Light, Love, Hope

As the weather turns colder, we seem to get more calls in our line of business.  Providing individualized care to each family we serve is our top priority.  In doing so, it requires us to be available during evening hours, overnight, as well as on weekends.

This particular weekend, I worked Saturday and Sunday to help assist with services and with the families.  Sunday, we were so busy that we didn’t get lunch until 3:15 p.m.

As we sat in the front office eating lunch, a lady appeared in my doorway.  Inside, I cringed, as our previous encounter was less than desirable.  This lady had gotten upset due to a misunderstanding, and she really showed out in my office a few months back.  I tried to handle this adversity with grace, but the kinder and more apologetic I was, over an error that wasn’t even mine, the harsher and more verbally abusive she became!    As you can imagine, after 15 minutes of taking this, I finally told her that I did not deserve to be beat over this.

Our confrontation from months ago remained fresh in my mind, but I smiled and said, “Hey there, come on in.”  She smiled back at me as she walked closer to my desk.  She paused for a moment before she began.

“I’m so glad you’re here.  I wanted to come apologize to you face to face for my behavior a few months ago.  I’m sure you remember.  I don’t know what came over me, I’m normally not like that, and I apologize.  There was no excuse for my behavior, and I am very sorry.” 

Wow!

I did not even hesitate when I said, “That really means a lot to me.  Thank you so much.”

My boss, needing to be present for the next service and also feeling more than a little uncomfortable at that point, excused himself at that time.

I rose from my chair as I added, “I smell like food, but I’m going to hug you!”

As I placed my arms around her shoulders, I could feel her become emotional in my embrace.  As I pulled away and smiled at her, tears filled her eyes as she said again, “I am truly sorry.” 

We talked for a few minutes more before she turned to leave, pausing once more to say again how sorry she was.  I tried to reassure her that everything was okay, and all was forgiven.

After she left, my boss made his way back to the office.  A wide smile formed across his red, wind chapped face, as he said, “Shirley … a few months ago when she was in here, you extended grace even when she was not seemingly deserving of it.  What you did was just like in the bible.  When you face adversity and yet extend grace, it is like heaping hot coals onto their heads.  That is what you did, and it bothered her all this time!” 

Then he turned on his heels and headed back to the service.

Sometimes when you’re going through hard things in life, your friends simply cannot handle it.  Maybe you’re too much for them.  Maybe they expect sunshine and rainbows, but you’re cloudy on most days due to everything you’re dealing with.  If they only want you around when you’re smiling and happy, then they aren’t the friends for you.  Realistically, no one will be smiling and happy 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year.  If someone expects this from you, RUN!!!!!

I want real friends.

The type that will rally around you on your darkest days, holding you up if need be, but never letting you think for one minute that you have to face this alone.

Real friends who dry your tears and some times cry with you.

Friends who wrap their arms around you and let you know that it’s going to be okay. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow.  But at some point, things are going to get better!

I do not want “friends” that are only in this for what they can gain.  An example is a male “friend” trying to “be there” for me in hopes that he’ll “score” at some point.  No, I’m sorry, but THAT is, first of all, uncalled for, and secondly, NOT being a FRIEND at all!!!  While I believe that some men can actually be friends with women, not all are seeking friendship!  That has been made painfully clear to me by a person making suggestive remarks on how we could “get down” after the surgery.  This should come as no surprise, though, as they’re constantly posting inappropriate pictures and sexual related material on their pages.

I also do not want “friends” who are only interested in gathering information so they can gossip about me. I have little desire to be the topic of conversation or your bashing sessions.

Silence.

That’s what is felt when you realize your so-called-friends are not really and truly what you need in life.

Maybe they fall silent hoping you’ll run after them.  Once you notice they’ve withdrawn, maybe they’re hoping you’ll prove how much you want this friendship by chasing after them to come back, be the friend you need … but that isn’t a true friend either, especially when you’re already going through so much!  Why should you have to chase after someone at a time like this?  You shouldn’t!

LET THEM GO!!!

Or maybe you’re the one that has fallen silent, feeling as if they aren’t the ones you need in your corner anyway due to the lack of compassion and understanding they’ve exhibited thus far.

I’ll admit, I’ve been the one recently to fall silent with a few people.  And I do not feel bad about it.

I’ve gone on and on about so-called-friends.  Now allow me to share regarding the real friends in my life.

I’ve been completely humbled by the outpouring of love and prayers from a few select people who had an inside look into what I’ve been struggling with.  These people prayed for me, genuine, heartfelt prayers from their lips to God’s ears begging for some relief of what I’ve been going through.  They went further from prayers and checking in with me to offering money when the insurance denied the appeal for the surgical procedure I so needed in order to find relief.  Fearing the worst, knowing I needed the surgery, yet the insurance was appealing, they were willing to fund my surgical procedure!  I didn’t ask … they offered … and my heart was overwhelmed with emotions as I cried at my desk the day they so unselfishly offered.  Now, thankfully, the medicine has started working while the doctors submit the results of the tests the insurance company required, and we wait for their grand approval this time.  But just knowing the offer was sincere and that they would be willing to do this for me, for my health and happiness, I was tremendously  moved by their heart’s desire to help me in any way, even if that meant digging deep into their own pockets.

Those are the friends I want in my corner.

Not the ones that see or hear that I’m upset or having a rough time so they shy away.  Not the ones that tell me to pull myself up by my boot straps when I’ve been prescribed anti-depressants, anti-anxiety medicine, and pain medicine.  That should be a clue that it’s something bigger going on here than just needing to think positive!

I’m sure at some point, they will wonder when they “hear” my silence loud and clear.  It is my hope that they will examine themselves and improve so they can be there in the future for someone else in need.

They won’t need to worry about me.  If they can’t be bothered with me now, then let my silence speak.