Light, Love, Hope

Dear sweet baby girl,

You are very near and dear to my heart, little one.   Oh if you could only know the many times we cried out to God begging and pleading with Him to let us have another little baby.  Our hearts ached for a little bundle of joy to make our family complete.   We had little Brittney, and our hearts were filled with so much love that we were bursting at the seams and wanting to share this love with another little angel from above.   Having lost a baby and half of my chances of becoming a mother again after having a ruptured ectopic pregnancy followed by emergency surgery, I knew I was lucky to be alive although I was told I may not be able to have another baby after losing a tube when it ruptured.  I was beyond devastated, depressed and distraught at this point.  I begged God to please allow a little miracle to happen, please dear God bless me with another little one for my heart longed to cradle you in my arms, to shower you with so much love, to care for you, nurture you … oh the heart break we felt when being told that we may not be able to have another baby.   We held fast to God’s hand, shedding many tears along the way as I endured one painful procedure after another to increase my chances of conceiving.   After failed attempts, there was one procedure left that we were going to try before we folded and said okay, God … and then would begin praying for peace and acceptance of our current situation if it just was not in the cards for us to have another little baby.  Ah, but God was not finished yet, dear one.  Praise God, He was NOT finished yet.  God is still in the miracle making business, and He proved that to us, oh precious little angel from above, our gift from God Himself – you ARE our miracle!    After picking myself up off of the bathroom floor one day after a very painful procedure and just crying and calling out to God – after crying like I have never cried before, begging, and pleading with every thing in me, I can honestly say that God answered our prayer!   We were trying one more time to conceive after this procedure, and God came in riding on wings of love and answered our prayer – we were pregnant with you, sweet little miracle child!   We heard the news we had been longing for – we were having another baby!!!   Oh the joy that filled our hearts!   Then along came moments of fear as we had to be strictly monitored, precious one.  I was in and out of the doctor’s office so much being poked and prodded even more than before, but I welcomed it if it meant that I would hold my miracle baby in my arms – if it meant that you would be safe and sound, I would walk through fire, move Heaven and Earth, just to make sure that you were okay and protected.  And you know what?  You were … God wrapped His loving arms around you and shielded the pregnancy, shielded you in my womb, and I carried you nine glorious months living for the moment that I would finally hold you in my arms!   Oh when that day arrived, I did not care what I had to endure to bring you into this world, I just wanted you here with me, to look at you, to hold you, to love you, to have you next to me …

You came into this world on a sweltering September day, at 2:44 p.m. weighing in at 6 lbs. 3 oz.   I watched you in the mirror as you entered this world and was absolutely in awe of God knowing that He did this – He gave me my miracle baby!!    They placed you in my arms, and I had tears of pure joy streaming down my face.  The moment had finally arrived, and I was soaking in all of your beauty!  My miracle baby was finally here!!!  Your dad was so moved with emotion also as he watched you come into this world and take your very first breath.

Your sister was there to greet you moments after your birth.  Oh little Brittney was so proud, standing there with this huge smile on her face, just as precious as you, with her “I’m The Big Sister” shirt on.  What you should know is that Brittney also prayed for you, dear one.  Brittney actually asked me if I would give her a little sister.  I told her that we’d pray about it and ask God for this, and I believe God heard little Brittney’s prayer and answered them also!   He gave Brittney the little sister that her heart longed for.   You were an answer to many, many prayers, dear heart.

Both sets of your grandparents were there moments after your birth as well to soak in these happy times with us, to share in the miracle of your birth!

So much time has passed now, with lots of memories that we hold very near and dear to our hearts.   From all of your precious moments, being there to share all of the “firsts” with you – enjoying all of the sweet baby sounds that you’d make, taking your first step, saying “Mama” for the very first time … playing in your curly blonde hair and putting beautiful bows in your hair … oh my God wrapped you in His love and delivered you to us – there are no words to express how thankful we are for you and your sister – both miracle babies … both precious gifts from God above … both loved more than either of you can ever imagine in this lifetime or the next!  For all eternity!

Time has gone by so very fast as you’re nine years old now. Nine … it’s going way too fast!   I find myself holding on as tight as I can as you are slowly slipping from a toddler to a little blonde hair, blue eyed Princess bouncing around with those curls, oh those beautiful curls that you used to have before you made me brush them out as you tried to look more grown up … please, dear heart … precious miracle from God above, please stay little for just a little while longer … let me hold you in my arms, shower you with my love … both you and your sister are growing so fast, time has slipped away and whereas once it may have seemed like time was crawling by … now it seems like the hands of time are speeding around the clock as hours turn into days and days turn into years … and my babies are growing up …

As I’ve said to your sister many times before, and I know this won’t be the first time you’ve heard it, and you’ll probably hear it a million times more … but no matter how old you get, you will always – ALWAYS – be my baby!

I love you to the moon and stars!

