Light, Love, Hope

Do you ever wonder why you bother with some people?  No matter how hard you try, nothing you say or do seems good enough for them.  You won’t make them happy no matter what you do.  They are bound and determined to look down their noses at you regardless, so leave them to their miserable selves then!

A person chooses to be this way.

They are given the same opportunity we all are;  24 hours in a day to enjoy to the fullest.  Instead, what they do is complain, find fault, and surely cannot ever look in the mirror to see what role they are playing in all of this.  It’s always someone else … never them.  For they can never do any wrong.  Hardly!  What they fail to see is what is so painfully obvious to those around them!

It is okay to distance yourself from people like this.  Do NOT feel any guilt whatsoever when you finally put those boundaries in place either.  It’s a completely healthy thing to distance yourself from those who only wish to hurt you with what they say and do.

My daughter has had to learn this lesson the hard way.  She’s been hurt through the years, and her heart tried to forgive and go back for more each time.  The assaults the people launched on her heart was too great, though, and as she reached adulthood, she hung out the “Do Not Disturb” sign and has had zero contact with those who shattered her self worth and self confidence for years.  When she was a vulnerable child and teenager, when those people should have protected her from evil, they were the very ones launching their attacks on her.  It was hard to sit back and watch this happening knowing there wasn’t anything I could do to help her.  I tried, oh Lord how I tried to talk sense into these people, but it fell on deaf ears each and every time.  The result?  She has cut them out of her life.  THEY are the ones that are missing out.  Honestly.  They don’t get to see the once caterpillar now turned into this absolutely gorgeous butterfly spread her wings and fly high.  They missed out on important events in her life when they should have been celebrating HER but instead chose to berate her to the point she wanted nothing more to do with them.    It broke this mother’s heart watching it all unfold, but I could not be more proud of the woman she has become.  She finally realized her worth and said, “Enough is enough!  I will NOT be mistreated like this ANY more by them.”

What she did was extremely mature and healthy, and I applaud her for the boundaries she put in place with those that once tried to rip her to shreds with their words and actions.  I know first hand how that feels as I was once their target as well.  I chose not to use the term “victim” because I will NOT allow myself to be a victim, not with them or any one.

In the end, they are the losers.  I firmly believe this with everything that I am.

They won’t get to celebrate with her when she gets her degree, and they will not be present when she walks down the aisle to marry the love of her life.  They won’t participate in any aspect of her life unless she has a tremendous change of heart toward the offenders.

It’s sad, too.  Because they lose.  They have lost for years now, but they probably have been too self absorbed to realize it.  Yet, as time marches on and they are not allowed to be a part of her life, they will be filled with regret.  I believe at some point, whether they want to admit it or not, it will finally hit them.    And they will realize much too late that they really were the biggest losers here.

It’s so hard to invite people into our lives.  We fear we will be judged.

We often wonder, “Will they find out just how weird I am and run away, or will they embrace it because they are uniquely weird in their own way, too?” 

“Will they look down their noses at us for not having our lives perfectly in order, or will they take our hands as we try to figure this thing called life out together?”

There are so many unknowns when you meet someone for the first time.

I will never forget being new to my current job and feeling like I was being examined under a microscope.  They were watching me to see how I’d fit in with the flow of the office and with the families we serve, and I was testing the waters to see how I’d like it also being new to the industry.

It is hard being new to any industry, I’ll admit.  Some welcomed me with open arms and helped me learn the trade.  Others snubbed me, talked down to me, and just treated me poorly because they were friends with the lady that left this position.  While it was her choice to leave, it afforded me the opportunity to take charge and run this office in an orderly fashion; something it was lacking before.  My boss even had to call one person down with how they were speaking to me because it was anything but professional.  I totally “get” the loyalty they felt toward the lady that held this position previously.  They felt justified in their ill-treatment of me, yet they never gave me a chance to prove myself before automatically assuming I couldn’t possibly excel in this position.

But you know what?  I have.

Everything I have learned, I have had to learn the hard way.  There wasn’t a manual to go by, no clear-cut instructions left behind so I could fall right into this position fully equipped.  Nope.  I had to re-invent the wheel.  But I did it.

There was one gentleman that made me extremely nervous, though.  He came into my office one day, chewing on a tooth pick, as he turned a swivel chair around in front of my desk facing the window.  As he plopped down I thought, “Oh great, I’m being evaluated again.  I wonder if he plans on mistreating me, too, just because I’m so new.”   The entire time he sat there, I was nervously anticipating something that never happened.  Instead of being mean to me, he actually kept me company when I was alone in the office that day.  Much to my surprise, he seemed to be looking out for me by not allowing me to be by myself in the office, just in case someone came in off the street to cause me harm.

Do you know what happened as a result of that “evaluation?”  This gentleman and I became friends.  We have to work so close together as it is, so it definitely makes it more pleasant not to be at odds with each other.  We’ve invited the other to take a glimpse into our lives.  We took what could have been an uncomfortable situation and turned it into a positive working relationship.  He still teases me relentlessly now, but I give it right back to him.

Now after a year and a half, I think I have proven myself, to those that truly matter anyway.  And I’m thankful for the coworkers who have turned into great friends.

Words have such power.  They have the ability to lift someone up or bring them to their knees.  Keep that in mind when deciding on how you will use them.

For me, the written word brings forth healing.  It enables a look deep within my soul, a place that is often reserved for a select few.

Recently, my friend discovered the therapeutic benefits of writing on a blog similar to that of my own.  Having faced a tragic loss with delivering a stillborn baby girl, she needed an outlet, so she turned to writing.  At first, she spoke of her gut wrenching heartbreak, pain, and her faith in God that saw her through.  Now, surprisingly, she just shared her incredibly happy news in becoming a foster mom!  It has been a privilege to read, witness her story, and share in her newfound joy!  Thank you, Lord, for how you are working in her life!

Yet another friend decided to start her own blog as a way to share her sense of humor as she embraces life with a newborn.   Just today she shared how she could have sworn she heard her daughter crying right when she turned the water on in the shower.  Yet, when she turned it off, the baby wasn’t crying at all.  So, she turned it back on, and sure enough, the crying baby noise returned to haunt her.  I smiled reading her words as I can completely relate to this and more as a new mother myself all those years ago.

Whether it’s deep, gripping pain you need to release or witty humor you feel lead to share, use the written word to express yourself.

Your words can be used to express so many deep, overwhelming emotions.  When it’s hardest to speak those words, let me encourage you to write them out.  Share the contents of your heart.  There are those around you who need to hear how you feel about them.  They long for your sweet words that will reach right in and touch their very soul.   Don’t allow yourself to close the entire world out and become unfeeling. Stop holding back words that have the potential to bless someone’s heart.

Whether with pen and paper, with a blog at your disposal, or with the use of your cell phone, write your heart out and allow it to be a blessing to all who read it!