Light, Love, Hope

One of my fears going into this surgery was the fear of any complications developing during the surgery or afterwards.  Thankfully, the surgery went well.  However, two weeks after the first surgery, much to my horror, I started bleeding profusely!  My doctor tried one option to stop the bleeding Thursday, but it failed and overnight I started bleeding more than before.  It was frightening!  Thankfully, my doctor was on call that night when we reached out at 1:00 a.m. to let him know what was happening.  He instructed me to go to the emergency room if the bleeding grew worse, but if I could hold off until the morning, then he would meet me at his office before they even opened.   As you can imagine, I got very little sleep between worrying and praying for God to help me!

Bright and early, we were on the road to his office.  They took me back right away and immediately tested my hemoglobin, blood pressure and temperature.  My blood pressure was down from the day before, although it was because I took an Ativan overnight to calm me.  My temperature was still 99, which they considered a low-grade fever.  While I had a good hemoglobin count, the potential of bleeding out over the weekend was there if they could not get this under control.  That scared the daylights out of me!

He tried a second option, which usually works in places where he is unable to put sutures.  Thankfully, my doctor would not let me leave, (since we live over an hour away from his office), until he could see whether the second treatment option would work. After an hour and a half, it was clear what step needed to be taken when the bleeding returned.   After two failed in-office procedures, going back for surgery was the only surefire way to ensure the bleeding stopped.

Everything seemed to happen so fast after that when I heard, “Clear my schedule and get her into the operating room stat!”

I faded in and out after that.  I vaguely remember the doctor asking if he had permission to do whatever was necessary to save my life.  YES!  

I have memories of the nurse that took me back and started reading off my diagnosis and what I was having done.  When she got to “depression” as one of my diagnoses, I said, “Yes, and it is directly related to what is going on with me right this minute.”   As I was saying that, the second nurse appeared, and I believe God placed her in my path on purpose.  She shared with me that she, too, had this happen after her hysterectomy so she could completely understand how scary this was and how it affects you.  It meant so much for her to share her story and to also give me hope that although this did set me back on my recovery, all would be well in the end.  God knows exactly what you need right when you need it, doesn’t He?  Of all the people to be placed in my path that morning, God chose her to encourage me when I was feeling so afraid and alone.

My doctor came in and prayed with my husband and I.  Next, I remember wondering why they didn’t give me something to knock me out before wheeling me into the operating room.  I looked around, beginning to get more anxious as I saw the inside of the operating room.  I didn’t want to see that.  I didn’t want to remember them getting me into position.  Nothing.  I wanted to be out for ALL of that … and about that time, I faded out once more.

The next memory was waking up in the recovery room with a nice nurse greeting me with a smile and offering me a cup of water.  She took her time explaining in great detail what happened, what to expect, and what my discharge instructions were.  My doctor had already called in an antibiotic to help ensure I wouldn’t get an infection since they had to go back in.  I am to see him Friday for a follow-up to see how I’m healing.  I pray things progress well and there will not be any more setbacks.  I just want to feel like myself again!

I have had so many feelings throughout all of this.  People have surprised me.  The ones I thought would be there, haven’t been.  The ones I didn’t think would, have been the very ones to step up and support me throughout this entire ordeal.  I’ve had unexpected people checking up on me, while others have walked away.  Some read my struggles without commenting, and that is okay.  I didn’t post ANY of this here on my blog or on Facebook for any other reason than for people to pray for me.  That’s all I want.  We can never have too many people sending up prayers on our behalf, and I appreciate each and every person who took the time to pray for me!  God hears each person, and I know there is power in numbers, too.

My advice if you ever have a loved one, friend, or acquaintance going through something like this, let them know you’re praying for them.  It helps a whole bunch!  When someone is struggling after surgery, realize that it is truly a traumatic experience for them.  They need love, support, and encouragement.  Don’t leave them in the midst of all of this!  And don’t tell them to smile or downplay anything they are feeling either!  I’m here to tell you that depression is real and so is post traumatic stress!  I have experienced both and do not wish this on ANY one!

