Strangers
Yesterday I ran into someone from my past. It should have been a wonderful reunion, and yet, it was awkward. It saddened me greatly to think of what could have been, what should have been, and yet what currently … is.
What hurts is that this person has been kept from us the majority of her life. The individual that I speak of is my sister’s daughter. My niece. If you’ve visited with us before, you know that we lost my sister 13 years ago to suicide. She took her own life two weeks after having her daughter. We were devastated by my sister’s passing. Then we were further devastated when her only child was taken from us. We were not allowed access to her because my sister’s husband decided that his parents should be the caregivers of their daughter. We were only allowed a few short weekends with her, and she was taken from us again. This broke our hearts completely. Then after several more years passed, they wanted to allow us into this little girl’s life once more. We did everything we could to be there for this little girl, and yet again, she was taken from us. I don’t know if they felt threatened or what exactly went through their minds at that point for them to take her away from us again. That is exactly what they did, though. This time, however, I did not react the same way that I had in years past. I did not chase after them, nor did I beg for them to allow us to see my sister’s daughter. I prayed, I cried, I fell on my face before Jesus, and yet it still did not change the situation we were all in. I had to deal with not only losing my sister but her daughter as well. That is the sad reality of the situation. Although my niece is still here on this earth, we are not allowed access to her … so we have lost her, too.
A year or so ago, my daughter found my niece on Facebook. We all sent a friend request, and much to our surprise, it was accepted. However, if I would send her a message or write on her wall, it would be ignored so I finally stopped trying. She would only respond to my oldest daughter, then she stopped with that as well.
Yesterday we were in the store when she came over to my daughter and slapped her on her arm. My daughter turned around and was excited to see her … yet there was this awkwardness that lingered. My daughter quickly came down the aisle saying, “Look who I found …” and upon seeing her, my eyes lit up and a smile spread wide across my lips as I said, “Hey there, darling … ” only to be greeted with steel cold eyes and not a single expression on this little girl’s face. None. I stood cemented in my place as the reality slammed into me. I … don’t … know … her … anymore. We’re strangers.
My daughter tried to say a few words, and I tried once more asking if she was there alone or with someone. Her response was still cold as ice as she said, “I’m here with the old man.” She meant the grandfather that had instigated her isolation from our family. I just stood there again, only this time, feeling my heart almost leaving my chest the same as it did on occasions in the past when she was slipping from me. The reality is, she’s already gone. She is a stranger to me now … and although I have tried to be involved in her life all of those years – 13 years of trying – the harsh reality is that I’m NOT a part of her life … and probably never will be.
It’s sad thinking of how it COULD be … how it SHOULD be … how it WOULD be if only my sister had reached out to someone, anyone that hot July day and let us help her through what she was feeling. I imagine that our lives would be so much different … if only …
It breaks my heart … and yet all I can do is turn to God once more for comfort and for Him to restore peace.
And … He will.
Let Him In
You softly speak trying to hide the tears; yet they run like a waterfall through your words. You feel lost. You feel alone. You feel bound to a fate that locks you within a cage with no hope of escape. No matter how much you smile for the outside world, I can feel the true sadness within your heart.
As I sit and listen as you pour out your heart and soul my heart dies a little with each and every word. I cannot begin to know first-hand the pain you are feeling; but I feel a deep sadness within myself knowing that you are going through this difficult time. I want to reach out to you and take away all the hurt, the sadness, the pain; yet I cannot. I can only give you an ear that listens and a heart that longs to help bring you happiness.
It is not only I that feels your pain, he does too. He is there in your heart feeling all that you feel; knowing all the hurt that wraps around you. He is there to comfort you if you let him in. He is there for you at all times when others cannot be. He grieves with you and he will comfort you. He loves you. Let him in.
Light Love Hope Giveaway Winners
We recently held a giveaway in honor and celebration of our one year blog anniversary. We were giving away five copies of Jim Brickman’s Greatest Hits CD. Jim’s music has blessed my heart and soul through the years, and we hope the winners will enjoy his music as much as we do.
Before I announce the winner, I would like to express my sincere thanks and appreciation to Gregory C. Johnson, the man behind all of the technical aspects here at Light Love Hope AND our writer for the We Care Wednesdays series. Greg has been a close friend of the family for 17 years (at the time of this writing). His love and friendship for my entire family has been an ever present force that has seen us through some very trying times in our lives. Greg has been through a whole lot in his life, and yet he still puts others first. He never hesitates to give of himself and do things to brighten someone else’s day. If there was only ONE face to put with the random acts of kindness, HIS should be the one that you’d find if you looked that phrase up on the internet.
Greg has provided Light Love Hope as an outlet for me, and I use it as my form of therapy at times writing out the words that are in my heart and soul. Our family has struggled after the loss of my sister to suicide 13 years ago. I used to write poetry and found a great deal of enjoyment in that, yet I lost my desire to write at all after losing my sister and best friend on that hot July day. Greg has provided this site to encourage me to write again and to help heal my broken heart by reaching out to others that may be in need to share Light, Love, and Hope with them.
As if all of that wasn’t enough, Greg has gone above and beyond again by purchasing the Jim Brickman CDs for our giveaway. Greg is the one that introduced me to Jim Brickman’s beautiful piano music years ago, and he provides tickets to see Jim in concert every December. This has become a family tradition, and we have been blessed to spend the past few “On A Cold Winter’s Night” concert tours with Greg when he has visited with our family around the holidays. We are looking forward to doing this again at the beginning of December with him as part of our family.
~drum roll, please~
THE WINNERS ARE:
Aimee Ramos Fauci
Alli Rutherford Smith
Rose Powlel
Theresa (no last name provided)
Shirley Cumbie Wood
CONGRATULATIONS, LADIES!!!
It is with great joy and excitement that we celebrate with you all. Email notifications have been sent to our lucky winners, and they will be receiving their Jim Brickman CDs shortly!
Thank you to everyone that entered! We will have more opportunities to come to enter future giveaways. We are so happy to have you as part of Light Love Hope’s family of readers.
Thank you to Gregory C. Johnson for gifting the CDs for our giveaway and for all that he does for me, personally, my family, and Light Love Hope!
Blessings to you all,
Shirley
