Patience Is A Virtue
I’ve heard this all my life, “Patience is a virtue.” Having said that, I do have patience when it comes to a lot of things. Long lines in the grocery store, other people’s children misbehaving in public, traffic jams, etc., haven’t really caused me a lot of problems because I realize it’s a temporary thing, and it will pass. I try to occupy myself with other things to get my mind off of it, like grabbing the Inquirer as I wait in line OR checking my phone until the line moves.
Having a major surgery really tests your patience because you want so badly to have your life back. Yet, you are restricted from some of your daily activities. Getting out of the recliner, getting into and out of the shower, putting on your shoes, these are just some of the little things we take for granted. Having a hysterectomy limited my activities since the doctor did not want me to do anything that would engage my core muscles. My family has been wonderful, and they have helped me without complaining, even in the wee hours of the morning when they are deprived from sleep while helping me to the bathroom.
Being nervous and scared prior to the first surgery, I was known to say to my family and friends, “I just want to be on the other side of this.” When I started having those setbacks and required an additional surgery, I said it again. I was so desperate to be on the other side of this thing knowing everything was going to be okay. My husband reassured me that I would get there, but it would take time.
Time.
Meanwhile, I was held hostage on my couch and ordered by my doctor to be an official couch potato. He did not want me doing anything at all but resting. That was great for the first few days, but then I felt like I had enough couch time and wanted my life back.
And then, I developed the flu, in which I was absolutely miserable. Waking up one Sunday morning feeling as if my bones were aching, I felt sure I had the flu. Sure enough, as I dragged myself off of the couch and into the shower, with the help of my husband, I eventually made my way to the doctor’s office where they confirmed it. Type A flu was making me ache in places I didn’t even know I had!
Fast forward a week later, and the flu is a thing of the past. Hallelujah! All that was left to remind me of the week from hell was a lingering “crispy” cough, as my daughter describes it. Thankfully, that is now better, too!
Patience.
Did someone say patience?
I have to laugh as all things that happened were completely out of my control, so I was forced to be patient as I went through two surgeries and then the flu on top of everything else.
Finally able to return to the doctor’s office for the ultrasound, I was reassured with the outcome there. Everything was “stable,” and the doctor did not find anything of concern last Monday! Praise The Lord! AND … ~drum roll, please~ I was released to return to work!!! The land of the living! Woo-Hoo! What’s more is I was finally allowed to DRIVE again! I’m telling you, it’s the little things we take for granted that are stripped away from you to where you want to celebrate when you’re able to finally do them again!
There was one more obstacle in the way preventing me from having complete reassurance, and that was the hematologist appointment I still had to face. Knowing I was going into an oncology office was completely unnerving! Yet, I was told I was seeing the doctor solely for the blood disorder piece.
Thursday came, and I made my way to his office with clammy hands and a racing heart. As I sat waiting on the doctor to appear, the nursing assistant noted my elevated heart rate and blood pressure. Yes, I was nervous!
Then … he appeared.
This tall, gentle, black giant entered the room, shook my hand, and began to express how he did not feel I would be needing his services. He further went on to explain that I had a major surgery before when I had the rupture ectopic pregnancy. Since I didn’t have significant bleeding after that surgery, he did not feel I had an underlying blood disorder, although that was why I was referred to his office. He expressed that while I did bleed after the hysterectomy, it was not immediately. He felt it would have been an immediate respond to the major surgery if I did, in fact, have a blood disorder. Being that it was two weeks after the first surgery that I developed the bleeding, he concluded that there must have been a problem with the sutures themselves. Maybe a suture wasn’t secure on the corner of the vaginal cuff, and when I walked, it caused the suture to come undone more thus resulting in the bleeding I experienced. Having the sutures reinforced seemed to solve that problem, with the exception of the bleeding a week later due to the blood clots the ultrasound revealed.
The long and short of it is, I went to see the hematologist, and he had GREAT news!
While he did additional blood work to be certain, he does not think I will be needing him further after the follow-up appointment in February to review the results of the tests he ordered.
Yeah!
I felt like the weight of the world was lifted right off of my shoulders! Thank you, Lord!