My husband and children have been wonderful throughout all of this.  We have shared our fears and shed many tears.  To say I’ve been emotional is definitely an understatement!  I could burst into tears at literally any moment.  They have encouraged me, surrounded me in my recliner, took my hands in theirs, and prayed for me several times.  A lot of times people will say, “I’m praying for you …” or “I will pray …” without actually doing it.  But they stopped right there and prayed out loud for me.  And my heart was filled with a new love and appreciation for them.

As I take time to heal, I am clinging to God, my family, and the words of that angel God put in my path.  “This is just a minor setback, and you will be good from here on out.  It is worth it, I promise!  You will see!”  

Friday, December 22, 2017, three days before Christmas, was my surgery day.  I’ll admit I was nervous and scared, even dissolving into tears the night before due to fear of the unknown.  The reasonable part of my brain kept reciting Bible verses to help.  Then, one of my coworkers, who usually picks on me relentlessly, sent me an extremely sweet message.  That was it!  The tears started streaming down my face at that point.  I am not ashamed to admit that I even went for the Ativan that the doctor prescribed, because he prescribed it just for that reason; anxieties surrounding the surgery.  This doesn’t make me a weak person.  It makes me human.

I managed to sleep the night before, which had to be God helping me there find some sort of peace.  We got up Friday morning, showered, and then made our way to the hospital.

Upon checking in, they sent me to the lab for initial blood work.  It was a blessing in disguise, as the lab technician was my coworker’s cousin!  Chatting with her helped so much more than I can explain in this post!  It helped to somewhat keep my mind off of what I was facing.

After leaving the lab, they took me right in for the surgery pre-op.   When the nice lady lead me to my “room,”  I was greeted by two angels who really helped calm my nerves further.  One took a look at me, then asked, “Honey, why are you upset?”  I replied, “Because I’m about to have major surgery, and I’m nervous.”  She smiled as she said, “Awe, you are going to be just fine.  Most women come in here so happy to get rid of that thing … we’re going to have a Hysterectomy Party!”  The other angel chimed in, and pretty soon they both had me smiling.

My family was allowed to come in two by two to sit with me, as the staff waited for the operating room and other staff members to arrive from the Anesthesiologist Department.  Although they were nervous, my family chattered on about this or that to try to keep my mind off of what was getting ready to happen.  They switched out ever so often, as my two daughters, husband, father, and my oldest daughter’s boyfriend were there to support me.  My mom didn’t come because she didn’t want to upset me.  Leading up to the surgery, although she meant well, my anxieties got the better of me each time I spoke with her.  She would talk about what “could happen,” which made things worse for me.  She knew I was anemic at one point during this whole ordeal leading up to surgery, and she pointed out that they would more than likely have to give me a blood transfusion.  She was trying to prepare me so I wouldn’t be upset if it happened.  I love my mom, but it made my anxiety worse.  The night before, she decided not to attend so as not to further upset me.

My doctor’s smiling face entered, and he waved before he went to make sure all of the staff had arrived.  He walked back into my room, spoke with me and my family, and then had us all join hands to pray before they took me back to prep me for surgery.  I was so overwhelmed with emotion as I could feel the power of his prayer and the presence of God in our midst.  After the moving prayer, this lady with big eyes approached me, fully dressed in her surgery attire complete with hair cover and mask over her nose and mouth.  She had such expression, using her eyebrows and wide-eyes to emphasize her enthusiasm as she asked, “Are you ready to go for a ride?”  Then she paused, looking over her shoulder at my family as she said, “Go grab an early lunch …”  She glanced back at me, with her eyebrows wiggling up and down, she finished with, “Don’t worry honey, we have something much better for you!”

And just like that, I was out … that is all I remember, which is the way I wanted it.  I did not want to remember any of the prepping before surgery.  I wanted to be out of it, and I was, thankfully!

