A Calm State of Panic
I imagine on some level we all experience this same feeling at some time in our lives; a calm state of panic. We try to be still and to let be and let God and be open to whatever may next greet us on this trail of life. Instead we feel ourselves set adrift on the seas of life with land in sight but no clear sailing as yet to shore. It is during these times that we hope for the best while remaining mindful that things may not have the outcome we pray for so deeply. When in a Calm State of Panic, I think it’s possible that you – the reader – like me, are hanging on emotionally for dear life hoping that nothing tips the precious boat of life we have so carefully crafted. The boat we thought infallible. The boat we built on faith and trust and belief that there would certainly be rough waters along the way but not that we’d capsize – or come close to capsizing…multiple times. The boat all our hopes and dreams rest in. I don’t know about you but I’m tired of the hurricanes and floods; I’d prefer small swells to overcome, thank you!
I try to remember that when I feel set adrift yet again, perhaps lost at sea for a bit, the way home may involve a rough entrance through the waves rushing to the shore before you can disembark and move on. Sometimes the waves are mighty and huge and very intimidating depositing you somewhere you’d never intended to be; perhaps feeling as if one must pick up the pieces, start over and make a life from this point forward. Sometimes under the calm waves lurks a sneaky and hazardous riptide ready to pull you back out to sea, back into the turmoil, the uncertainty. Sometimes you get extremely lucky and the waves are calm and prove to be nothing more than a momentary bit of drama made big only in our heads or a tide so even and calm that one glides to shore. What matters in those moments as you ride to shore is to hold dear the gratitude felt knowing our craft is built with might on our hopes and prayers and dreams and that it is the sturdy craft that survives to shore, no matter what the conditions. It is with strong, unmovable hope and faith that we hold on to our dreams and with prayer that the boat stays together, weather’s all storms, holds us together in love and belief that we will not be abandoned this time around either. It is the knowingness that during the time between leaving the clear ocean and finding abrupt shore that one has no control; there is a greater influence at work and “it” is in charge, not you. It is clear to me that this is the moment when one must enter a Calm State of Panic hoping and praying you arrive safely on shore once again but being aware that it’s a process to get to where one wants to be. There must be trust that the ocean will behave as you hope and pray it will, that no rocks or shoals are found as you head for the comfort and safety and knowingness of land. That the thing that is Greater Than You will guide you and those you love to peace and serenity and comfort and joy.
When our only choice is to let go, we must let go and let be – that is if you don’t want to drive yourself nuts with worry and anxiety over “what could be”. It is now that we must be observant and change course if necessary, to allow the panic but see that it is but a small part of our overall belief that all is well and we are each in the place we are meant to be. Perhaps the ride in will teach us new lessons this time around, who knows? My hope today is that I am open to “what will be” as I have no ability to control outcomes during the ride to land or emotional safety. The sometimes rocky ride to shore we take requires us to be patient, to believe what we see and hear but not buy into the insecurity of the blind and faithless. We must trust that with God’s guidance, the wave ridden to peace will take us not only where we desire to be but where we are meant to be. I want to be one of the mighty and courageous who fight their way to land each and every time and never gives up or flounders at sea. Our only true choice is to live with an open heart, to believe in possibility and trust that whatever the journey, it is the right direction for us and Creator would not lead us where we were not supposed to be at that time.
I don’t know about you but I am tired, extremely, bone-deep-tired of finding my boat put out to sea, waiting and watching to see what tide, what type of tide, will bring me in this time around. Are those storm clouds in the distance or is it my mind playing tricks on me; false evidence appearing real? For me the hard part comes in trusting my instincts while having patience and faith as my craft arrives on shore riding the waves of life along the way. Being tired does not stop the ride; it only makes one dig deeper to find the spark of “I can” that exists in each of us. “This shall not defeat me!” It could be difficult to look back at my boat’s Captain’s Logs and see the long list of past events which have made many arrivals on shore surely not the most easily traversed or the arrival a sure guarantee; it could lead to great discouragement on future attempts. Will I dodge another rough entry or will this landing be a “batten down the hatches” memory – or will I have imagined the worst only to experience a peaceful, enjoyable ride in? It is in my Calm State of Panic that I drop anchor out at sea and determine weather conditions and how I will remove the gap that leaves me emotionally stranded at sea while seeing so clearly the beautiful beach and shore that awaits me. During this time I must “read” the waves and watch the ebb and flow of water/life before I make my ultimate return to land where the panic will subside and I will know where I am, how I am to proceed and to get on with the business of living a full life. I only need be patient and lead with the faith of a child to allow God to do His work in my life and to trust that His work is healing work, loving work – He will see that my preciously-built craft holds together in whatever the conditions may be to the shore and that faith and belief and love will triumph once again! We do not always know exactly where we will land; it’s more of an “I’m aiming here…” (pointing to a general location on a map) situation but where we land is determined by Creator and our next task is to repair and store our vessel for the next ride and be grateful for the gift of solid footing while it lasts. There is but one guarantee; there is no controlling Mother Earth or the weather or even when God and the angels decide to have a romping, roaring time bowling in heaven and it is the fool’s task to make such an attempt.