I am happy to report that I AM on the other side of this now, and life continues to improve daily! I’m back to work and loving every single minute of it! I’ve been able to slide back behind the wheel of my Volvo C70 hardtop convertible with the bass thumping as I roll out of my driveway with a huge smile on my face. Each day proves to be better than the day before and the pains are less and less now. I’m so grateful to God for being with me every step of the way, even when I faced way more than I wanted to during this whole ordeal. I’m not sure why I had to go through all that I did, but I’m feeling so much better now.
LIFE IS GOOD!!
And my God is GREAT!
I’m finally on the other side!!
Things I Learned About Myself
It’s now been four weeks and two days since the original surgery, and two weeks and two days since the second surgery. I was supposed to go back last week to have another ultrasound to check the two blood clots the doctor has been monitoring. However, I developed the flu! Yes, of all things, and of all people to get it, I did!
I have tried to do just what the doctor ordered all of this time, yet things happened which were all beyond my control. The flu took the wind right out of my sails, that’s for sure! The second day, I threw up five times over a period of several hours, all while praying I didn’t cause any harm to the surgery places inside!
Fever, chills, body aches, massive headache, congestion, and a terrible cough all went with it. A trip to the doctor and ten Tamiflu later, I am feeling better! My entire household is now on Tamiflu to hopefully prevent them getting the flu. I’m praying they do not experience this because it was miserable!
During all of this, there are things I learned about myself.
- I am a good patient. My husband and children have observed me when I’ve been most vulnerable. They have witnessed me calmly sitting in somewhat of an upright position in the hospital bed, quiet as a mouse. I let the nurses do their job, and I try to be the best patient I possibly can. When asked about it recently, I told my husband that these are the people caring for me. There is no need in me becoming a bad patient when they are tending to me because I could make the situation a LOT worse for myself. And I do NOT want to do that. I realize the nurses are in charge of my IVs, as well as administering medicine, and helping me in and out of the bed to go to the bathroom. I’m not about to tick them off by being a loud and obnoxious patient. Now, don’t get me wrong, if someone starts mistreating me, I’ll find my voice real quick. But there is no need to be a bad patient, ever. Period. Let them do their jobs, and most of the time, they will exceed your expectations.
- I have anxiety. This I have known for a while, but I thought it was just a touch of anxiety that would rear its ugly head every now and then. With what I’ve been going through, it has made itself more apparent. There is no shame or weakness in admitting I have anxiety. Believe me, you would, too, if you started bleeding profusely after a surgery that was supposed to prevent that from ever happening again!
- I have faith in God. My faith has been a huge part of my recovery from life in general when things try to knock me down. I get back up, dust myself off, and pray harder than ever before. And, I did just that when the complications started. I found myself pacing the floor with tears spilling out of my eyes as I clasped my hands together and prayed to God to help me. My family was scared, as was I, but in a crisis situation, they got to see me clinging to God and begging for Him to help me. They’ve known for a while that my faith is strong, and they know I pray. But they got to witness firsthand something that is usually only between myself and my Lord and Savior.
- I have post traumatic stress. My doctor acknowledged this due to all that I’ve been through this past year and a half with the doctors and the illness itself. This drives the anxiety through the roof at times. Yet, my God is bigger than this AND the anxiety.
- I am strong. What would make others crawl into a fetal position has only made me realize how strong I truly am. I’ve handled everything that has been coming at me with the help of God, and He has been my strength!
- I am a firm believer in second opinions! As I started out on this journey, I saw a local doctor who didn’t have much of a bedside manner and who was too “matter-of-fact” for my liking. Listen up. Just because the doctor might be closer to you as in drive time does NOT mean they are the doctor that needs to be treating you! I have found much better care from a doctor that is an hour and fifteen minutes away from me. This has not always been convenient, especially with the complications that developed. BUT, I do not mind the drive because I know I will be in great hands when I finally reach their office! If you’re going through something, now or in the future, there is NOTHING wrong with seeking a second opinion. Maybe the doctors will concur with their findings and treatment options, or maybe they won’t. You owe it to yourself to seek the best care available to you no matter what is going on in your life or with your family. It truly matters who you choose to care for you. I am so happy with my choice, so much that I’ve recommended him to others!
