The Best Therapist
Walking out to the pasture, I see my gentle giants staring back at me. My friends tease that the horses only want me for the food I give them, but I believe there is something more. We share a connection and a bond, or else they would not meet me at the gate willing to go with me when they know I usually put them to work.
While I’m on “restriction” at the moment due to the surgery, I cannot ride my beloved horses. But, I can groom and love on them. I actually feel as if they miss it as much as I do when I’m not able to go out there.
The first few weeks after surgery I could only look at them from my kitchen window. It was much too cold to attempt to go out there with a weakened immune system, so I admired them from afar. Often times, I would look out and see my Sugar girl staring back at me. I have a connection with her far greater than with our other horses.
With the issues I started having after surgery, there were days I couldn’t even go to the window. I believe she missed me and started getting depressed. There might have been something else going on, but she would lay down more than usual. It wasn’t like she was thrashing around with colic, though, although we were afraid she might have some of the beginning signs. My husband went out to the pasture, but I longed for her. Worried sick, I watched now from the living room window as she walked slowly behind my husband with her head down. She appeared to have such sadness in her eyes, so I knew what I had to do. I went back to the bedroom, put on my warmest clothes, stepped into my boots by the back door and headed out to be with my Sugar girl.
When I approached them, she turned her sad eyes toward me. I got close to her face, and she allowed me to stroke her and kiss her as I whispered to her. She’s always been the best therapist for me when something was troubling me, and now it was my turn to do this for her.
I lead her over to the trailer and got my grooming bag to go to work on her. My little darling stood quietly as I brushed her mane as gently as I could. I realize they can’t feel if you accidentally pull their hair when you’re brushing their mane or tail, but I still treat her as if she is one of my tender headed children. I take my time getting all the tangles, twigs, and other particles out of her hair so she looks as beautiful as ever. Then I move on to the rest of her body taking great care with her grooming. That time is precious to me.
After being out there with her for a bit, Sugar perked up. I was so happy to see her acting like herself again. My girl was back!
That’s the bond we share!
Mr. Fix It
Men are fixers … if something is wrong, they automatically want to fix it. My husband is Mr. Fit It himself! If there ever was anyone on the face of the earth that wanted to fix something … it’s HIM!
My husband was a nervous wreck pacing the floors of the hospital as he waited with my two daughters, my daughter’s boyfriend, and my father. He has a lot of nervous energy anyway, but this was way worse than that. My daughter told me how antsy he was as they all waited together for news on how I was doing during the three-hour surgery.
Two weeks later, my husband took me back to the doctor due to a complication I was having. The result was a second surgery, and my poor husband sat in the waiting room alone this time. It was a last-minute decision to go back to surgery upon two failed attempts to resolve the bleeding with in-office procedures. My heart went out to him as I knew he’d be a mess as he waited alone. My daughter offered to come, but it was an hour and 15 minute drive. The doctor wanted to take me back immediately.
Ten days later, I came down with the flu! I’m telling you, at that time, it seemed like this sista could NOT catch a break! My husband was so worried about me; checking my temperature, writing the results down in a notebook to keep track, and making sure I had my Tamiflu every 12 hours on the dot. When I started throwing up the second day, he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me as I hugged the trash can in front of me. I was so miserable at that time, I did not care about being graceful. At all. Period. I mean, how can you really be graceful emptying your stomach and then dry heaving? How’s that for a visual? Later, he apologized if I felt as if I was on display, but he said he felt so helpless and wanted so badly to help me.
Now that all of that is behind me, my husband approached me last week with an idea.
“Shirley, you’ve been through hell. I mean you really have.”
“Yeah …”
“I want to do something for you.”
“Awe, that’s sweet, but you don’t have to,” I responded, thinking he wanted to make me breakfast or something like that.
“I want to buy you a new vehicle.”
I stopped in my tracks as I paused for a moment, then said, “That is really sweet, but … “
He continued, “No, hear me out. I couldn’t do anything to fix what you were going through. All I could do was sit and watch you as you suffered. If you’d let me, I’d like to buy you a new vehicle since you are just now able to drive again.”
As you can imagine, I was so surprised!
It was such a sweet gesture, but I have never been a materialistic person. I appreciated his offer so much, though.
He asked if I would at least look at a few new vehicles to see if I’d like to have one. So, I went with him and found my dream vehicle – but honestly, I could take it or leave it. After he insisted multiple times, I took it!
~smile~
And I made Mr. Fix It feel much better!