Forever & Always,

~Mama~

My beautiful, beautiful girl … where has the time gone? It seems like just yesterday I was praying asking God to bless me with a sweet little bundle of joy. I prayed so hard for you. I asked God to please let me have a healthy little baby, my heart’s desire. Nothing else mattered in the world when I became a mother – only you, sweet baby girl. My heart soared with excitement when I found out I was pregnant, and I loved you from that moment on! I talked to you, read to you, sang to you – all before you were ever born. I was so proud to walk around holding my belly knowing that my precious little one was kicking and turning inside of me. I felt every ripple, every elbow, every foot under the rib, and I loved every single minute of it. I had this precious tiny little life growing inside of me – a precious gift that God above entrusted me with. My only purpose in life was to be the best mother I could possibly be for you.

The day of your arrival could not get here fast enough. I wanted so badly to hold you in my arms, to cradle you with my love. You came into this world so quietly, not a single peep out of you – my heart fell out of my chest with worry at that moment. It took a few minutes before you squeaked and grunted, but you did not cry. I begged to hold you, to have you near me. Tears streaming down my face as they finally laid you in my arms. I held you so close to me, and you looked up at me with your beautiful, perfect features. Your beautiful blue eyes sparkling back at me. You were absolutely perfect. Ten sweet little finger and ten sweet little toes … you had my heart before you were ever born, but that moment when I held you in my arms, I knew I would do anything and everything for you – I would die for you, I would lay down my life for you, dear one.

I did not want to let you out of my sight. They had to take you to the nursery to weigh you and clean you, but they could not bring you back quick enough for me. I was chomping at the bit waiting for my baby to return to my room. When they brought you back to me, I held you for hours, looking at your beautiful skin, my very own little miracle baby sent from Heaven above. God truly did give me my heart’s desire.

You were born on an extremely cold Winter’s night in January, at 10:26 p.m., weighing in at 5 lbs. 15 ½ ounces. We brought you home from the hospital where you were quiet for a few nights, and I did not sleep for I was up watching over you to make sure you were safe all through the night. On the third day, you decided to exercise your lungs good fashion, and as colic set in, you let us hear you quite a bit after that. My heart went out to you as your little tummy was hurting, and we tried going from breast milk to the best formula money could buy. We finally found the right combination, and you settled down after a few weeks and all was right in the world again.

I treasure each and every moment as your mother – I cherish the time I have had to witness your growth, from the miracle of feeling life inside of my tummy, to the tantrums, to the laughter, through the tears, the growing pains – life as your mother has been a perfect journey because I have been allowed the ultimate gift of being YOUR mother.

I enjoy reflecting back on the times we have had together – from the times you screamed at the top of your lungs, to the times you laughed until your little face turned red as you threw your head back and laughed so hard you almost didn’t have any more air in your lungs to make a sound, and yet more laughter would come from my beautiful blonde hair, blue eyed Princess. I remember having “silly time” and running down the hall with a tutu on our heads pretending we were all getting married – even Dusty participating in this event with his very own tu-tu with matching lipstick. You were there the day he proposed to me at the Battery in Charleston along the harbor. Your eyes lit up when you realized what he held in his hand, a sparkling ring, as he kneeled down in front of us to ask for my hand in marriage, and your approval, asking you to become his daughter as well. You were included in the wedding ceremony as my Maid of Honor. You wore a flowing white dress with matching shoes, and a bouquet of flowers that were beautiful in and of itself but could not compare to the beauty of the one holding it – that person being you, my dear Brittney. That day we became a family. You were not only with me on that very special day, but you were very much a part of the wedding ceremony and have been an important part of my life – you are the very reason that I have life in me to this day. You are and always have been my reason to live. My sole purpose in life is not to be a worker, an employee, a manager … not one of those things matter at all. My sole purpose in this life is to be your mother. You are my reason to live. You are the air I breathe.

You have grown so much through the years. From toddler giggles and playing dress up in my shoes and make up, to a gorgeous 16 year old beauty queen that is preparing for her high school ring ceremony, Junior/Senior prom; from discovering lipstick for the first time to your first date, from pronouncing words such as “slip-lie” and “frid-er-frader” to studying for your SAT and preparing for college! Where, oh where has the time gone? It has gone way too fast, this I know for sure.

As much as I wish I could still fit you in my lap, holding you tightly as I rock you and sing “Jesus Loves Me” and “You Are My Sunshine,” I know that you have to grow, to flourish, to become your own independent person. This process has not been easy on your ole mom over here, but I am trying to let you be your own person … I am trying to give you some freedom, but please, dear God, I beg, please don’t let these next few years go by so fast. I want to savor every moment. My little girl is growing up way too fast, and all I can do is watch her go … love her, allow her to be her own person … help her along the way, but watch her spread her wings and fly … please don’t fly too far away, dear Brittney …

I love you more than words could ever say, more than you’ll ever know in this lifetime … and no matter how old you get, you will always … ALWAYS … be my “little girl.”

I am so proud of you. I love you to the moon and stars.

Always & Forever,

~Mama~