Loved? As In Past Tense?
Here’s a little pet peeve of mine: When someone says “I loved him/her” after someone has passed away. Loved? As in past tense?
But … why?
I understand that the individual they are speaking of is not here on this earth any longer, but to phrase it in such a way right after the person’s passing just seems cold to me.
For me, there is no “loved.” When I love a person, it is forever. Whether they are here on this earth or gone to be with our Heavenly Father above. I refuse to refer to it in the past tense because my love did not stop for this individual the day they passed away. When I love, it is for all eternity.
I have just been sitting here thinking about this again. It has bothered me in the past, but even more so now. One of my dear friends passed away in November. I still love her very much and always will. My sister passed away 13 years ago. I still love her, too, ’til the stars fall into the sea! My love is for all eternity.
While the person may pass away, love will live on in our hearts. There is no end to love that is true and real. It lives on.
That’s my two cents.
An Open Book? Not So Fast!
Once upon a time I was an open book. My friends and family didn’t have to ask about the details of my life because I would freely share with them. I had no secrets so why not share and share alike, right? Wrong. It often became one sided with me sharing and them not giving any details at all about their lives.
I don’t like one sided relationships … at all.
When there isn’t anything coming from the other party, I have nothing to talk about where they are concerned. The only thing I know to talk about is my stuff.
That gets old … fast.
So, an open book now? Not so fast! Not any more!
If a person truly wants to carry on a conversation with me, they will share about their life, their dreams, their goals, even their work day and their family. I wouldn’t care if they talked endlessly about their dog or cat, as I’ve been known to go on and on about my horses. Just so long as they were engaged in the conversation.
Even if they feel like they don’t have anything of worth or value to add, maybe I would feel differently … and I do!
I believe I read this in one of Dr. Gary Chapman’s books or articles, but it was suggested that at the end of the day a couple should reconnect and share at least three things that happened during the course of their day when they’ve been apart. Each person needed to share three things … not just one person. Again, there’s that one sided conversation and relationship again which I now avoid!
This doesn’t just apply for couples in a relationship but could be for friends, too.
I can understand that some people want to hold certain things back, and that is fine. I am in total agreement, but when the conversation is mainly me talking, me sharing, and me asking questions to get things going … it just becomes too draining for me.
I feel as if the person truly doesn’t want to talk or share or anything … because they don’t!
When once uncomfortable silence made me nervous, I just allow silence to fill the air. Whether we’re in person, on the phone, or even in emails or private messages. While I appreciate someone sending me a “Hi, how are you …” … “hope you’re having a good day …” message, where is the meat in the conversation?
Small talk makes me uncomfortable. There, I said it.
I’m not one that mingles well at parties either. I just don’t do small talk well at all. I guess I would be more of a wallflower because I would tend to stay to myself. BUT, put me in a situation where there is deep conversation, and I will talk and listen for hours on end … and have. (My husband and I once talked for ten hours straight when we were dating, no kidding!)
So, to my friends: If I am more quieter than usual, now you know why. If you want to have a conversation, it is going to take two participants, not just me.
I will reserve parts of my life and not be so much of an open book any longer. I have nothing to hide, but if people want details, they will have to share theirs as well and not just idle conversation.
That’s where I am today.
Pondering Christmas
I have been pondering Christmas for a number of reasons. I guess as I’ve grown older, Christmas does not mean what it once did. When there was so much fuss over presents and what material items were on our “wish lists,” we have grown to realize that no amount of money spent could come close to comparing to quality time with our loved ones. It’s not about the material possession that we stand to gain as we gather around the tree anticipating what’s in the boxes underneath the red and green wrapping paper complete with bright shiny bows. It’s what is inside of our hearts and in our arms that matter most. If we have unconditional love tucked inside our hearts and the ones that mean the most to us held within our arms, what more could we possibly want or need?
Do we purposely stop to consider what Christmas is all about any way? We should. It isn’t about the presents under the tree at all, or at least it shouldn’t be! The focus should be on Jesus who came into this world as a little tiny baby. This little one came to save the world! If we only believe in Him and ask Him into our hearts … why does that seem so hard for so many people when it really is quite simple?
At this time of year everyone seems so much nicer. They have a smile on their faces and seem more cheerful than they have all year long. It seems to be the magic in the air around Christmastime, and all of this has gotten me to thinking …
What if it were Christmas all year?
Why can’t it be?
I don’t wish to take away from this special time of year at all. However, if you think about how everyone is showing more concern, care, and compassion for their fellow man at this time of year, I can’t help but ask: Why can’t we move that into every day of the year? Why do we save it for just a month out of the entire year? When there is so much love inside of your heart, why not share it more often?
If you stop to be kind and considerate to strangers during the month of December because you’re in the spirit of the holidays, why not carry that over to the other 11 months of the year?
If you put priority on helping to feed the homeless and the less fortunate during the last month of the year, are you not concerned about those same individuals as the calendar flips to a new year?
If you strive to help places such as the Women’s Shelter provide clothing for the abused and neglected women and children that now call this place their “home,” do you not think of them at any other time of the year? Why now? Why not more often? Their struggles are real 365 days a year, not just for one that marks the 25th day of December.
Am I the only one that feels this way? Or do you feel it, too? You … there … the one reading this. Is it resonating with you as well? What can we as the human race do to help more people, to reach more souls in need on just more than one calendar day a year?
Oh how I wish it could be Christmas all year.
