Light, Love, Hope

My 17 year old daughter and I attended a ladies only event called Live Out Loud on March 8, 2014.   How fitting that this date was also the International Women’s Day, too!

The Live Out Loud Conference was held last year in the same location in Elloree, SC.  While it was certainly close enough and I wanted to go, I was hesitant about this thing called community.  I know that as women, we crave community.  We just want to fit in, be loved, and love!   Some times, though, it isn’t that easy.  Often times we feel judged by the very same women that we so desperately want to be in community with!   My daughter, even at such a young age, has felt this way also.  We would like nothing more than to become friends with these women, yet we’re hesitant due to things in our past, rejection we’ve felt at one time or another at the hands of fellow women that still haunts us, and so we retreat to our safe place, our comfort zone and don’t put ourselves out there.   Honestly, I allowed that to hold me back last year.  However, I have grown so much in a year’s time with God’s help that it simply was NOT holding me back this year!  No way, no how!  This year instead of feeling like I needed to protect myself from others, I was craving coming together and forming friendships.  There’s always a risk involved, but it is worth it when long lasting friendships come out of it.

It was monumental for me to attend this event with my daughter as it was an opportunity for further bonding as she matures into adulthood a lot sooner than I was prepared for! (Ladies, it is true that they grow up WAY TOO FAST! Enjoy every single moment as they do not stay little long!)   Last night my daughter turned to me and said, “Mama, I’m really looking forward to our special day together.  I can’t wait for tomorrow to spend some quality time together just the two of us.”  That melted my heart completely when she said that!   Pay attention, ladies and gentlemen!  This … from a teenager!  To … her mother!   I know what you’re thinking, “Will miracles never cease?”

Throughout my daughter’s childhood, I have always had the desire to be not only her mother but ultimately, as she grew into a woman, her friend.  I had a lot of well meaning people through the years tell me that you simply cannot be your child’s friend.  They said it wasn’t possible.  Well, I beg to differ.  While my daughter knows the rules (and thankfully abides by them for the most part), she also knows without a doubt that she can come to me with any thing and every thing.   This trust, this bond, this friendship has been formed and shaped over time.  Over all of her 17 years, it has been my ultimate goal that we would end up as the very best of friends with her knowing with full confidence and faith that I would be there and “have her back” no matter what.  Oh, I have heard plenty of horror stories about how you don’t even know your child once they become a teenager, as if they turn into some sort of alien being that took up residence in your home.   While they do change, it’s important to realize that they are on a journey to their independence and finding their own identity in this world.    As parents, we are to raise them up in the way that they should go, praying for them, for their future, and for them to make wise choices.  Then we have to allow our children to grow, mature, and spread their wings and fly hoping that what we taught them along the way won’t soon be forgotten.

I’ve had people talk to me on the whole subject of “letting go” of your child, too, as they draw nearer to graduation and emerging as an adult out in the “real world.”  Just recently a friend insisted that I was going to “have” to let go at some point.  However, I refuse to “let go” as was suggested.   Instead, I intend to continue holding her hand firmly in mine as we skip merrily along while feeling the sunlight on our faces as we throw our heads back and laugh just like we did when she was little.  And you know what?  On our silly days, my daughter and I still do this.  Why?  Because it’s such fun!

Today was one of those hand in hand days where we really did throw our heads back laughing.   While we were not outside in the sunlight, nor were we alone just the two of us, we were sitting side by side in the church attending this women’s conference together with approximately 340 other attendees!

Honestly, I was worried that she would not enjoy this conference at all.  Having never been to one like this before, I wasn’t sure what to expect.  I glanced over at her a few times during the praise and worship portion, and she did not look enthused at all.   I wondered if she was just tolerating this for me.   At one point, though, they did a little skit and burst out into lip synching to “Oh Happy Day” where a woman in the choir loft was having the time of her life dancing.

