When You Wish For More
Standing in the surgery holding room waiting for them to come get my mother, I found myself watching her every move. I know she felt as if she was on display laying there in a semi upright position in her fashionable hospital gown.
The nurses had already been in to give her some medicine to help calm her nerves, as my father sat at her bedside. I watched my parents holding hands and looking at each other. You could see the love between them, although no words were being spoken. It was hard for my dad to hide the troubled look on his face, but he tried to put on a brave front for my mother.
The time was quickly arriving for them to take her back for surgery, so my father and I gathered closer around to pray for her, the surgeon, and the entire staff that would be assisting my mother during her operation. Then the crew came to whisk her away. My dad and I exchanged loving words and hugs with my mother and tried to hold back our tears as they rolled her away. We stood cemented in that very spot until long after my mother was rolled out of sight. Neither of us could speak, so I just linked my arm in my father’s as I turned us both toward the exit to the family waiting room. Once outside the surgery holding area, I excused myself so as not to further upset my father, who was holding on to the railing staring out the large glass windows of the hospital.
After spending quite some time sitting inside my vehicle sobbing while speaking with a friend, I was finally able to regain my composure. Eventually, I returned to my father’s side in the family waiting area once more. He seemed to be in a much better place emotionally as well, so the break did us good to each process our own feelings.
Four and a half hours is what they originally told us would be the duration of this extensive back surgery. This step was necessary to end the pain my mother had been in for quite some time. When shots and various other therapies hadn’t worked, this step was needed to avoid her being in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. My mother said she told the doctor that she really didn’t have a choice in the matter then. She felt she had to have the surgery because she did not want to live the rest of her life confined to a wheelchair. That is what lead up to our gathering at the hospital that day.
After three hours, the nurse came out into the family waiting room to tell us that the doctor wanted to meet with us. She lead us to a long conference room with sterile looking arm chairs where we waited for his arrival. Trying not to think the worst, I just prayed silently that everything was okay. Finally, the doctor arrived to explain that things went well, she tolerated the surgery nicely, and he didn’t think she would have any problems. What a relief! Oh thank you God!
Fast forward to the next day …
My mom didn’t get to go home the following day as they originally planned. They could not get her to wake up, and she developed a fever. Her blood sugar levels were extremely high at 292, with her heart rate and blood pressure elevated as well. My daughter went right away when she learned this and stayed by her grandmother’s side until I could get there. My mother did finally wake up briefly, so my daughter was able to let me see my mom and my dad via Facetime. What a huge relief that was to SEE her face and have her try to talk to me briefly before she went back out again. When my daughter let me see my father’s face, I could see nothing but worry and anxiety all over him. This isn’t what they expected to happen nor what any of us wanted. Yet, it was what was taking place.
The doctors felt that she would eventually pull out of it, but during that time of hearing she was “unresponsive,” you couldn’t help but fear the worst while hoping for the best. All you need is faith the size of a mustard seed, I kept reminding myself.
Arriving by my mother’s bedside to stand once more looking at her in her fashionable hospital gown, I couldn’t help but think of all the times she told us the same story repeatedly. We would laugh and say, “Yes, you’ve told us this several times before …” and yet she would continue anyway just for us to smile back at her and almost be able to recite the story word for word since it was all too familiar. It is times like these standing by her bedside as she’s hooked up to monitors with tubes here and there, with no one really expecting her to require being on oxygen either … when you wish for more. Oh what I wouldn’t have given at that moment in time to hear those same stories on repeat. Please, Mama, wake up now and tell me again all about what happened … please … my heart silently begged.
Understanding The Bible
With lots of New Year Resolutions floating around, I wonder if any have resolved to dig deeper into the bible this year. Do you set out with good intentions to read the Bible but get bogged down in the language, such as “he begot this person and that person begot that person” for an example? I know I have really tried to set my mind to exploring and understanding the bible, but the verbiage gets me at times. But there’s more to the Bible, and that is where this book comes in!
I was actually surprised how this book broke things down. For example, we all know that the Bible consists of the Old Testament and the New Testament. We probably all were taught in Sunday School that there are 66 total books of the Bible. Maybe you even had to recite the books of the Bible like I had to growing up. Well, this book takes it further in exploring the Old Testament, which goes from creation, through the life of Jewish people, and right on up to the time of Christ. There are 39 books of the Bible in the Old Testament, with 28 authors writing over a span of two thousand years. Did you know that? I didn’t! Further, the New Testament tells of the birth of Jesus, His life and ministry, and the ministry of His disciples that was carried on after His crucifixion. There are 27 books of the Bible in the New Testament, with nine authors writing over a span of less than one hundred years.
