Light, Love, Hope

The holiday season is upon us.  For many, this is not a happy time for them.  Their hearts are hurting from losing loved ones dear to them.  We are no different, as we have loved ones in Heaven we miss daily.

Our city just held their annual Angel of Hope event this past Saturday.  A monument was erected 12 years ago of an angel with wings outstretched as if to welcome and embrace children taken too soon from this world.  My sister’s name is among the names called and pictures displayed during the annual memorial service.  It never gets easy as you hold flowers and take the slow, lonely stroll down the brick walkway where the angel sits at the end.  Right behind the angel to the left is a plaque we donated to the city for my sister.  Every year my parents and I take this heartbreaking walk.  As we are standing at my sister’s plaque, my dad will kiss his hand and place it on my sister’s name.  After every name has been called, candles are lit for our loved ones.  As a song plays, memories flood in right along with the tears.

Be kinder than you usually are, especially during the holiday season.  You never know what a person is going through.  The person standing right next to you in line at the grocery store might just be fighting back tears as they try to hold it together.

Choose kindness … every time.

And

Pray for all those hurting during the holiday season.

“You need to wash your hair.”

I did this morning!

“Yeah well, it always looks greasy.”

***

“You’re wearing WAY too much blush.”

I’m not even wearing blush.

“Yes, you are!  And it looks awful!  Your makeup is always extreme anyway.”

****

“Hey, we’re going to get smoothies … don’t you want a smoothie today?  Ah, what a nice treat … or I know … what about those big giant cookies from the specialty shop down the road.”

Then they proceed to ask everyone in the office except for one young lady.

****

~rolling eyes~

“I don’t know why you think you can dress like that.  You need to be fired.  You suck at your job, then you come in here dressed inappropriately,” said after permission was given by a supervisor to wear said clothing and after getting promoted to a new position at work!

***

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sick of you.  I wish you would just shut up.  No one wants to hear about your life anyway!”

***

~throwing documents across the desk~

“You need to do this NOW!”

I am working on an important task.

“NO, I SAID you need to do this NOW.  So, DO IT!”

***

“We are taking up money for the birthday club.  Everyone contributes, and then we make sure that everyone’s birthday gets celebrated.”

~giving money, watching everyone else in the office being celebrated with cakes, balloons, streamers, and gifts lavished on every other co-worker, then NOTHING being doing for your birthday~

***

“Hey Sharon … Hey Mandy, Hey Lori … oh my gosh, Sue, you look SO good today!  Let’s plan a co-worker dinner on Friday!” said in front of the girl that got left out again.

***

All of the above are prime examples of dealing with mean girls.  I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

I am not quite sure what enjoyment they get out of behaving this way toward others.  However, it seems that these mean girls target a person in the office that does not follow the crowd.  If there is a “clique” and she (nor I) followed what they were doing, then we are deemed the outcasts.  I will just never understand the mentality of mean girls and what joy they could possibly get out of mistreating others.

Also, if one girl doesn’t like another girl in the office, then they ALL are expected not to like that person.  This could go on for a day, or it could go on for a week or even months.  You never know where you stand with people like this.  Literally one day they are nice and friendly, and the very next day they are hateful and making snide remarks.

You would think that by withdrawing from the mean girls after taking their abuse repeatedly that things would get better.  You stop caring that you’re excluded and just stay to yourself.  Surely there will be some relief by just withdrawing, right?  Instead, that seems to further fuel the fire with them.   They almost make it their goal in life to see how hateful they can be and are even more “in your face” with comments attacking you, your character, and your family even.

This does not even have to be confined to mean girls in the work place, although that is where I have encountered more than my share of mean girls!

I have tried to tell my daughters that it is an extremely miserable person that gets joy out of hurting others.  This person isn’t happy with themselves if they seek to destroy someone with their comments or behavior day in and day out.  Yet, if it was their daughter being treated as an outcast at school, they would be the first in line knocking on the principal’s door demanding that something be done about the daily harassment and bullying.

Children can be cruel, and I have dealt with it in school.  You expect it out of children somewhat that haven’t been taught any better.  Yet, I worked in an office such as this in my early 20s.  Sadly, I worked in an office such as this in my late 40s as well.  It’s truly unfortunate that there are women in the world who seek to destroy another or who takes great pleasure in attempting to chip away at another’s self esteem and self confidence. At times, supervisors sit by and don’t do anything about their employees, even when they witness it happening right in front of their faces.  Even if you report it, they still do very little.  I have left jobs in the past because of how I was mistreated by coworkers and upper management with their unwillingness to help with the hostile work environment.

The older a person gets does not ensure they will grow and mature.  Sadly, this behavior continues in some women in their 60s and beyond, believe it or not!

I learned to stand up for myself, and thankfully, my daughters are learning to take up for themselves as well when faced with mean girls such as the ones I’ve described.  It’s more than just “growing a thicker skin.”  And they aren’t “too sensitive” as some have even tried to say.  There needs to be more awareness, and we need to make it a priority to teach OUR children not to behave in this fashion.  These mean girls – regardless of their ages — learned it from some where, which is extremely sad, and the cycle continued.

There are mean, cruel, and hateful people in the world.  You don’t have to be one of them!

This is why I purposely give compliments to strangers!  I know what it is like to be on the receiving end of hateful and hurtful comments.  This is also why I try to include people as much as possible.  I know what it is like to be excluded, left out, and ignored.

When you can make someone’s day better, why not do so by smiling in their direction or giving a sincere compliment to them?  Why can’t women build each other up, instead of always trying to tear another woman down?   For the life of me, I will never understand any of this.

I go out of my way to be a light in another’s life.  I compliment, I praise, I sincerely include and invite.  I am not perfect by any means.  Because I’ve been hurt by others and experienced cruelty at another’s hand, I try to be different and strive NOT to be a mean girl.  I go against the grain and don’t join in when others are being hateful to another.

We have no way of knowing what a person may be struggling with.  Always be kind!  The person on the receiving end of this bullying and harassment by the mean girls could be really depressed and down on themselves.  They don’t need one more person to push them over the edge or have them contemplating suicide.

In a world where you can be anything … BE KIND!