- I am emotional. And there isn’t anything in the world wrong with that. It seems I’ve shed my share of tears within this last month, but it hasn’t all been because I’ve been worried or scared. Things affect me greater now like even being sent a video recommendation from a friend that resulted in tears falling like rain. Why? Because it was the sweetest message in that song, and they wanted me to hear it.
- I am a good friend. During all of this, I have come to realize that I am the kind of friend I’d like to have. Did that sound weird? I check on people. I care deep within my soul about their well-being It matters to me when my friends are hurting – no matter if we talk daily or if we get so busy in life that we only talk every now and then. If I find out someone I love is hurting or going through something, I reach out to them to let them know I care and I’m here for them. And I mean it with my whole heart. Sadly, I have not had a whole lot of this during the past month’s recovery. The ones I have had it from were surprisingly MEN! Yep, you got it. My women friends haven’t really bothered at all, which has caused a little bit of sadness and disappointment, but I realize that’s life. People aren’t going to do for me what I would do for them. They just don’t. And it’s been proven. But, there are good people in the world that DO check up on me and care for me. I have known for a while that I get along better with men, older women, and children. That’s no secret. I have one gentleman coworker that checks on me almost daily, if it hasn’t been every single day since this all started. It was a surprise, really, but I’ve appreciated his care and concern. My boss has checked in on me several times as well. He’s a really great guy! I also have guy friends in other states that have reached out, but one such gentleman in New Zealand has let me know he cares just recently when he realized I had been absent from Facebook. He’s the only one from a group I met online 20 years ago to check in on me. He tried to make excuses for the others, but if they wanted to check on me, they would have. I’ve been there through a lot of their family things through the years – really hard things they had to endure, but that’s okay that I’ve walked this without them. He’s still by my side, and I’m grateful.
- I am a survivor. I’ve been through some hard things in my life that could have destroyed me, yet I did not allow it to do so. With my faith in God, I have conquered, and with His help, I have climbed the mountains and have stood at the very top praising Him! I can’t honestly say that I’ve praised Him in the midst of trials, because this one is hard to do at times. But, I have tried. I know without a doubt that I’ve clung to Him like never before, though. In the midst of hard times when I’m struggling, you will find me praying to God for help and guidance. He is the first one I turn to!
- I use what I’ve been through to help others in their time of need. I will be the first person to lend a helping hand or at least offer to help someone who is struggling. I realize the importance of being there for people, and that is my goal to be there so no one ever has to feel alone again. Going through the surgery, I still had this on my heart and mind, thus the reason I invited a gentleman to Christmas lunch with my family. He was going to spend the day alone with his dogs, but I could not sit in my warm house surrounded by the love from my family, laughing and enjoying the day, known he sat alone in his house not feeling the warmth of love around him. Three days after surgery, I extended an invitation for him to have Christmas with us – complete with gifts I purchased for him prior to the surgery as well. And I was honored when he accepted the invitation!
In closing, all of the things I’ve learned about myself have been positives. I’m not looking at anything in a negative light. I’m thankful God has given me the gift of another day to spend with my loved ones! Among all that has happened, I feel a closer bond with my family as well. It’s truly humbling when you can’t get off of the couch without assistance and have to depend on others to get in the shower, get dressed, and to even fix your meals. They have given me so much love and have truly cared for me, which has touched my heart. I don’t want to ever be a burden to my family, and thankfully, they have not made me feel as if I am at all. They have willingly given their time and have stayed with me, sometimes out of fear with everything that was happening, but always out of love. My husband’s employer has been super to allow him to be home with me for weeks working remotely, as well as allowing him to take me back and forth to all of the many doctor’s appointments. My daughters have been helping me at home also. I know I am BLESSED, and my heart is truly grateful!
The Saga Continues
I wish I could write a raving report of how wonderfully I’ve recovered after surgery. Yet, the saga continues, unfortunately for me.
Three weeks after the first surgery, and a week after the second surgery, I rushed back to the doctor’s office due to passing bright red blood once again. ~heavy sigh~
At the doctor’s office, they took me in for an ultrasound. Then, seven vials of blood were drawn to test for any blood disorders that might be causing the excessive, abnormal bleeding after surgery. Finally, I was ushered into the room where I waited in my fashionable white sheet for the doctor to appear.
