Light, Love, Hope

Now, I know what you’re thinking.  Everyone has their own beliefs about meeting people on the internet.  We’ve heard horror stories of kidnappings and serial killers.  We were told of the pure evilness of the internet as if the devil himself orchestrated it.  Now it was invading every household.   With that in mind, I was certain to disguise myself behind a screen name that gave off little information about myself.  Besides, it wasn’t just myself I had to think about here, for I had a toddler to protect!

I wasn’t as creative as this mysterious Shyknight character.  I was just an ordinary girl stepping out into the vast unknown of the world wide web.  SHB01 was what I came up with, which was later turned into Shooby by adoring fans.  Ha!  My “friends in the box” teased me with that nickname after we all became familiar with each other and comfortable enough to poke fun.  Yes, even Sir Shyknight, who we later learned had a tendency to be a prankster.

Ah, but in those early days, we were all just putting ourselves out there little by little, wondering if we would be accepted.  We came, just as we were from different walks of life, and surprisingly, we were welcomed with open arms.  One by one, friendships were formed just by a couple of strangers sharing their heartache and pain, mixed with laughter along the way.  Stories were shared of real-life struggles we were facing. Surprisingly to me, others were in deeper turmoil than I.  They, too, were in need of support and found it harder as adults to make new friends.  So, we sat at our computers, staring at the screen.  Scrolling through the topics, we read pieces that allowed a glimpse into that person’s life.  Often times we would take our conversations out of the public arena and into private emails or chats.  We shared with complete honesty and transparency our innermost thoughts and feelings without holding back.  That’s one thing about the internet.  Because you don’t walk alongside them daily in real life, you feel free to bare your soul.  You do so without hesitation or fear. You feel safe as you forge ahead.  In doing so, true friendships were made.  My new friends made me forget the ugliness that was going on around me.  Through their acceptance, compassion, support, and encouragement, they restored my faith in humanity.

It became a nightly ritual for me.  After reading my daughter’s favorite book to her, she would put her tiny hands together to pray.  As she closed her eyes, the longest blonde eyelashes touched her cheeks. With her favorite blanket and her
pink “Love Me” bear by her side, I tucked her into bed.  I kissed her on the forehead as she drifted off to dreamland.  I sat watching my little angel sleep for a while.  She was so peaceful.  I stroked her hair as I admired this beautiful gift God has given me.  I have always felt so completely blessed to be her mother.  Not wishing to wake her, I would quietly sneak out of her room into the next.  As I turned on the computer, I looked forward to sharing a few hours with my online friends.

The realization had just hit me. I had committed myself. I had committed myself to leaving the safety of my inner world where I controlled things. Where I hid myself from exposing myself inner self and feelings.

I could do what I always did. I could run. I could run and never come back. No one would notice. I would just be a brief whisp of a comment that disappeared into the night. A thought that never happened.

But. It’s an interesting word, “but.” It can pull you back from the abyss, from making a wrong choice. And there it stood, taunting me. “But, what if?”
That phrase haunted me the next day, “but, what if?” There was something pulling, tugging at me to leave my little safety zone. It was like a little voice whispering, “Take the risk. What could happen?”

“Take the risk.”

Do I dare?

I sat there staring at the screen.  An interesting individual appeared in our online community.   Not only did this brave man have an intriguing name, but he wanted a topic that, typically, only women seem concerned with:  romance.

Shyknight

His name almost jumped off the screen at me.  I envisioned him standing tall with his shiny metal armor on, shield in place, sword drawn, ready to defend our honor.  A knight in shining armor flung the door wide open and stood confidently in the doorway.

My imagination started to run wild.  As I type these words, the movie “A Knight’s Tale” comes to mind.

Ah, but he’s a shy one.  Well, we shall see if we can drawn him into our conversation on the topic at hand.  Romance … and so we dove head first into the topic.