Light, Love, Hope

As we close this chapter on the final Write 31 Day Challenge … I have mixed emotions almost like I did when this challenge began at the beginning of October.  I am thankful for it, though, as it pulled me out of my writing hibernation and made me really focus on something besides the storms in my life that were raging when it first began.

It has been a sweet relief, in a way.  An avenue to get my thoughts out of my head and do something constructive to encourage someone else along the way, perhaps.

Writing allows you to release what you hold bottled up inside.  Some things you just don’t want to speak .. and so you write it down, and it takes the burden off of your shoulders.  You feel a sense of relief having gotten the words OUT.

Other topics have been so fun to speak of – and my heart dances at the good news that has come into all of our lives.

The storms may rage in your life, too, but please be encouraged knowing that they aren’t here to stay.  Things change and improve on a daily basis at times … other times there seems to be days without any end in sight.  But know this.  God will be right there beside you.  When you feel you can’t go on, He will lift you up into His strong arms and CARRY you!  This I promise to you!  You will not EVER walk alone.  EVER

Close the chapter on the bad and usher in the good.

It’s like I told someone close to me recently – life will go on. Whether we stay together or we part ways, my life is improving and good things are happening.  There is a little baby I can see on the horizon.  And that gives me the joy deep within my heart, right along with my two daughters who are my life, heart, and soul.

Live life to the fullest … despite the trials.  You will persevere, too, my darlings … and you will be stronger for everything you have gone through.

Take God’s hand, put your faith and trust in Him … and you will not go wrong in this life!

While we were away in Tennessee, my precious niece called in a puddle of tears.  My heart broke when I heard her crying, and I feared the worst.  Thankfully, she hadn’t lost the baby – which was one of our greatest fears and one of the reasons she was waiting until exactly three months along to announce her pregnancy to the world.  Her little heart was hurting, and I wanted to reach through the phone and hug her.  Living two hours away is hard enough as it is on a good day, but factor in her heart wrenching tears while we were away on our trip with no way to hurry back to her … it was all I could do to sit there holding the phone that night when what I really wanted to do was hold HER!

I heard her voice cracking as she tried to speak through her sobs.  I mustered up all the will I had inside of my body to talk her through this when what I really wanted to do was cry right along with her.  Knowing that would make the situation worse for her, I head it together and encouraged her the absolute best I could from all those miles away.

We talked for hours right there in the rental car in the parking garage in Nashville, Tennessee.  Nothing mattered at that moment in time except for her and soothing her little heart.

She is full of fears, as you can imagine being so young and with this being her first baby.  But it’s even more than that because she’s so afraid she is going to have postpartum depression like her mother (my sister) had.  She cried, and my heart longed to hold her in my arms and cradle her head against my chest as I rock her back and forth like I used to do when she was a little girl.  But I was handicapped being apart like we were.  My voice is the only way I had to reach her and the only tool I could utilize at that moment, so I spoke softly words of love, encouragement, and support into her ear … and she soaked up and hung on every single word.

I told her we’d talk to the doctor again, like we had on the first appointment I accompanied her to, about preventative medicine so she won’t have postpartum depression.  I told her we’d monitor her and be right there with her every step of the way, if she’d allow it.

She cried over my sister not being here … “Why did she have to go?  Why did she have to leave me?  She should be here NOW …” as her tears trailed off … my heart was in a million pieces on the floor board of the white Kia we were in.  My words were caught in my throat for a moment as I choked back the tears again.

I felt this 17 years ago, and that night, I felt it as strongly as ever to hear her very own daughter speak the words I’ve said many times since my sister has been gone.

We needed her so much … if only she could have seen that back then.

My niece told me that she would not be able to make it through this without me.  “I need you, Aunt Shirley … you’ve always been so encouraging and supportive, I cannot make it through this without you … I can’t …” 

Those words gathered up all of the shattered pieces of my heart that were scattered on the floor.  Magically, those pieces were mended back together and my heart was in one piece once again as I reassured her, “I am right here, darling, and I will help you through this.  I love you.  I’m not going any where … I will be there for you every step of the way, as much as you allow me to be. I promise you!”

And my words to her appeared to be like a soothing balm, as she began to grow more calmer.  Her tears that were falling like rain began to dry and soon a more perkiness returned in her voice as she began to talk about all the cute baby outfits she has seen.   By the end of our conversation, she was noticeably better and you could tell her smile had returned.

My niece needs me.  And I will be there!

All I have been able to think about is this little miracle baby growing inside of my niece as I type this.  I literally live, breathe, and obsess over this BABY!!!!

My niece came over to my house when my oldest daughter was home, which seems to be a rare occurrence in and of itself lately since she works in Charleston now.  We have talked of wanting to do maternity pictures of my niece, but now it’s more of a documentation of the entire nine months between the blog here and the MANY pictures we’re taking of her!

Obsession … I am NOT kidding you!

The eyes of my niece lit up when she saw my daughter bringing out all of her professional photography equipment.  As we set up the background and the lights, her eyes widened and she started giggling with excitement.  My daughter positioned her, and she began with the photography session.  I sat there with the biggest smile on my face with each shot taken.  Then, my daughter told me to get in the picture with my niece.  Not wanting to take away any attention from her at all, I bowed out of the pictures initially.  When my daughter insisted again, my niece insisted this time also, so I gladly stood beside her where I did not have to contain my excitement any longer!

I felt like a giddy school girl at that moment, and I had to do something a little silly in the picture so I pointed to her baby bump.

Then my daughter insisted I touch my niece’s stomach.

Well, you normally don’t walk right up to someone on the street, or even your own family members for that matter, and just randomly start touching their stomach.  That is just frowned upon, but with a pregnant woman, people cannot keep their well-meaning hands off of their stomachs!  I didn’t want to be “that” person, so I refrained UNTIL my niece said, “Go ahead, Aunt Shirley … you KNOW you want to …”  SO I DID!!!!

I “held” the baby for the first time as we took pictures together!!!

And I skipped off down the hall afterwards with the biggest, goofiest grin on my face that stayed there the rest of the night and into the next morning!