Light, Love, Hope

God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:19

Cindi and Hugh talk about how it has been said that most arguments that married couples have are either about raising children, sex, or money.  It is extremely sad when money gets in the way of things in a marriage.

When I saw the name of this chapter before reading anything in it, my thoughts immediately went to the saying that is displayed on our money.  In God We Trust.  What I found interesting is that Cindi and Hugh also made a reference to this within the words of this chapter asking DO WE trust God?  We should because God is always faithful and true.

A lot of their focus in this chapter was about giving tithes, giving a portion of your income (usually 10%) back to God in the way of paying tithes to the church.  They talked about how you give and then are trusting that God will give it back to you!  If you don’t have a church home, though, how do you give?  Well, it is up to the individual, but you could give back in some way by making a donation to a well known charity of your choice.  Or, my personal favorite, what about giving to a family that you know is in need?  It is still giving – if you can – to help someone else.  There will be a ton of differing opinions on how to spend your money and arguments on how this was mandated in the Old Testament that we are to obey and give back to God what He has so richly blessed us with … and in doing so, He will continue to bless us and meet our every need.  There was a time in my life, though, where I could not give money.  Hear me out before casting judgment upon me.  Allow me to explain.

I depended on every dime of my money to support myself and my daughter.  I did not have a church home at that point in time because I was going through a divorce and was therefore snubbed by people within the church that I was attending.  So, I stopped going.  I did not turn my back on God, though, and thankfully He did not turn His back on me either!  Just because I did not have a church “home” at that point to give to did not mean that God was not walking with me every step of the way, often times carrying me through that horrible ordeal.  I know He was with me, and while I would have liked to have given 10%, I knew that if I did, my daughter would not eat as I would not have money to feed her.  Did I trust God, yes!  Very much!  I was clinging to him at that time.  But I had to use my head, too.  The church that snubbed their noses at me did not need my money as badly as my daughter needed it at that time.  I focused my attention on her and providing for her the best way I could as a struggling single mother.  I was in this role for approximately five years before remarrying.  At that time, I was blessed with two incomes again, and I was able to start giving back.  When we found a new church home, I did give tithes until trouble started brewing in that church.  Pretty soon, we pulled out because of what was going on there, and we were without a church home again.  Yet, God continued to bless us, and we are thankful for that so much so that we began blessings others that were in need and giving to charities as we felt lead to do so.   My new husband and I talked about money before we ever did anything like this, though, as we wanted to be sure that the other was on the same page before we did.  This has worked for us.

I firmly believe that God will provide … I’m living proof that He did in my situation.  I did not have a whole lot of money at all after paying for our basic needs (roof over our heads, food on our table), but I was happy because God made sure that I had enough money to take care of my daughter.  That is all that mattered to me.  Whether I skated through the month with only $5 to my name after all was said and done … I was still happy as my daughter was in a nice warm house with a satisfied tummy.  Life was good, yes … even though we struggled.  Why?  Because we were together.  God provided for us.  He always has, and He always will.

There was a time in my marriage recently where I was not sure what was going to happen as my husband took a little separation period from me when he was dealing with a lot of things from his past that had just come to the surface.  I was hurt that he left and shattered the image of our picture perfect life together.  I hurt more for my children who were unsure of their future at that point since he was the bread winner.  We made a decision together two years ago to quit a job that was incredibly stressful, and I went to work part time at a company that I worked for years ago.  It was such a blessing to go back to a job where there was zero stress!  While I welcomed this, I did become frightened when he left recently as I knew that I could not support us on a part time income.  I trusted God to provide, though, and I knew that while I did not want to go back to scraping by like I had done before with my oldest daughter … I knew it could be done as God would not leave me, especially not in my time of need.  I had already been through something similar in years past, and while I did not relish the thought of going back there … I knew that if I was forced to that God would take care of us.  As it turned out, my husband has returned home and is working on his issues from the past.  We are hopeful that we can get back on track and that our marriage will be stronger than ever before after we get through this rough patch.  I know God is already working within our marriage.  I trust and have faith in God for He knows the plans He has for me … and they are plans to give me a hope and a future.  I cling to Jeremiah 29:11.

Join us tomorrow for … Simple Acts of Love

For all previous posts in this series, click here.

Buy the book on Amazon: When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection

A man finds joy in giving an apt reply — and how good is a timely word!

Proverbs 15:23

Are you prepared to offer your spouse what they need?  At the end of a very stressful day, some may desire “talk more, touch more” as they need to talk things out and have your reassuring touch to comfort them.  Others may need “listen more, understand more” as they just do not have it in them to rehash the things that happened during the day.  They just need you to listen to what they do say, even if it’s only “I’ve had a bad day and don’t feel like talking” followed by your understanding of this.

Hugh spoke in this chapter about how he actually has a strip of paper in his car on the console that says “Talk more, touch more” to remind him to do these two things for his wife, Cindi, when he returns home at the end of the work day.  Whatever it takes, right?  Just make sure that you do the things that you know your spouse needs or desires, and you’re sure to score major points with them.

