Bereaved Parents Month
You may associate July with fun in the sun and enjoying Summer days with your children. We want you to make memories and share in their laughter. We truly do. Sadly, though, July has another meaning to many people as it is Bereaved Parents Month. Will you please stop for a moment and pray for parents everywhere that have lost their children?
About a month ago, a couple in our community lost their precious son who was just over a year old. They are still very much at a loss as to how to go on when their hearts have been ripped out of their chests after losing their son. They have been sharing their story and adorable pictures of their son all while encouraging people to draw closer to God. Their goal right this minute is to bring awareness to Bereaved Parents Month, and we are dedicating this blog post to Remembering Riggs to help with their efforts.
While I do not know the couple personally, I was invited to “like” their Facebook page by one of my friends that does know them. I did so in order to show my support and offer my prayers at this very difficult time that God will comfort as only He can. I’ll be honest. Some of the posts are so heart wrenching, I choke back tears as I read them. This dear mother is hurting so badly, as all mothers everywhere are that have lost their beloved children. The fathers are hurting, too.
My parents probably have no idea that this is Bereaved Parents Month, just as I was not aware until Caroline, the mother of Riggs, brought this to our attention in one of her posts on her Facebook page. My parents lost their oldest daughter on July 9, 2001. Caroline is so fresh in her grief after just losing Riggs a month ago. It is so raw and hurts right to the very core of her being. Although some time has passed and time has lessened the overwhelming pain that they once felt, my parents still remember the loss and the waves of grief that swept over and slammed into them just like it was yesterday. Caroline posted not too long ago about how the pain is so great at times that she doesn’t want to get out of bed, yet she pushes herself to do so. This truly is a grief like none other that cripples you emotionally.
Please pray for parents everywhere that have lost their sweet children. No matter what age they were when they passed, whether it was just a year old like Riggs or 32 years old like my sister when my parents lost her … it still hurts. It is so incredibly sad and heart breaking to think of how they lost little Riggs at just a year old, and yet, during his short life, he has touched so many far and wide. He is still touching people’s hearts today through his mother sharing her heartfelt words with the world.
So many precious lives were cut short, and we’ll never know why. Only God holds those answers … and now He is holding these precious children until the parents are reunited with them in Heaven when God calls them home.
Will you please consider visiting and sharing Caroline’s page, Remembering Riggs? We would like to help her bring awareness to Bereaved Parents Month so people around the globe can pray extra hard for these parents that lost their precious children. They are hurting so badly, and they need all of the support, love, and prayers they can get.
A Time For Everything
I visited the cemetery today. With all that is going on in the world, I had an overwhelming need to slip away. Feeling as if things were pulling at me every which way I turned, I knew that no one would pull at me here; the cemetery. So, I slipped away.
First, I stopped to get a delicious treat, as my sister and I used to always go to lunch together during the week. This would be different, though. It has been different for close to 14 years now. With peanut butter fudge milkshake in hand, I seemed to have tunnel vision all the way to the cemetery.
My gold Tahoe approached the gravel entrance to the cemetery where the American Flag and our State Flags were flapping in the hot breeze that swept across the green grass and headstones. I came to a complete stop next to an old tree that looks like there isn’t much life left in it. With no leaves and the branches bare, it just stands there on the corner not even providing a little bit of shade on this hot day.
Sitting in my car for a moment longer soaking up the air conditioning, I drew in a deep breath and made myself get out of the comfort of my Tahoe. Reaching into the backseat, I claimed the beautiful cross I purchased just yesterday at Michael’s that had such beautiful flowers on the front of the cross. When I saw it, I knew I had to have it. And so, with cross in hand, I make my way down the concrete walkway that would take me to my sister’s graveside.
Sighing heavily, it seemed to take forever to reach her grave. Then there I stood, looking down at the marker with her name on it. It’s hard to believe that this is our reality. It has almost been 14 years now, and yet, I remember every single detail just like it was yesterday. I remember the shock and terror that rushed through my veins that morning as I feared the worst and learned that it was true. My worst nightmare had become reality as my sister had taken her life. Postpartum depression claimed another victim. My heart and soul, to the core of my being, still mourns the great loss of my sister, my one and only sibling.
What made me go today, of all days? In this 101 degree heat with high Southern humidity? The overwhelming need, feeling as if I was literally drawn to their gravesides. Those of my sister, my great grandparents, as well as my grandparents.
With all of the talk of the deaths lately, with nine people being gunned down in our state a little over a week ago … and with coverage of the mourners … as well as my daughter’s boyfriend still fresh in his grief having lost his grandfather four months ago today … I had to be closer to pay my respects.
The cemetery is not a place I frequent. I haven’t been out there in a while, and I’m sure my parents and other family members have shaken their head and felt disappointment in me for not going more often. I Just can’t. Some people find great comfort there. It is their loved ones resting place. They gain some form of comfort by “visiting” with them there. For me, though, I prefer to just speak to my loved ones no matter where I am or what I’m doing. I don’t have to visit their grave to do that. Actually, I feel that I have signs of them visiting me at my home from time to time as little dragon flies, butterflies, and Cardinals appear seemingly right when I need a reminder that they are there and that love remains even if they are no longer physically here on this earth. Sure, others could argue over these “signs” or “visits” from my loved ones, but I have my own beliefs and will not be swayed.
I’m reminded that there is a time for everything (see Ecclesiastes 3).
Today was my time to visit, to allow myself to mourn a little, to feel these feelings and cry if I needed to let it out.
Yesterday my niece turned 14 years old. My niece. The one that we haven’t been allowed much contact with since my sister’s passing on that hot July day. Our time to laugh and celebrate on June 25th, when my niece was born, soon turned to a time to mourn and cry just two weeks later on July 9th when my sister took her own life due to the overwhelming emotional pain she felt due to postpartum depression. And yet, we had no idea how bad it truly was.
I am sad today for what I’ve witnessed on Facebook from my 14 year old niece. As much as I wish, want, and would have preferred things to be different, I had no say in this. It was out of my hands and has been this entire time. My sister would not have stood for her daughter to have grown up the way she has, and yet, she was not here to see to it that she grew up any differently. I am sad for how this 14 year old has been motherless all of these years and how we were really not allowed to be a part of her life for the majority of her 14 years. She went to live with her other grandparents, and my former brother-in-law pretty much has not been a father to her all of these years either (she said this once to my parents about him). He pulled away, and he once blamed her for his wife’s death saying that had his daughter not been born, his wife would still be here. NO … it was wrong to blame the innocent child that did not ask to be born. It is extremely sad what has happened, but we can’t blame her. She was innocent in this all, and yet, he withdrew pretty much from her all the while not allowing our side of the family to be with her much at all. Visits here and there were briefly allowed before he took her right back from us. I stopped counting after four times of him snatching this baby from me. Yes, I was allowed to have her briefly when she was a baby, then she was taken from me again until she was a toddler. Then I was allowed a little time only for her to be taken back from us once more. As she grew into a child, I had brief encounters with her, but her behavior was so extreme, violent, and just out of control that we could not get her on a regular basis even if they would have allowed it at that point.
Today I allowed the feelings.
Tomorrow I will be better.
There is a time for everything.
United We Stand
It’s been all over the news that a white man walked into a church last Wednesday, sat with the African American people for an hour, and then opened fire on them. Also reported is that the man desired to start a “race war.” In the face of this tragic event and precious lives that were lost, Charleston and the surrounding area has joined together, hand in hand, arm in arm … heart to heart. I’ve never been more proud to be from the state of South Carolina than I am right this very minute due to this.
While the nation has watched to see what South Carolina’s response is going to be to the attack on the most historic AME church in Charleston, they didn’t see riots. They didn’t see torching businesses. And, they didn’t see looting. Instead, they saw a community come together. They witnessed whites and blacks hugging on the streets and walking hand in hand across the bridge in Charleston on Sunday to show that we ARE united.
Praise God – UNITED WE STAND!!!
If what the media says is true and this white man wished to start a race war, he LOST because if anything, this tragedy has united people from different backgrounds, cultures, and races. We stand together as one race – the human race!
The victim’s families have said, “I forgive you.”
Can you imagine losing your loved ones in this way, and yet, you forgive the shooter? Would you be so quick to have those words pass through your lips? Think about it. If your family member had been gunned down, would you be able to say to the person that took their life that you forgive them … and would you honestly mean it? THAT is a tough one. But, that is what we, as Christians, are to do. We cannot harbor ill feelings or hatred in our hearts.
This tragedy has brought up other debates such as the argument that we need to ban all guns now. It has also brought up the debate on whether the confederate flag should be removed from our state house. There are varying opinions on both of these issues. Guns don’t kill people – people kill people. While this young man was given a gun for his birthday a few short months ago, I’m sure his father had NO idea that his son was going to carry out such an evil plan. He had no way of knowing unless his son verbalized it, and if he did, I’m sure the father didn’t say, “Atta boy!” This man, I believe, truly had NO idea what he was doing by placing this gun into his son’s hand. He had NO idea that a few short months later, his son would claim the lives of nine innocent people as they sat inside their church worshipping God.
Yes, this man did have pictures that have come out in the media now where he was bearing the confederate flag. I have seen pictures of him holding the gun with the flag in the picture nearby. So, yes, the flag is up for debate once more.
It is sad that the confederate flag is supposed to be a symbol of our history, and yet, to so many African Americans, it is offense due to what, in their mind, it represents. One thought is, if it is that offensive, why NOT take it down? Honestly. If it is causing that much of a problem, just take it down. If it is a constant reminder of slavery, although my family didn’t own any slaves to the best of my knowledge, then take it down. Why keep a constant reminder for things to continue to be stirred up? If this will end racism, TAKE THE FLAG DOWN! Sadly, though, no matter if the flag remains or if the flag is taken down, racism will not be eliminated. It will still surface and rear it’s ugly head in other ways. If there was a sure fire way to end racism, I would be the first in line … sign me up!
Oh how I wish racism didn’t exist.
We haven’t seen the end of it yet, and I’m sure the shooting last Wednesday will continue to be a topic of conversation for quite a while to come. Right along with banning guns and removing the flag from the state house.
In the mist of all of this, I will choose to focus on the group of 9,000 that stood along the bridge in Charleston hand in hand on Sunday. I will also turn my attention to the church bells that were ringing all over Charleston in memory of the nine that lost their lives last Wednesday.
I will choose to focus on South Carolina being united, standing together in love … sweet love.