My family reported that my doctor came out to say the surgery was a success.  They were able to do it laparoscopically – Praise The Lord!  We already knew I had three fibroids, Adenmyosis, but when he got in, he discovered a few surprises; Endometriosis, a cyst on my right fallopian tube, and a benign tumor in my uterus!  My family was shocked, just as the doctor was upon finding these when he opened me through the keyhole incision in my belly button and began the surgery.

The next memory I have was waking up in the recovery room.  I wish I could say that was a pleasant experience; however, I had a nurse who was ready to go home and very upset that she was assigned a new patient – ME.  She verbalized this in front of my 20-year-old daughter, as well as my husband and father.  She was not willing to re-read a part of the discharge notes, even though I requested for her to please repeat it several times.  She glared at me, as witnessed also by my three family members who were present.   She was extremely rude, sarcastic and did not want to be bothered with me at the end of her shift.  When I had questions, she refused to answer, so we asked her to call the doctor.  Upon her final refusal to do anything I asked, I told my husband to call the on-call doctor himself since she absolutely would not call MY doctor directly.  When she realized what we were doing, she stomped out only to be greeted by a black gentleman holding his phone with my doctor on the line.  I was grateful for this sweet soul coming to my rescue!  I spoke with the doctor, asking questions that she would not answer and addressing things that were concerning me.  I relayed to him the resistance I had with this particular nurse, and he instructed me to report her if she was not up to that medical center’s standards.  She was trying to make her presence known while I was on the phone, as if that would make a difference and would prevent me from speaking my mind regarding her behavior.  WRONG!  Finally, he gave directives, and I said I’d let him tell the nurse since she wasn’t listening to me nor doing anything I asked of her.  I handed the phone back to her, he gave verbal instructions, and thankfully, another nurse stepped in at that point!  This nurse was much more pleasant, thank God.  But rest assured, I have reported the offending nurse, and the supervisor of the recovery department called to express her disappointment of the nurse’s ill-treatment toward me and to reassure me that this would be addressed right away.

I am now on day 10 post-op, and things have been so much better than I imagined before surgery.  While my pre-surgery jitters were warranted, the doctor and God have seen to it that my recovery has been as pain-free as possible.   The doctor even said that night on the phone in recovery that I did not even sound like someone who had JUST had surgery a few hours before.  I told him he was amazing and thanked him for all he did to ensure a successful surgery with very little pain afterwards, (as in the pre-op appointment, he described several methods he uses so the nerves don’t realize they’ve even been cut; therefore, it lessens the pain factor!).

At my post-op appointment, the doctor walked into the room to find me smiling and joking with my husband who was standing next to me.  The doctor smiled, the asked, “Did you even HAVE surgery?”  I hesitated for a moment thinking, “Surely he is joking, he remembers since he just did the surgery six days ago, right??”  The doctor continued by saying, “I mean really, you look amazing.  Are you putting on, or is this real?”     When I assured him it was real, he said, “You are our poster child now for this procedure!  Anyone that needs to have this should speak to you because you are doing wonderfully, better than we all expected!”  The doctor then went on to review the pathology report and go over the pictures he took before and after the surgery.   When he reassured me that his findings, although a shocking discovery once inside, were all NON-CANCEROUS, I sighed as I said, “Thank God … Thank you, God!”  My doctor smiled, signaling his approval.       

If you have read all of this, thank you.  And if you have been with me from the very start upon discovering that I required surgery, my heart thanks you for the support, encouragement, love and all of your prayers!  God heard them, and I felt them!  Please continue to pray as my temperature has been elevated since having the surgery.  The doctor and I have monitored it, and if it goes up to 100.4, I am to call them right away.  Please pray that things continue to go smoothly, that my body temperature will lower as my healing progresses nicely, and all will be right in my world again!

Much love to one and all!  Blessings to you as we enter this new year … and I pray health upon you and your family, as well as mine.