This book goes a step further in explaining the Old Testament, with 17 historical, five poetical, and 17 prophetical books of the Bible. Likewise, the New Testament is broken down into five historical, 13 Pauline Epistles to the churches, and nine General Epistles.
Interesting, right?!
You don’t have to try to absorb ALL of the bible in one sitting. That’s virtually impossible. Even if you could read it all in a day, you wouldn’t be able to comprehend it all. With the aid of this book, however, you will gain more insight and understanding with just taking 15 minutes a day to devote to this cause. Further, they have fill in the blank areas within the book so you can jog your memory on what you just learned as you go along. This is done in an effort for you to retain the material later.
As I held this book in my hands, the first person I thought of was my father. Through the years, his faith has really been tested and tried. He’s gone from being a firm believer, to being on shaky ground after losing his oldest daughter so tragically. Finally, after years of us praying over him, my dad was able to come to terms with his anger over the loss of his precious daughter and turn back to God. In doing so, he tried to dive into the Bible to gain further understanding and comfort with the Word of God. He began praying heartfelt, almost preacher-worthy prayers, which surprised us but comforted us at the same time. This was the Godly man my heart knew, loved, and remembered from my childhood. He has returned!
Knowing my father’s desire to learn more about the Bible, I presented him with a copy of this book as one of his Christmas gifts this past year. He held it in his hands looking down at the cover, then slowly started thumbing through the pages. I could tell it definitely stirred something within his soul, and then he spoke, “I have been wanting to learn more about the Bible, so this is going to really come in handy in the new year.”
And my heart smiled.
Many thanks to Propeller Consulting, LLC for providing this book for my review.
No More Than We Can Bear
There’s a bible verse that others love to put right in the forefront of your mind when you’re going through troubled times. It happened again just recently when I was struggling, although not telling others what was truly going on. Honestly, after they’ve heard so much, they really don’t want to hear more. They just think, “Oh poor unfortunate soul …” and move on being glad that it isn’t them going through it.
I get it. No one wants to listen to “that” person going through trials and tribulations. So, “that” person then withdraws within and does not speak of anything troubling them at all. That can be good and bad. It’s good because they focus on the only One that can do anything about what is troubling them; God. And it is bad because when they truly need someone to be there for them, no one can be found. This leaves the person who is already going through so much feeling isolated and alone; the very last thing they need at that moment in time.
Pictures plastered across Social Media tell quite a tale, don’t they? And you’re left to wonder if this troubled soul is indeed troubled. Or “living it up.” No one knows but God. Pictures can make it look all kinds of different ways. Where is the truth? It lies behind those eyes.
Rumors fly, and you just have to laugh because everyone thinks they “know.” Others ask all around for answers to their inquiring minds. Why would the answer matter? Just nosey people being busy bodies wanting to spread your business around when they should really be dealing with matters in their own life, leaving you alone.
Ah, but that is the nature of the beast. And curiosity killed the cat, don’t you know?
How about this? We pray for one another. Whether we know for “certain” what is going on, or whether we “think” we do, why not just bow our heads before our Heavenly Father and ask Him to bless them?
Why can’t we fall upon our knees asking God to help them, if we get one inkling that they might not be doing as well as they put on?
Or, keep that person in our thoughts, wishing them well along their path in life?
But to ask just for the guilty pleasure of “knowing” whether they’re truly struggling or happy in life … that is just the height of being human. Every one wants to know someone else’s business when they should be tending to their own.
If, by chance, a rare soul offers assistance, the pride wells up and won’t allow it. Why turn down someone willing to help? For fear that at some point “repayment” will be expected or resentment will build on behalf of the giver. And then they will think that the one they once gifted has taken advantage. When that is far from the truth of the matter.
Assumptions – what do they do? WE ALL KNOW … they make an A$$ out of you and me.
Yet, we assume we know so much.
And we hurt our own feelings with our thoughts that may not be based on truth.
How about take each day as it comes. That is what I’ve been taught to do by life, itself. There is no guarantee from one minute to the next on how things will go. Sure, we want things normal and simple, but my life has been anything BUT that these past few years.
No one wants to hear about yet another procedure … or another test … or another anything.
And so you keep quiet and to yourself.
Others wag their tongues about you and think they KNOW …
And you leave them to their thoughts and gossip.
No more than we can bear.
