Man Code 101
Welcome to Man Code 101!
I feel compelled to reveal some of the man code behind how to get your husband, boyfriend, significant other, etc. to open up (besides the woman putting them in a headlock and not releasing until they do! Just kidding!).
Society has really done a disservice to men. They are told to stuff their feelings inside at a young age and not to cry. Later in life this can hinder their relationships when their wives expect them to express their feelings – and for good reason. By the time they get older and are supposed to be mature men, some guys just don’t have any skills developed to handle these types of emotions because of earlier influences to “suck it up.”
If you say, “Can we talk about our feelings, dear?” don’t be surprised if they first look at you with a blank stare – the deer in the headlights look. Their eyes may get as big as saucers, too. They may even run like a cheetah into their emotional man cave.
Warning! Warning! Don’t go into the emotional man cave with a stick! It’s worse than a mama bear’s cave with her cub. If he retreats, just let him be. It probably won’t last very long.
Also, if you didn’t know it by now, men do have times of the month when they are moody as well. It isn’t just women that go through PMS. Men do as well. Yes, I am a man admitting this!
What can you do to get your man to open up?
*Realize that men struggle with insecurity and self esteem as well. It is not just something that women struggle with. Men are affected, too, and therefore need their wives to offer words of praise to stroke their ego. This isn’t as bad as it sounds. From a man, I do need this as it makes up for the insecurities that I am feeling inside when I am battling low self esteem, too. It helps when Shirley offers words of praise even over the smallest of things. It is huge to me.
*All men love to be encouraged in things they like to do. Just come up with something sincere to let him know that you support him. You will see him kind of turn and light up. THAT is when it’s working! For my wife and I, Shirley supported me in my interest to restore my 1969 Camaro. She encouraged me to get back into a hobby that I used to love, and now she goes with me to car shows. OR, she will drive the 69 around. Can you imagine my smile from the passenger seat? (This car is special to us both as I had it back in high school and made my first trip to see Shirley in that very car!)
*This is similar for women, but in order for a man to have any chance of opening up or peeking his head out of his emotional man cave, he has to feel safe with sharing his feelings without being blamed or feeling threatened. Even if everything is his fault, it is just better to have him see or discover that it is without you pointing it out. I know it sounds like handling a grown man with kid gloves, but men are just like that. There. It’s out now. A man has to trust the woman to handle his emotional side with care and not fault finding and the blame game.
*If he opens his mouth the least little bit, let him finish. Obviously this is a two way street. It shows each other that you truly care what the other has to say and you care about their feelings on both sides.
*Be careful with how you ask questions. Be specific but not harsh, especially if he’s pondering or thinking on something at the moment.
*Laugh at his jokes, yes – even if they are dry. Or get him to laugh at your jokes to lighten things up a little.
*This is similar to what I spoke of earlier on encouraging your spouse in something they enjoy. It is so important to share a hobby together. Men just like doing things together with you, and it is especially important when you share an interest together. That makes it a hundred times better! He is much more likely to talk while working on or doing something you both like and enjoy. For Shirley and I, we enjoy horseback riding together. Just recently, something was bothering me in the middle of a trail ride. We stopped and sat on our horses and just talked it out with Shirley encouraging me about what was troubling me. Pretty soon, I felt better, and we could continue to enjoy our ride. (She even said, “Don’t let this ruin your ride.” If you recall from previous posts, I said something similar in a post I wrote not too long ago. Her reflecting my words back let me know that she was paying attention. I felt validated.)
*Be careful NOT to say things such as, “You never … ” or “You always …” Yes, this is hard on both sides. I acknowledge that.
*Be happy with any progress in him expressing his feelings. Don’t expect too much at once. Once men have suppressed their feelings for so long and finally get to open up, they may feel an emotional overload.
*Find out his love language. This goes back to the very first one that started us off on this list. Words of Affirmation are high on my list, and Shirley knows it.
Don’t be discouraged if your man hasn’t opened up just yet. Give him time, practice the above, and in time, he will begin to open up to you.
Good luck, and best wishes!
Family Movie Night With The Identical
Imagine that it’s the 1930s, in the middle of the depression. Jobs are scarce, and your wife is about to deliver your baby any day now. You are told by your boss that you are no longer needed at work, despite your begging and pleading as you have a wife and child to provide for. Feeling at your wits end and not knowing what to do, you look for any way to make this situation better. Then, your wife gives birth to not one but two baby boys! Oh these sweet miracles should have been the greatest blessing to their parents, yet, anxiety continues to rise within you as you have no idea how you will provide for two babies now. Seeking answers through your faith, you attend a sermon one evening where the preacher tells of the trials he and his wife have experienced in miscarrying a child and fearing they will not be allowed to be parents as their heart desires. Hearing the preacher say it is better to give than to receive, you make your way home to where you present to your wife a proposal to give the preacher and his wife one of your children to raise. At first your wife is not happy with you at all and says there is no way she can possibly give up one of her babies. She grows angry, then tears fill her eyes and find their way down her cheek. Later, however, when things do not get better and with the threat that her children could be taken away, she makes the heart wrenching decision to allow the preacher and his wife to have one of their precious identical twin boys.
