Finding Encouraging Words
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 4:29
Our words have power. Do you use yours to build up your spouse? Are you intentionally finding encouraging words to speak over your mate?
We have to be careful here because if we are having a bad day our natural reaction is to tell the ones closest to us all about it. Normally the work related stress spills over to your spouse. Either they feel it when you arrive home or they will end up hearing about it shortly thereafter.
About two years ago, my husband and I got into a bad habit of venting to each other on our breaks, at lunch, and on the drive home from work. It did not take long before we dreaded when the phone would ring. Why? Because our words were not used to lift each other up. Instead, we focused on what was bringing each of us down, and we ended up bringing the other down, too! While we all need someone to talk to about things that bother us – and who better than your spouse – you have to be careful that you aren’t spewing venom all over each other and taking things out on the other when your spouse is innocent and undeserving of this ill treatment, even if it is the constant venting that we do to each other, it can bring our spouses down in the process of getting stuff off of our chests.
Also, be careful that your bad mood doesn’t spark you to be unhappy with something that your spouse says or does later when you’re together. IF you’re aggravated already, the chances are pretty high that things may not go your way because you’re already upset so the least little thing can set you off to where you end up hurting your spouse’s feelings or you could end up snapping at the children just because your patience is already thin.
It is hard in times like this, but earlier in this series we spoke of Praising The Positive. Pay special attention to Philippians 4:8 and what it is saying! Are you focusing on what is true, pure, right, holy, friendly, and proper? What about things that are truly worthwhile and worthy of praise? Now, shift your focus over to Ephesians 4:29. Are you saying good and helpful things so that your words are an encouragement to others? Are you saying the right things at the right times in order to be helpful to your spouse in what you say? Are you ensuring that nothing foul or dirty comes from your mouth? Are you using your words as a gift to your mate?
Stop right there for a minute and realize that your words truly can be gifts! Yes, actions speak louder than words, BUT … you can choose your words wisely and they can become gifts to your spouse.
Consider this.
Ladies, your man wants to know that you respect him, admire him and think he’s capable. He wants to know that you believe in him and his abilities to care for you and the family, provide for you and overcome challenges. He also wants to know that you still find him desirable. Your affirming words to him can make a stressful day at work instantly melt away and turn his focus on you and how you just said things that built him up, especially at a time when he needed it the most.
Gentlemen, your woman wants to feel desirable as well, but above that, she wants to feel cherished, appreciated, and treasured! They also have a desire to feel needed … and no, not as a maid, cook, or servant! They need tenderness from you as well. Have you taken the time to express all of these things to her? Have you given her the gift of your words but also put action behind it so she knows without a shadow of a doubt that you hold her in high regard and think the world of her?
Join us tomorrow for … Making A Memory.
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Checking The Baggage
Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”
Matthew 11:28 NLT
Today’s lesson is one that we ALL need! Every one of us has carried baggage into our relationships and marriages. Not a single one of us are immune when it comes to things of the past that have hurt us greatly. Whether we’re talking about things from our childhoods growing up, to past relationships, to things that have even hurt us in our marriages. There is one thing that they all have in common, though. They are all in the past! Each and every one of these events that you are carrying around with you all happened at some point in the past. There is no changing them and no going back at this point. We can only go forward! In order to do so, we have to make peace with things in our past that are haunting us still to this very day.
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Taking A Walk
As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him.
Colossians 2:6 NASB
Cindi began this chapter talking about her aunt and uncle. They have been married for an impressive 53 years! While things haven’t always been calm for this couple, they have slowed down as they have gotten older and now have the opportunity to literally walk together in their seventies.
In this day and age, families are always on the run. I know a few years ago I was almost burnt out by the running around that we were doing! I felt as if I hit the ground running when my eyes would open in the morning. From rushing to get the children dressed and off to school, followed by rushing to the office where I worked a full day, to then rushing to get my girls from school just to rush to dance practice, followed by finally being able to rush home, help with homework, bath time, and then getting in the bed to do it all over again the next day. Whew! I was worn out! At the time, though, it was my normal routine. I knew it was wearing on me, but I just did not realize how much at the time. If we weren’t rushing to dance practice, we were rushing to a church activity as we were involved in SO much with the church, too! My husband was a Deacon and also a part of the Buildings & Grounds Committee. I was a member of the choir and Director of an interpretive movement and sign art group at the church. One would think that with a crazy week like what we had that we would be able to rest on the weekend. That just wasn’t to be, though, as we had to get things done around the house on Saturday on days that we were not committed to dance rehearsals for an upcoming play or event at church, and while Sunday should have been a day of rest, it was slam packed from the time we got up in the morning. We would attend Sunday School, the church service, break for lunch, then hurry back for interpretive movement practice, then stay for the church service. After the evening service we would rush home to make sure all of the homework was done, book bags were packed for the next morning, and get the children baths. Then we would fall into bed from exhaustion!
Walking together? Literally? Back then, who had time!?
But, that is just the point that Cindi and Hugh make in their book and the point that I’m getting at here with this post. It may not be possible at certain points in our lives to take walks together due to our busy schedules, but if you’re too busy to spend quality time with the ones that you love … then you’re TOO BUSY!