After that, things settled down and got a bit more serious.   As they did, I reached over and grabbed my daughter’s hand.  We sat there like this for a while, and then Cindy McKeowen, one of the praise and worship leaders, began to share how her 15 year old daughter went out for a run one day in 2007, collapsed due to heart failure, and died.  They never even knew that she had any health issues at all up to that point.  My daughter and I were still sitting there holding hands, and as silent tears began to fill my eyes I thanked God for the privilege of sitting here at that very moment with my teenager daughter.  This testimony from Ms. McKeowen also touched my daughter’s heart as well today.   She gripped my hand tighter as the lady continued to share her story.   Even in the mist of the storm, Ms. McKeowen said that Jesus carried her.  She wrote a song about it and shared that with the congregation.

Almost as soon as we were wiping our tears of sadness away, they were replaced with tears from laughing so hard at the former pastor’s wife turned comedian, Anita Renfroe!  Ms. Renfroe is known for the big ole belly laughs that she provides while on stage, and she definitely delivered today!   I no longer had to worry whether my daughter was enjoying herself or not as I began hearing what originally started out as stifled laughter become full laugh out loud moments as she allowed herself to enjoy right along with the rest of us!  Thank you, Lord!!  She really, truly was enjoying herself!   She wasn’t just putting on a fake smile to pretend for her ole Mom’s sake.  She was laughing so hard at Ms. Renfroe’s jokes and how she’d turn one of your most favorite songs into something that would have you almost rolling on the floor laughing!   Yes!!   Success!   What a relief!

As we were leaving the conference, my daughter turned to me and said, “You know, Mom, I thought this might be some stuffed shirt kind of conference, but this was pretty cool!   Thank you for our special day.  I wasn’t sure about this whole thing at first, but now I’m glad I went with you.  I really enjoyed our time together.”   Ah, such sweet words  from my best friend’s lips spoken to my heart.

We truly had a wonderful time together today.  Oh how I treasure this time because of the memories we made that will last a lifetime.

Recently, I witnessed my oldest daughter make a sacrifice for a friend.

My daughter was dating this guy for a little while, and during their time together, it was discovered that her friend had a crush on this guy long before my daughter started dating him. While in the end, things did not work out with my daughter and this guy, she had previously committed to going to prom with him. Being a woman of her word, she intended to fulfill this promise even though things were tense between them after their breakup.

I felt bad about the situation, too, in that his mom and I had become friends during their time together. Realistically, I knew that the friendship only formed due to our children being in a relationship together, and I knew full well that the friendship also hinged upon our children staying together. I had already braced myself for the fact that despite the woman saying that she would not be shaken no matter if our children remained in a relationship or not, I knew that the day would come when she and I would no longer be the best of friends. Despite what she said, I knew in my heart that this would not be a friendship that would stand the test of time. I knew going into this that it would be a friendship I would only have for a short period of time, and when they broke up, she would go about her merry little way forgetting all about the close bond that we had formed. Even going into this with my eyes wide open with full knowledge of this, I still thought it was worth investing time into her and into our friendship for the time we did have together. I believe in investing in people and in their hearts, and that is what I did.

My daughter realized, as prom was rapidly approaching, that her friend did not have a prom date. My daughter has a heart of pure gold, and she did what most would not have done. She reached out to the gentleman and politely suggested that since things were tense between them and since her friend did not have a date, maybe it would be best if he went to the prom with her friend instead. My daughter was seeking to turn this situation into a win/win for all involved. She knew her friend liked this young man. She knew that his family was close to her friend’s family. She knew that things would be tense if she went to prom with this young man after they had broken up, so she sacrificed her prom date for her friend. She wanted her friend to go with a date versus going alone. The only thing was now my daughter was without a date. My daughter did not care at that point in time because the only thing she wanted was to help her friend so that she would now be able to walk proudly into prom arm in arm with the gentleman that had actually been her secret crush in years past. Because of my daughter’s sacrifice, her friend would have her wishes and dreams come true by sharing this special moment, this event with the one she had been dreaming of for quite some time now.