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My family and I were seeking a movie to watch so we all sat down for our weekly family movie night with The Identical, and the above is how the movie began. We enjoyed this movie for many reasons from beginning to end and are confident that you will, too! First and foremost, it is, indeed, a family friendly movie. We didn’t have to worry about what our children might accidentally see or hear when this movie started playing. It was clean and suitable for all ages to enjoy, and that we did!
My husband and children especially liked this movie because there were some similarities that made us think of the life of Elvis Presley. (They are huge Elvis fans!) One thing that stood out for us was that his parents were poor, and his mom delivered twin boys; however, the difference is that Elvis Presley’s brother was stillborn. In the movie, the parents made the hard decision to give one of their identical twins away – before they were taken away by the authorities – to a preacher and his wife, and the movie focuses on the preacher’s kid growing up in church. As he grew into a teenager and into a young adult, the main character, Blake Rayne, resembles Elvis Presley from his looks, to the way he sings, and even the way he moves! There is a good reason for this, too, as my husband looked him up after we watched the movie to find that Mr. Rayne is a former Elvis impersonator, having won an Elvis impersonator contest in 1998. (Check out his Facebook page here.)
As we watched this movie, we imagined Elvis and his first beginnings as an artist. With his passion for different music, rockabilly, to the way he moved his body, we imagined Elvis in the early days before he became a superstar!
Later in the movie, we began to see more of the twin brother that remained with the parents and went on to stardom. The movie tied in with a twist that you will not want to miss!
Don’t worry! We don’t believe in ruining the movie by telling you how it ends. There will not be any “spoiler alerts” here. Instead, what we would like to do is to offer you a chance to enter a giveaway to win a copy of The Identical.
If you are interested, please enter our giveaway below! Please, share it with your friends and family members, any one in your network that you think may enjoy this movie.
Many thanks to Propeller Consulting, LLC for providing this prize for the giveaway. Choice of winners and opinions are 100% my own and NOT influenced by monetary compensation. I did receive a sample of the product in exchange for this review and post. Only one entrant per mailing address, per giveaway. If you have won the same prize on another blog, you are not eligible to win it again. Winner is subject to eligibility verification.
Winter Jam 2015
The lights, the music, the Christian superstars … they all fill the stage for a night of powerful, moving, and Christ-honoring music! Are you ready for Winter Jam 2015?
My family and I first attended Winter Jam with our church a few years ago. We all piled into the big church bus and made our way an hour to Columbia with excitement building the entire way there. Although we arrived early, the line was wrapped around the building! People came from several cities away to hear and see all that Winter Jam had to offer.
I remember seeing Francesca Battistelli for the very first time live on stage that night. What is especially cool is that years later, I came to know Francesca’s mother on a personal level as we co-lead an (In)Courage group together. Awesome, right? I used to love hearing stories about “Franny,” as her mom often referred to her, and the grandchildren.
That night we also saw Tenth Avenue North live on stage. My daughter and I were a part of an interpretive movement group at our church, and we ministered through several of their songs. By Your Side is one of my favorite songs by them, and although many years have passed since we performed sign art to this song, I still remember the movements and go right along with the song whenever it comes on the radio.
We were also introduced to Toby Mac that night and were amazed by his Christian – sometimes rap style – music. Later, our church performed a few hip-hop numbers to his songs. He is still one of our favorite Christian artists today.
Ah, what fond memories!
We are looking forward to Winter Jam again this year as Francesca Battistelli is back! She will be bringing her powerful voice to the stage along with other artists in the line up such as: Skillet, Jeremy Camp, Building 429, Family Force 5, Newsong, For King & Country, Blanca, About A Mile, and Veridia, with speaker Tony Nolan. What’s better than all of these artists in one night on the stage? You get all of these Christian artists, the powerful, Christ-honoring and glorifying music and stage show, all for the price of $10!
Unbelievable, right?
But, It’s true!
This is the best concert around, and you just can’t beat the price!
The Winter Jam tour kicked off on January 2, 2015, and they are coming to a city near you! Interested? Check out their cities and tour dates here.