I have come to learn that the ride in may be rough but with faith and courage, I will walk in the sand on the shore admiring a quiet sunrise or sunset knowing that I – and my place in the world – are secure once again. “Just believe,” are the words ringing in my head and heart at this time! Today I have achieved a cautious Calm (yet aware) State of Panic. I am holding fast to reality in that the weather conditions have not yet been determined for this passage to shore but that once given the weather conditions, I can survive whatever storm or pounding wave that wants to toss me overboard and leave me rolling in the surf. My craft is strong and held together with the love of God and He will see that I stay secure in my sturdy boat of faith and love. I rest in the knowledge that I will come out stronger and wiser with a deeper respect and stronger belief in He That Can, and Will, if I step out of the way and let Him do His work in my life. I cannot fight the weather if I don’t know what weather to fight. My role is to pay attention to the signals around me, to listen when Spirit wants to show me the way; to not reject the direction given me simply because it is the more difficult journey. Patience; God will bring the necessary knowledge in His time; I will not be left to float aimlessly about in doubt but will sail with direction in faith that I am rowing with the movement of the water and not against the tide of life.
Remember, your boat is capable and built of courage and faith and belief and all the things we need to achieve our goals. Your craft is strong and will weather the storms of life – you will know and grow strong and courageous in the love and belief that comes from having stood tall and unafraid of “what may be” because you live in the blessed understanding of knowing “Who Is”. God does not intend you to doubt. He intends you to have full faith and to believe no matter what the conditions that currently surround you may be, you will get through, you will ride the swells, big and small, and comfort and safety and love will find your heart and bring peace upon it again.
You will get there – your craft is strong.
“When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly.”
Patrick Overton
Is Heaven for Real?
I just finished reading the book “Heaven is for Real.” I watched the movie made from the book as well. This book was given to me quite some time ago but in all honesty I was afraid to read it. Why? I knew that I would have a very hard time getting through the book because of experiences I have been through in life.
The book is about a four year old boy who is placed into a life threatening situation because of a burst appendix. His survives his brush with death and begins to tell his parents that he visited heaven while on the operating table. I won’t go into any more details as I highly recommend you read the book or see the movie.
As I said it was hard for me to get through this book. Ten years ago, on a day in July, I spent the afternoon holding my mother’s hand during her last hours on earth. This first of August will mark a year since my little sister passed away. Yet those aren’t the only reasons this book had such an effect on me. I can, in a small way, relate to what this boy experienced.
Let me first say that no, I have not visited heaven. At least I don’t think I did. Actually, I really don’t know what happened. I have a heart condition. Some time ago, my heart went out of rhythm and it would not go back on its own. I spent three days in the hospital hooked up to monitors and being fed drugs that were supposed to make the chambers of my heart work in a normal rhythm again. The cardiologist explained that a condition like this, as acute as it was for me, had to be rectified within 72 hours or there was a chance I was suffer permanent damage to the heart muscle and possibly even death. If the drugs did not “flip” the heart back into rhythm, they would have to stop my heart for fifteen to twenty seconds then resuscitate me with a defibrillator. I would be given a “cocktail” of drugs that would put me to sleep and stop my heart; essentially I would be placed in a state close to death. I was told I would not feel or remember anything. Well that didn’t happen.