Maybe the above mentioned slogans are not what you and your spouse need, but instead, maybe it is a reminder that you are on the same team when a disagreement comes up.  IF so, write that out … “We are on the same team!”   Just think of something that applies to you and your spouse, and tape a reminder some where that you’re sure to see it each and every day so you can focus on the needs of your spouse when you are together.

If you have ever read “The Five Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman, you will be able to pinpoint exactly what your spouse’s love languages are.  Then, focus on those things to fill up their love bank!

Hugh and Cindi have prayers at the end of each and every chapter.  They apply what they have taught in that chapter to the prayer that each of us can pray over our spouses and our marriages.  But, you don’t need to stop there with their prayer.  You can add to it, and we encourage you to do so.  You will feel such a connection to your spouse if you share prayer time together.

Join us tomorrow for … In God We Trust.

For all of the posts in this series, click here.

Buy the book on Amazon: When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection

Someone’s thoughts may be as deep as the ocean, but if you are smart, you will discover them.

Proverbs 20:5 CEV

In this chapter, Cindi and Hugh talk about going deeper by sharing their heart with each other.  You would think that this comes naturally with couples, but a lot of times you will find that people actually have to work at it.  There is a certain amount of vulnerability that comes with opening your heart and allowing your spouse inside.  But it is well worth it when you do.

Hugh talks about writing in his journal through the years.  It isn’t in any particular order, just thoughts that he’s had or things he feels he’s been given by God.  Even the most random things can go inside of that journal.  One day, he decided to share his journal with Cindi, and it left such an impression when he did.  She describes it by saying:

” … something in my heart skipped a beat and changed toward him.  I felt there was a room inside of his soul that he had unlocked and let me into.  And it was wonderful.”

Through the years, I have written poetry as a way to express myself.  My most favorite poems were those that spoke of love.  One of my dear friends took all of those poems I had written and made a hard bound book for me which I still have and treasure to this day.  (Thank you, Gregory C. Johnson!)  This book of poetry has touched many different people’s hearts since he gave me this wonderful gift many years ago.  My husband has gotten a chance to pick up this book and read through, feeling touched with every poem that he has read.  Why?  Because there is a piece of me in every single poem.  It’s my heart overflowing onto the pages of that book, reaching out and up to touch the heart of the one reading it.  This book has not only allowed my husband to see inside of the secret chambers of my heart, but my children have read through this book of poetry as well.  My poems range from romantic love poems, to poetry about when my children were born and as they were growing up, to the tragic loss of my sister, and on to poems I have written about my parents also.  Each one is now preserved in this hard bound book with beautiful roses on the cover.

While my husband doesn’t write poetry, he will take a piece of paper and just start jotting down notes.  One day we were cleaning out his work truck, and there were all these notes written down where he was sorting through some things that were bothering him.  Reading those notes allowed me to see into his heart and to see things from his point of view (which is hard to do if it’s regarding the two of you or things between you in your marriage).  It was an eye opener.  Some of the sweetest things have been found on random pieces of paper that he’s gotten out and just started pouring his heart out.

He has a man cave, i.e. his shop, where he has all of his equipment, along with the 69 Camaro, stored.  I have always known that there were a few file folders in the cabinet in the far corner of the shop, but I never looked to see what it contained until about a month ago.  We were both out there together cleaning the shop when I reached in to see what, exactly, was in there.  Low and behold, there were notes he had written to me – some he never gave to me either – back in the late 1990s and early 2000s.  I sat with that file folder in my lap reading through his words and feeling so many different types of emotions flowing through me.  He cared enough to write it all down, even when he chased me for two years and I had very little to do with him.  I had gone through a horrible divorce, and I was not the least bit interested in a romantic relationship with anyone at that point.  He would not give up, though, and he continued to pursue me … for two years!  So, these notes that were in that cabinet were his thoughts during that time period as well.

What finally got me to consider giving him a chance after the two years that he chased me?  He asked me to listen to a song by the Goo Goo Dolls entitled Iris.  I was not the least bit concerned about this song.  Almost in desperation, he begged:

Please … listen to the song because it’s how I feel about you.

And so, I listened …

And I’d give up forever to touch you
‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t wanna go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
When sooner or later it’s over
I just don’t wanna miss you tonight

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you’re alive

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

… and then it hit me.   With the words of the song ringing in my ear, I knew that I hadn’t given him a fair chance.  He just wanted me to know who he was … to get to know him … and yet, I hadn’t.  It was at that point that I decided to tear down the walls that I had built around my heart and let him in so that I could get to know who he was.

While it can be scary when you’re allowing yourself to be vulnerable with your mate, sharing your heart will form a deeper connection.  Tear those walls down and let your spouse inside the depths of your heart.

We hope you’ll join us tomorrow for …Talk More, Touch More.

For all of the previous posts in this series, click here.

Buy the book on Amazon: When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection