Light, Love, Hope

What is the key that will unlock the door of your heart?   For me, it’s communication.  There are many other keys to different chambers inside of my heart, but ultimately, communication is the key to the master lock.   Many couples are struggling today because although they possess the key to this master lock, they refuse to use it.   Then they wonder why trouble seems to run rampant in their relationships and marriages.

They may run to talk to their parents, in-laws, cousins, friends, and even co-workers at times.  They may yell, scream, and even curse thinking that counts as communication when all that does is cause the dead bolt to slam shut and the chain to immediately go up on the door in addition to the master lock being locked as tight as it can get.  No one will be allowed inside of my heart when yelling, screaming, and cursing occurs.   Ever.

They may even seek the help of a pastor or someone on the church board.   Finally, they may seek professional help from a counselor.  All of that means nothing, though, if they refuse to calmly discuss things with the one they are in a relationship with or whom they are married to!   Nothing will get solved by talking to everyone else BUT the person that is IN the relationship or marriage.

At times we’re told not to nurse it or rehearse it … with “it” being the offense.   What this means to me is simply not to nurse the wound, not to make yourself out to be the victim in the situation, and not to keep going over it again and again and again in an effort to find fault.  Be man or woman enough to look yourself in the mirror and admit where you’ve fallen short, where you’ve gone wrong.  Accept responsibility for your actions instead of always trying to lay the blame at someone else’s feet.

Recently I have witnessed a situation in my own life where a person concocted a plan.  It wasn’t a Godly plan at all, yet they set about scheming and planning, plotting this entire thing out of what was “allowed” or what was even “permissible.”   When they were told to be careful of what they were suggesting and planning, that warning was not heeded but was, instead, dismissed.   They went forth with their plan, and then they seemed surprised when things crumbled around them when it didn’t go as they had thought it would the entire time leading up to it or even after.  Then, what did they do?  Did they own up to their part in this right away and say how very wrong they were?  No, instead, they played the victim role, and very well, too, I might add.   They spun absolutely out of control blaming every one and every thing, trying to talk to every one to tell “their” side.  There were pieces of the puzzle that was missing from “their” side of the story, though.  Huge pieces.  Large chunks of the puzzle pieces were missing.  There was no way to fit the pieces of the puzzle together.   Then they refused to understand or see why their spouse was enraged to find out that they had involved family and friends without telling the full story.  They told only what they wanted to tell.

THEN …

They sought professional help.  This is wonderful.   It’s a very brave step to take.  It’s a much needed step in an effort to “fix” themselves and the situation they, alone, have landed themselves in.

There’s still something missing in all of this.  What could that be?  This person would talk to EVERY one about the problem but would NOT speak to their spouse.  They shut them completely out and then wondered why their spouse didn’t welcome them with open arms every time they came back around.   Too much damage had already been done by refusing to speak to the ONE person that they truly needed to talk to:  their spouse!   instead of speaking rationally to them about the situation, they would get upset, rant, rave, curse, fuss, and then … leave.  Ultimately, they’d resort to leaving.   With the spouse standing in the middle of the yard calling out after them, they turned a deaf ear and refused to look her into the eyes while they walked away as fast as they could to their truck to make a fast getaway because they simply refused to do the one thing that would have made all of the difference in the world:  communicate!

Did the spouse give up?  No … she tried several times.  She tried four days in a row, actually.   She didn’t harp on him to the point that his only choice was to leave … not at all.  She tried to give him space, yet there was a pressing issue that they needed to discuss.  You can’t ignore the elephant in the room any more.  When it reaches this point, there is no ignoring the situation at hand.  There is no more sweeping it under the rug as there is already a huge pile under it that everyone keeps tripping on as they try to tip toe around the large elephant that’s there, too!

What is the point in this entire post today?   If you have someone in your life that you love … whether it’s a spouse, a girlfriend, boyfriend, fiance or even a friend … don’t take them for granted!  Don’t take a huge situation and turn to every one else except for the person that you NEED to be talking to!  Don’t clam up and refuse to talk or get mad and leave … every … single … time!   That’s the coward way.  At the first sign of trouble, run.  NO!   While I can understand needing to take a time-out, agree to come back at an appointed time to discuss the matter when both parties have calmed down some and are in a better frame of mind so they can actually hear each other and not sit thinking the entire time of what their response will be to what the person just said.   The thing is … this situation spiraled out of control, and despite the many attempts to talk, he would not talk to her.   Instead, he’d leave to come back when he darn well felt like it.   In other words, he abandoned her when she needed him the most.   There is emotional abuse, neglect, and yes, abandonment.

Communication is key, people.  It truly is.