For some reason, I have a resistance to anesthesia. I have woken up during surgery before (but that is another story). They gave me the shot to put me under. The next thing I remember is being in a place that was all white. I can’t say I was floating as it didn’t feel that way. I felt a more at peace than I have ever felt before. I can’t explain it any other way. It felt wonderful. I remember thinking I didn’t want this to end. Then I began to see these colors passing by and all of a sudden I was awake. I opened my eyes to see the nurse standing over me and I blurted out; “That was cool!” I explained what I had just experienced and she just looked at me like I was out of my mind. I haven’t told many people about this as I figure most people would have the same reaction as the nurse did that afternoon.
Is heaven for real? Since this experience, I truly believe heaven exists. This belief, or faith as some may call it, has gotten me through the experience of watching my mother slowly slide away before my eyes and the shock of my sisters passing. I miss them terribly but I know they are with God and their suffering is over. I am not an outwardly religious person. I keep that between God and myself; at least until now.
The book is “Heaven is for Real” by Todd Burpo. I highly recommend it if you haven’t read it already.
Choosing Gratitude
Many months ago, I purchased a book entitled “Choosing Gratitude ~Your Journey To Joy.” That book has sat below my coffee table in my living room just waiting for me to fling open the cover and dive in, to allow the message to soak into my being and bring about a greater awareness of how we all need to have more gratitude in our lives.
I have tried to be more intentional and purposeful in my way of thinking. Likewise, I have tried to be careful of the words I allow to come out of my mouth. If I begin to think negative thoughts, I try to stop myself and redirect my thinking to something more positive. Is this always easy? NO! It’s not, especially if you are going through a very difficult time in your life. When you’re struggling, that is when you need to find gratitude and joy even more so than ever before. That is the hard part. How can you find gratitude and joy in the mist of a storm? Well, I’m here to tell you that as bad as it may be, it could always be worse. Count your blessings and consider yourself so incredibly blessed because you do not own all of the problems in the world! Yes, you may have it bad, but there is someone out there that has it worse. I’m not trying to minimize your pain or your suffering. I’m not trying to say that what you’re going through isn’t important because it IS! What I’m trying to get my readers and myself to realize is that there is always something to be thankful for.
Immediately upon picking up this book and reading the Foreword, I had a new found appreciation for the author of this book. When I purchased this book I did not know that Author Nancy Leigh DeMoss had been in a wheelchair the majority of her life. If she can be grateful for her quadriplegia (as she states in the Foreword), what in the world is our problem? We have it so good, and yet we complain so much! This lady has to have people do everything for her; help into and out of bed, getting her dressed, brushing her hair, brushing her teeth, blowing her nose, etc. And yet, she finds beauty in ashes. She finds something good to smile about and offer praises to God above with a grateful heart.
We are so blessed, ladies and gentlemen! We truly are! And what do we do with the gifts we have been given? Life is not all doom and gloom, but yet the majority of our time is spent focusing on negative thoughts. We vent to others, and instead of it making us feel better, we feel worse by having re-lived those moments and things that pained us right when it happened. Now we walk around in a bad frame of mind with the corner of our mouths pulled downward in a frown with our foreheads wrinkled because we’re mad at the world. At that moment especially, search your heart for the good – because there is always good – search your heart for something that you can be thankful for – because there is always something to be thankful for. Look up to Heaven and thank God that as bad as it seems right now, it’s not any worse! Thank Him for the plan He has for your life because He assures us in His word that He does not have plans to harm us but to give us hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11 is one of my favorite bible verses and is the “hope” part of our name: Light Love Hope).
The below poem was within the first few pages of the book, even before the Foreword. Read it and allow it to speak to you:
Gratefulnesse
Thou that has given so much to me,
Give me one thing more — a grateful heart …
… I cry, and cry again:
And in a quiet canst Thou be,
Till I a thankful heart obtain
Of thee.
Not thankful when it pleases me,
As if Thy blessings had spare days;
But such a heart, whose pulse may be
Thy praise.
~George Herbert (1593 – 1633)
There’s a beautiful flower on the front cover of her book. She’s unable to plant a garden or even walk through a meadow filled with wildflowers. Yet, I can imagine that she still appreciates the beauty of the flowers and the Creator of all things. So then should we!
Will you take this journey with me? Will you join me in being more intentional on choosing gratitude on our journey to finding joy?
