An Unexpected Love Story
My daughter has a research paper to do for school. Most parents cringe at hearing this, but not me. I love words; reading, writing, exploring, and putting it all together. I’ve known for quite a while that I’m not normal, and that’s okay with me!
The teacher has allowed her to pick her own topic for research. It was with great delight that I began to help her research and write on The Diary of Anne Frank. As a child, I read about her, and I was fascinated, yet horrified, at the story! To imagine a teenager living in the days of World War II during the Holocaust was hard to comprehend, yet she wrote with such passion in her diaries that now allow us to have a glimpse into her days and her thoughts during this time period.
Imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon passages contained within her diary that spoke of an unexpected love story! Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that a love story would be tucked away inside the pages of her diary. Yet, my heart leaped with excitement as I read her words and learned of how fond she had become of a boy named Peter. Sharing the Secret Annex with him, she developed feelings she’d never experienced before. It was thrilling that even in the midst of the world in utter chaos, her little heart found hope and something to cling to in such trying times.
Just recently, I shared a passage out of her diary with someone dear to me; someone who has closed themselves off emotionally due to circumstances in their past that has caused them great pain. It saddens my heart that any individual would become so cold and numb as a result of others doing them wrong, yet it has happened. I’m trying to help this person climb out from under years of emotional abuse at the hands of someone who was supposed to love them. Years of this treatment has wreaked havoc on this individual, but I know they hide for fear of being hurt again.
I wonder whether you could tell me why it is that people
always try so hard to hide their real feelings?
How is it that I am always quite different
from what I should be in other people’s company
and also quite different from what I am inside?
Why do people trust one another so little?
Oh, I do know there must be a reason,
but things are bad, very bad, indeed!
~Anne Frank
The words of a 13-year-old school girl resonate with us all. Wise beyond her years, Anne Frank leaves a legacy behind and asks some pointed questions we can all relate to.
Whenever I go upstairs now,
I keep hoping that I shall see “him.”
Because my life now has some object
and I have something to look forward to,
everything has become more pleasant.
At least the object of my feelings is always there,
and I needn’t be afraid of rivals (except Margot).
You really needn’t think I’m in love, since I’m not,
but I do have the feeling all the time
that something fine can grow up between us,
something which gives confidence and friendship.
~Anne Frank
And those feelings, no matter how you try to tuck them away, will eventually wiggle their way up from the bottom of your heart and make themselves known. They aren’t to be feared. Feelings aren’t right or wrong. They just are … embrace them! When dealing with an emotionally fragile person, much care must be given that the feelings have started to surface so no harm will come to them now. Place your heart into my hands where I will safeguard it and handle with care.
The Best Therapist
Walking out to the pasture, I see my gentle giants staring back at me. My friends tease that the horses only want me for the food I give them, but I believe there is something more. We share a connection and a bond, or else they would not meet me at the gate willing to go with me when they know I usually put them to work.
While I’m on “restriction” at the moment due to the surgery, I cannot ride my beloved horses. But, I can groom and love on them. I actually feel as if they miss it as much as I do when I’m not able to go out there.
The first few weeks after surgery I could only look at them from my kitchen window. It was much too cold to attempt to go out there with a weakened immune system, so I admired them from afar. Often times, I would look out and see my Sugar girl staring back at me. I have a connection with her far greater than with our other horses.
With the issues I started having after surgery, there were days I couldn’t even go to the window. I believe she missed me and started getting depressed. There might have been something else going on, but she would lay down more than usual. It wasn’t like she was thrashing around with colic, though, although we were afraid she might have some of the beginning signs. My husband went out to the pasture, but I longed for her. Worried sick, I watched now from the living room window as she walked slowly behind my husband with her head down. She appeared to have such sadness in her eyes, so I knew what I had to do. I went back to the bedroom, put on my warmest clothes, stepped into my boots by the back door and headed out to be with my Sugar girl.
When I approached them, she turned her sad eyes toward me. I got close to her face, and she allowed me to stroke her and kiss her as I whispered to her. She’s always been the best therapist for me when something was troubling me, and now it was my turn to do this for her.
I lead her over to the trailer and got my grooming bag to go to work on her. My little darling stood quietly as I brushed her mane as gently as I could. I realize they can’t feel if you accidentally pull their hair when you’re brushing their mane or tail, but I still treat her as if she is one of my tender headed children. I take my time getting all the tangles, twigs, and other particles out of her hair so she looks as beautiful as ever. Then I move on to the rest of her body taking great care with her grooming. That time is precious to me.
After being out there with her for a bit, Sugar perked up. I was so happy to see her acting like herself again. My girl was back!
That’s the bond we share!
Mr. Fix It
Men are fixers … if something is wrong, they automatically want to fix it. My husband is Mr. Fit It himself! If there ever was anyone on the face of the earth that wanted to fix something … it’s HIM!
My husband was a nervous wreck pacing the floors of the hospital as he waited with my two daughters, my daughter’s boyfriend, and my father. He has a lot of nervous energy anyway, but this was way worse than that. My daughter told me how antsy he was as they all waited together for news on how I was doing during the three-hour surgery.
Two weeks later, my husband took me back to the doctor due to a complication I was having. The result was a second surgery, and my poor husband sat in the waiting room alone this time. It was a last-minute decision to go back to surgery upon two failed attempts to resolve the bleeding with in-office procedures. My heart went out to him as I knew he’d be a mess as he waited alone. My daughter offered to come, but it was an hour and 15 minute drive. The doctor wanted to take me back immediately.
Ten days later, I came down with the flu! I’m telling you, at that time, it seemed like this sista could NOT catch a break! My husband was so worried about me; checking my temperature, writing the results down in a notebook to keep track, and making sure I had my Tamiflu every 12 hours on the dot. When I started throwing up the second day, he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me as I hugged the trash can in front of me. I was so miserable at that time, I did not care about being graceful. At all. Period. I mean, how can you really be graceful emptying your stomach and then dry heaving? How’s that for a visual? Later, he apologized if I felt as if I was on display, but he said he felt so helpless and wanted so badly to help me.
Now that all of that is behind me, my husband approached me last week with an idea.
“Shirley, you’ve been through hell. I mean you really have.”
“Yeah …”
“I want to do something for you.”
“Awe, that’s sweet, but you don’t have to,” I responded, thinking he wanted to make me breakfast or something like that.
“I want to buy you a new vehicle.”
I stopped in my tracks as I paused for a moment, then said, “That is really sweet, but … “
He continued, “No, hear me out. I couldn’t do anything to fix what you were going through. All I could do was sit and watch you as you suffered. If you’d let me, I’d like to buy you a new vehicle since you are just now able to drive again.”
As you can imagine, I was so surprised!
It was such a sweet gesture, but I have never been a materialistic person. I appreciated his offer so much, though.
He asked if I would at least look at a few new vehicles to see if I’d like to have one. So, I went with him and found my dream vehicle – but honestly, I could take it or leave it. After he insisted multiple times, I took it!
~smile~
And I made Mr. Fix It feel much better!
He truly does feel as if he has helped in my recovery, and I’ve humored him by telling him that I suddenly feel MUCH better! ~wink~
PS It’s a burgundy Tahoe. ~squeal~