I am extremely proud of my daughter for her sacrifice for a friend.

The guy immediately took my daughter up on this and quickly asked her friend to the prom as my daughter had suggested. It was working out perfectly. My daughter asked the friend the next day at school if anything happened the night before. The friend shyly responded, “Yes …” and my daughter very happily and excitedly shared that she had been the master mind behind this plan to give her friend her heart’s desire in going to the prom with this gentleman. Her friend quickly thanked her for doing this for her.

Meanwhile, my daughter was speaking with a young man as just a friend. I suggested that instead of my daughter going alone to prom that she, instead, ask this young man to prom just to see what might happen. Much to our delight, he accepted! We promptly called a place in town to get him fitted for his tuxedo just in time for prom! Things were working out beautifully!

Unfortunately, this story has a few bumps in the road before it ends with everyone living happily ever after.

My daughter and her new prom date went to eat at a nice restaurant in town prior to going to prom. Her ex boyfriend and her friend were at this restaurant, too, unfortunately. And, as a joke, apparently, the ex boyfriend thought it would be rather funny and cool to flip the windshield wipers around on the car that my daughter’s date was driving. Luckily my daughter and her date saw this and were able to fix the windshield wipers before it did any damage to his windshield. The thing here is that despite my daughter having a huge heart of gold and making this sacrifice for her friend, now these two individuals, her ex boyfriend and her friend, who were supposed to be good Christian people, committed an act so mean spirited and hateful. Her friend, a preacher’s daughter, and her ex boyfriend, a very active member of a church we attended previously along with his family, set out to do something that clearly was not honoring to God at all. This does not speak very highly of them for the prank that they pulled. However, I am once again very proud of how my daughter and her date handled this situation. When they pulled up at prom, they did not acknowledge the deed that had been done, although the ex boyfriend was outside laughing with others about it. My daughter and her date were determined not to allow this to ruin their evening. Instead, they went on into prom like nothing had ever happened. They danced, they smiled, and they enjoyed each other’s company completely. They actually looked like the happiest couple in their prom pictures, and I am one proud mother for how my daughter and this young man behaved even when something was done to them both with the intent to harm and upset them on this special evening. I am greatly disappointed in the ex boyfriend and the friend that participated in this act, though. I know that God saw it all, and He has made a record of it.

Just today we were informed that my so-called-friend, the boy’s mother, has been talking about us. That honestly does not surprise me in the least. It saddens me greatly for her to have stooped to such a low level, but I just pray for her and ask God to help her and her family. I can say that I honestly loved her completely and my friendship with her was not conditional. I did brace myself for the day when our friendship would end as I could see what would happen when their relationship ended. I still say it was worth the time I invested into this friendship. I pray for her and her family that they may find peace as we have in this situation. It is not pleasing to God to have hatred for another, nor is it pleasing to Him to have them speak harshly against my family or commit a spiteful act to harm another. I do not have any ill feelings toward them despite the latest that has come to light. Instead, I pray for them harder than I ever have before. I pray for them to find peace, as it is obvious that neither have it if the boy has harbored ill feelings and acted in a manner as he did this past weekend. It is obvious that she has ill feelings in her heart for us as well if she is speaking negatively of me, my daughter, and of our family in general. It is not for me to deal with, though, and so I do not. All I do is offer her, him, and their entire family to God in prayer. My love for them was genuine and true. And they will remain in my prayers.

I am honored to have a daughter that puts others first. She thought of her friend, alone without a prom date, and sacrificed so that her friend would not be alone on prom night. My daughter has a heart of pure gold and is beautiful inside and out. I’ve known it for quite some time, but she continues to prove it daily with the things she does for others.

For the negative things said about her, the ones that truly know my daughter know the truth … and they will not be swayed by mis-truths spoken by angry, vengeful hearts.

I thank God for my daughter’s sacrifice for her friend and only hope they appreciate this huge selfless act on her part.