I have the most polite doctor, as he will knock on the door and ask, “May I come in?” each time. Once he enters the room, he flashes a smile and extends his hand to shake.
He began by apologizing for me having all of these issues after surgery, which certainly is not normal with a hysterectomy. The first week and a half, I was doing wonderfully and was so excited about how well things were going. Then, things started happening that baffled us with all of the bleeding. After a second surgery where he added eight figure-eight sutures to reinforce and close off the places that were bleeding, I was back due to more unexplained bleeding!
Upon examination, the vaginal cuff, (the area remaining after the removal of the cervix), was still in tact, and the sutures looked good. However, the ultrasound revealed two blood clots inside my abdomen above the vaginal cuff. The doctor went on to explain that he believed this was where the bleeding was coming from but not from the actual incision site at all. He stated that he did not know the blood clots were there last Friday when he went back in to seal the incision to prevent bleeding. Now that extra sutures were added, it’s as secure as it could possibly be so the only explanation has to be that the body is trying to do what it naturally does by breaking down the blood clots to eliminate them. Once the body starts to do this, it with liquify, and then it will be released as such, thus the bleeding!
Since this all has happened, my doctor is referring me to a hematologist/oncologist. I became extremely nervous when I heard those words. Wanting to interrupt him in mid sentence but realizing how rude that was, I waited until he finished speaking signaling it was my turn. I explained the nervousness I had when hearing those words, and I asked if he thought I had cancer. He said he did not but the hematologist specializes in blood disorders. Being that I’ve had significant trouble with bleeding after surgery, he believes there may be an underlying blood disorder that we don’t know about just yet. While this won’t help with the current bleeding issue, it will help should I ever require another surgery in the future. The doctor went on to explain that there are things they can put into the IV prior to surgery to help cut down on the bleeding if one does have a disorder.
Now, you know I’m praying about this and asking everyone else to pray as well. I am a firm believer in God and in the power of prayer! I know there is power in the number of people who gather at the foot of the throne on your behalf as well. “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” Matthew 18:20 KJV. If you’re reading this, please say a prayer for me, if you wouldn’t mind. Thank you!
I don’t want anything bad to be wrong. This surgery was considered major surgery. The first surgery date of December 22, 2017 and the second surgery date of January 5, 2018 seem so far away. And honestly, it’s unnerving at times that I’m still having complications. It’s more of a nuisance bleed at this point, from what the doctor said, but it still shouldn’t be happening, so we need to find out why it is an issue.
In the midst of all of this, I do truly realize how blessed I am, though. My situation pales in comparison with what so many are going through. Honestly, I was brought to tears upon checking in on my blogger friend’s little boy on the way home from one of many of my latest appointments. When I was hoping to find cheerful news, instead, I was shaken to my core when I read that the four-year-old little boy’s time on earth was nearing to a close. I stopped reading and just sobbed for him and his parents. While I didn’t know them personally, we became friends by meeting as bloggers on a site … and I have followed their heartbreaking story. I have smiled at his antics when he’d dance around in the videos his parents so graciously shared with the world. And my heart broke into a million pieces when I read that Gabriel slipped from this world while being cradled in his mother’s loving arms. Please say a prayer for his parents and for everyone who knew and loved Gabriel. I loved his sweet smile and how he’d bounce around. I am thankful that his parents shared him with the rest of the world, and my heart is so saddened by the loss of this precious little boy.
It is times like this that I feel so incredibly selfish for speaking of the complications I have had. His family has endured far more than they ever should have had to in this lifetime. And here I sit speaking of my problems that pale in comparison. I know that sweet family is grieving and hurting so deeply. It really helps me stop feeling sorry for myself and urges me to reach out to them in some way to offer my condolences. Although words will never heal at a time like this, I can offer my prayers and take them to the Almighty God who WILL wrap His loving arms around them and comfort as only He can at this most difficult time.
Thank you for reading where my thoughts take me – sometimes all the way around the world it seems. But they need to come out, and I am thankful for this outlet right here at my disposal where I can allow my thoughts and feelings to pour out over my keyboard and into this blog.
This is me. This is my story. I pray this is just a bump in the road and good times are coming for me! I trust and believe. And I claim it in the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour!
