back when I know that there is something that I can do to help her.  Even if that is intervening, even when others would prefer that I didn’t.

By all accounts, she is an adult.  She is 18 years old, has graduated from high school, and she has entered the work force.  She is an adult!  When situations arise, though, she doesn’t have the maturity to handle them, especially when there is conflict or confrontations involved.  She would rather sit quietly while others carry on ranting and raving about her or pointing out her flaws and imperfections in her work.  There comes a time when you have to stand up for yourself, but she is lacking in that one area because she hates a confrontation.  I do, too, but I have spent way too many years with people running over me to allow it at this stage of the game.  In time, she will gain the maturity, as well as the confidence, to stand up for herself especially when there are injustices being done.

This is where I am lacking … I am deficient when it comes to letting go and allowing my daughter to work it out.  I know she won’t stand up for herself, and it hurts this mother’s heart to see her cowering in the corner over things that people are doing to her when she has a voice.  She just needs to learn to USE it.

Mama bear comes out any time any one messes with her cubs.  That is just how I am built, and I know the other mothers in our reading audience can relate to this 100%!  I have spent 18 years fighting for and taking up for my daughter, and now … why should this be any different?

Oh … right …

She’s an … adult.

But to me, when she faced adversity this weekend and all throughout this week, when trouble was raging all around my beloved daughter … I looked into her eyes and saw my frightened little girl.  My mother’s heart broke in a million pieces as I watched my daughter … tears spilling out of her eyelids and down her cheeks … and at that moment in time, I would do anything in my power to make it all better!

This is where I swoop in and get in the face of all those that try to do my daughter wrong.  This is where I use my wings and swat at the ones threatening to steal my daughter’s peace of mind and sanity for that moment in time … this is where I fling my feathers at them causing them to back away from my daughter!

When the dust settles, she’s thankful that I had her back.  She tells me … yet I wonder if I am doing an injustice to her as well by not allowing her to fight her own battles.

This letting go thing is HARD!

It is so difficult to allow her to take flight when she does not seem prepared.  Yet, I know the time has come.  It is here at last.  It has finally arrived for my daughter.

A time to fly.

And I must watch from a distance as she stretches her wings and prepares to jump from the nest.  As I hold my breath, I pray that the wind beneath her wings will catch her as she takes flight.  And in that moment, I will proudly watch her soar.

Patience?  I had none.  Yes, that’s right.

Oh sure, I started out with it … but three hours later, I will admit that my patience had completely run out.

I had plans of a nice, relaxing evening lounging on the hammock by the pool playing with our black rescue kitten.  I got to enjoy about 15 minutes of this before my oldest daughter came home insisting that she just HAD to go get a new phone RIGHT THAT MINUTE.

Apparently, her phone wouldn’t stay charged no matter what.

Now, if you have children, you KNOW that they are completely addicted to their phones, so asking her to wait ~GASPS OF HORROR~ until the next day was just absolutely out of the question.  She was having it no other way.  And, since she was on my account, I had to be there as the authorized account holder for anything to happen tonight.

As much as I protested, she insisted … and I gave in.

Three hours later we are STILL inside the wireless store because they could not get the transaction to go through on swapping out the phones.  Believe me, I WISH I was exaggerating about the three hours, but sadly, I AM NOT!

Frustration was mounting.

My husband joined us, as did our youngest daughter, and we had not eaten a thing yet.  There we were, all of us, stuck inside the wireless store.  What was the latest problem you might ask?  NOW they had turned her phone off under my account and were trying to activate her under a new account – since she’s an adult now and wanted her own plan/bill/etc.

We sat there waiting for them to resolve this.  Some how, some way, we needed a resolution.  Either get the authorization for the new account under her name … or put her back on my account and reactivate the phone.

Lord only knows what my next bill will look like after all the changes tonight.  They’ve reassured me that they’d take care of any extra charges.  We will see about that.

THREE … HOURS … LATER …

We finally decided to run down the road to get supper while we waited for them to work the problems out on their end.  We left my oldest daughter there tending to her new account and new phone – look at her adult-ing!!!!

Wouldn’t you know it – as luck would have it, they LOST our order at the restaurant as we sat there waiting.  Everyone else behind us had gotten their food, and yet … there we stood … still waiting.

Oh Lordy!

We waited .. and all the while I had to try to find humor in this as I recalled looking over the prompt words preparing to write my daily post … what was the prompt word? PATIENCE!!!!

~uncontrollable laughter~

Once they finally realized there was a problem and we hadn’t received our order, they went back there to personally make the meals themselves.  And then we were on the way back to my oldest daughter who was still stuck at the wireless store.

You’d think that would be the end.  Right?  That when I arrived, I would find her standing outside the wireless store happily talking on or using her new device.  Right?

WRONG!!

They STILL had problems, so back inside we went to wait for them to finish and wrap things up after they got the issues fixed.

We walked out of the wireless store trying not to jump up and down on each other’s nerves due to our frustration with the situation — but not with each other!  Honestly, our patience had worn thin hours ago.  We were spent, exhausted, beyond tired and aggravated.

Patience?  I HAD NONE at that point!

What did I do to remain calm throughout this time period?  Honestly, I will have to say that I did a LOT of deep breathing exercises.  And … I prayed silently to myself, probably not as much as  I should have to be able to remain calm.  But, I tried … HARD … literally for hours!

In the mist of this, her boyfriend texted me.  I’ll admit that with everything going on, I was frazzled!  He listened to my rant via text message, added a little rant of his own, and things started to feel a little better on my end as I released a little of the steam that was building between my ears!

With the week we’ve had … trouble with my daughter’s employer … problems with so called “friends” … problems with a pastor’s wife, nonetheless … oh yes … it’s Tuesday, and I can say that I have had quite enough!

Tomorrow will be another day, and we’ll try again on that leisurely evening of laying in the hammock with my little black rescue cat.

For now …

Goodnight.