He truly does feel as if he has helped in my recovery, and I’ve humored him by telling him that I suddenly feel MUCH better! ~wink~
PS It’s a burgundy Tahoe. ~squeal~
Patience Is A Virtue
I’ve heard this all my life, “Patience is a virtue.” Having said that, I do have patience when it comes to a lot of things. Long lines in the grocery store, other people’s children misbehaving in public, traffic jams, etc., haven’t really caused me a lot of problems because I realize it’s a temporary thing, and it will pass. I try to occupy myself with other things to get my mind off of it, like grabbing the Inquirer as I wait in line OR checking my phone until the line moves.
Having a major surgery really tests your patience because you want so badly to have your life back. Yet, you are restricted from some of your daily activities. Getting out of the recliner, getting into and out of the shower, putting on your shoes, these are just some of the little things we take for granted. Having a hysterectomy limited my activities since the doctor did not want me to do anything that would engage my core muscles. My family has been wonderful, and they have helped me without complaining, even in the wee hours of the morning when they are deprived from sleep while helping me to the bathroom.
Being nervous and scared prior to the first surgery, I was known to say to my family and friends, “I just want to be on the other side of this.” When I started having those setbacks and required an additional surgery, I said it again. I was so desperate to be on the other side of this thing knowing everything was going to be okay. My husband reassured me that I would get there, but it would take time.
Time.
Meanwhile, I was held hostage on my couch and ordered by my doctor to be an official couch potato. He did not want me doing anything at all but resting. That was great for the first few days, but then I felt like I had enough couch time and wanted my life back.
And then, I developed the flu, in which I was absolutely miserable. Waking up one Sunday morning feeling as if my bones were aching, I felt sure I had the flu. Sure enough, as I dragged myself off of the couch and into the shower, with the help of my husband, I eventually made my way to the doctor’s office where they confirmed it. Type A flu was making me ache in places I didn’t even know I had!
Fast forward a week later, and the flu is a thing of the past. Hallelujah! All that was left to remind me of the week from hell was a lingering “crispy” cough, as my daughter describes it. Thankfully, that is now better, too!
Patience.
Did someone say patience?
I have to laugh as all things that happened were completely out of my control, so I was forced to be patient as I went through two surgeries and then the flu on top of everything else.
Finally able to return to the doctor’s office for the ultrasound, I was reassured with the outcome there. Everything was “stable,” and the doctor did not find anything of concern last Monday! Praise The Lord! AND … ~drum roll, please~ I was released to return to work!!! The land of the living! Woo-Hoo! What’s more is I was finally allowed to DRIVE again! I’m telling you, it’s the little things we take for granted that are stripped away from you to where you want to celebrate when you’re able to finally do them again!
There was one more obstacle in the way preventing me from having complete reassurance, and that was the hematologist appointment I still had to face. Knowing I was going into an oncology office was completely unnerving! Yet, I was told I was seeing the doctor solely for the blood disorder piece.
Thursday came, and I made my way to his office with clammy hands and a racing heart. As I sat waiting on the doctor to appear, the nursing assistant noted my elevated heart rate and blood pressure. Yes, I was nervous!
Then … he appeared.
This tall, gentle, black giant entered the room, shook my hand, and began to express how he did not feel I would be needing his services. He further went on to explain that I had a major surgery before when I had the rupture ectopic pregnancy. Since I didn’t have significant bleeding after that surgery, he did not feel I had an underlying blood disorder, although that was why I was referred to his office. He expressed that while I did bleed after the hysterectomy, it was not immediately. He felt it would have been an immediate respond to the major surgery if I did, in fact, have a blood disorder. Being that it was two weeks after the first surgery that I developed the bleeding, he concluded that there must have been a problem with the sutures themselves. Maybe a suture wasn’t secure on the corner of the vaginal cuff, and when I walked, it caused the suture to come undone more thus resulting in the bleeding I experienced. Having the sutures reinforced seemed to solve that problem, with the exception of the bleeding a week later due to the blood clots the ultrasound revealed.
The long and short of it is, I went to see the hematologist, and he had GREAT news!
While he did additional blood work to be certain, he does not think I will be needing him further after the follow-up appointment in February to review the results of the tests he ordered.
Yeah!
I felt like the weight of the world was lifted right off of my shoulders! Thank you, Lord!
I am happy to report that I AM on the other side of this now, and life continues to improve daily! I’m back to work and loving every single minute of it! I’ve been able to slide back behind the wheel of my Volvo C70 hardtop convertible with the bass thumping as I roll out of my driveway with a huge smile on my face. Each day proves to be better than the day before and the pains are less and less now. I’m so grateful to God for being with me every step of the way, even when I faced way more than I wanted to during this whole ordeal. I’m not sure why I had to go through all that I did, but I’m feeling so much better now.
LIFE IS GOOD!!
And my God is GREAT!
I’m finally on the other side!!
