Light, Love, Hope

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Ephesians 4:2

Let’s face it.  There are times that our spouses do things that really irk us and tick us off.  When this happens, you have a choice on how you respond.  You could immediately snap back with an attitude, but I can imagine the hard feelings that would come from this AND the fight that is about to develop from your lashing out.  Some people like to clear the air so they can quickly move past it, so addressing it works for them especially if they go into it with a little more of a loving response.  Other times, though, maybe it is better to just extend grace and not mention their shortcomings at all.

That is a hard one!

I’m not suggesting that you should brush something critical under the rug.  Not by any means!  But you truly do have to pick your battles.  Everything that your spouse does is not done to irritate you or annoy you.  Some times things just happen.  Don’t try to analyze the motive behind the actions.  Just realize that they are just as human as YOU are.

As Cindi put it in the book, for every five things that Hugh does that annoys her, she probably does ten things that annoy him!  Often times we do not want to see this in ourselves, but it’s true.  We’re only human, too, and there will be times we irritate our spouses.  That is why it is so important to extend grace in your marriages!  Be quick to extend grace and forgive your spouse, just as you would like your spouse to be quick to extend grace and forgive you.

There are far greater things to exert your energy on in your lives and in your marriage.  Fighting should not be one of them.  Quickly resolve the issue, even if that means overlooking and not commenting on something that irks you.  Take a deep breath in, blow it out, and let all of your anxieties go with it!  Then you’re free to move on humbly to more important issues.

Love never fails, ladies and gentlemen.

Join us tomorrow for … Taking A Walk

For all posts in this series for #write31days, click here.

Buy the book on Amazon: When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark,

Jesus got up, left the house and went off

to a solitary place, where he prayed.

Mark 1:35

While it is important to spend time together as a couple, it is also wise to take time away to rejuvenate. Making time for yourself will also enrich your relationships. You will find that giving each other space is a good thing. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

Cindi & Hugh found this truth out in their marriage as well, even allowing the other to travel alone. While traveling solo would not interest me, it worked in their marriage. Cindi was unable to go on the trip due to her speaking engagements, but Hugh really needed this time away due to stresses in his life. This was a wonderful gift that Cindi gave to her husband. My husband and I enjoy taking trips together, so if one were not able to go, we would just postpone the trip until our schedules allowed us to travel together. However, there are other ways that we take time to ourselves while giving each other space. Today we did that very thing.

My husband enjoys tinkering with his classic car. We have a 69 Camaro, and we have been wanting to fix it up for the past few years. We purchased a bunch of parts recently to get him started on the interior, as the exterior is in pretty good shape from when he restored it many years ago. It has been preserved by being kept in our shop for all of these years. My husband and I belong to a classic car club in town, and we are having our annual car show this coming weekend. Our goal is to have this car at the show! In order to do that, he needed to devote time to working on the interior.  We just had a couple’s day Saturday where we went trail riding together on our horses, so Sunday was the perfect day to devote to his car while I devoted time to my writing. We had our much needed time away to rejuvenate, and at the end of the day, we looked forward to reconnecting. He shared the progress he made on the car, and I shared my writing with him. This worked perfectly for us.

While we enjoy the great outdoors together going horseback riding and fishing, I do realize that he will need alone time in the great outdoors as well. Hunting is just not my thing, but he enjoys it. This is something he can do alone and enjoy himself. He will feel the stress relief while sitting in the deer stand waiting on the big one to step out.

I enjoy massages. While that isn’t the same as being alone in the middle of the forest, I enjoy the relaxing atmosphere as I lay there listening to the soft music playing while the stress is worked out of every muscle in my body. The massage therapist is quiet as she works her magic, and I feel like I’m in heaven for that hour that I’m in there. I leave refreshed and rejuvenated.

This works for us. While these are just a few ideas, find what works for your marriage. It’s important to talk to your mate first, though, so they will not feel that time away means time away from them.  Reassure your mate that you are not asking for time away because they’ve done something wrong or something that bugged you. Let them know that you’re not angry with them.  Simply put, you just need time away to recharge your batteries.  Even Jesus needed time away, as stated in the bible verse at the beginning of the post!

Join us tomorrow for … Extending Grace.

Buy the book on Amazon: When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection

Previously in this series:

Introduction:  A New Journey

Day One:  Enjoying The Journey

Day Two:  Leaving Self On The Shelf

Day Three:  From Tense To Tender

Day Four:  Praising The Positive

Day Five:  The Power of A Note

… my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer.

Psalm 45:1

We all have bad days.  Things seem to come at us from every angle at times.  Maybe you’ve had a rough day due to coworkers at the office, or perhaps it was the exchange of heated words with your spouse the night before that is still troubling you.  There’s also the feelings that we have when our children are disrespectful or disobey us at times, not to mention harsh words from a friend.  All of this can leave you feeling beat up, unappreciated, unloved, and of little worth and value at the end of the day.  You’ve reached the point to where you’ve just had enough and are about to blow your top!  Maybe women are more prone to this, as Cindi and Hugh point out in their book, due to stifling their anger while they hang on to insults as they feel tension and pressures rising all while dealing with wonderful hormones!  Some times we just lose it and end up spewing venom … but often times it is on the ones we love the most.

What if, in the mist of all of this, you discovered a love note from your spouse?  Would that help you in that critical moment?  I think it would!  Cindi speaks of how she had a really bad day and was losing it fast when she found a rose with a simple note attached that said, “Love you, Wife.”  She really did lose it then, but in a good way.  Tears welled up in her eyes as she felt loved at that very moment.  At a critical point, she was reminded of her worth and value when she needed it the most.

Just think of how your words have power!  Use them to build your loved ones up and remind them often of how much they mean to you.  Use the power of a note to touch their hearts and lives.  It only takes a minute to write sweet and loving words on an index card or a sticky note.  Take the time!  Place the note where they will be sure to find them.  If they are traveling, stick these sweet notes in their luggage so they will find them as they are unpacking.  Or, something that I especially love to do for my daughters, slip a note that says “I love you” in their lunch box.  I have done this on occasion as well when fixing my husband’s lunch for the next day.  It’s a simple thing that can mean so very much to them.  It is worth the extra effort!  I have even slipped little notes inside of his wallet so when he flips it open, there it will be.  I’ve left love notes on the dash of his truck so he’ll find them when he gets ready to go to work, and he has left me sweet little notes as well.  I have found sticky notes on the bathroom mirror reminding me that I’m beautiful.  He has placed notes on my pillow so when I turn the covers back to slip into bed I will find it.  I have also found little notes on the seat of my car as well.  All of these notes are appreciated and mean so much.  He didn’t have to do these things for me, yet he took time out of his day to write these little reminders to me.

Oh the power of a note!

If you’re not sure of what to say, just a simple “I love you” will work!  It ALWAYS works, especially if the person feels your love by your actions and not just lip service!  Or like Shania Twain’s song, “You’re Still The One” … imagine the impact that would have!  After all of these years, you’re still the one I love!

It doesn’t have to be a long, drawn out note where you pour out the content of your heart (although that is always appreciated, too), you can just keep it simple to remind them of your love for them.  It will put a smile on their face and warm their heart!

Join us tomorrow for … Giving Each Other Space. 

Buy the book on Amazon: When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection

Previously in this series:

Introduction:  A New Journey

Day One:  Enjoying The Journey

Day Two:  Leaving Self On The Shelf

Day Three:  From Tense To Tender

Day Four:  Praising The Positive