Light, Love, Hope

It seems a little too soon to celebrate after losing someone so close to our hearts this week.  Yet, it is my sweet mother’s birthday today.  She is turning 70 years old, and she deserves to have a celebration of her life.

She hasn’t always had an easy life.  Growing up, it was hard what all she endured.  The stories she has told in the past make me happy that I grew up with parents like her and my daddy.   They were high school sweethearts, although my dad admits when he first saw her, he thought she was ugly.  Then, the next year, she wore her hair differently, and he fell completely head over heels in love with her.  Her sister really wanted him, but my mom won the prize.  ~Smile~  They married and went on to have two beautiful daughters.  They struggled some in life and in their marriage, but if we’re honest, we all do at some point or another.  They lost their oldest daughter in 2001 when tragedy struck.  Life hasn’t been the same since.  My mom continues to press on despite the pain, and most days, you will find her smiling, joking, and digging around in my candy dish when she comes to my house.  Fishing out the good ole Dove chocolate, she, then, turns to my refrigerator to snack on some cheese.  She knows I’ll always have a good supply of both chocolate and cheese at my house.  It’s a running joke now as soon as she hits my house, she’ll hit up my candy and cheese, but that’s okay.  A woman of 70 years old can do whatever her little heart desires.  She’s earned that right!  And we just smile.

After the week we’ve just spent burying my mother-in-law, it makes us want to cling tighter to the loved ones that are still here with us.  We don’t want our love to become suffocating, but we want them to know, now more than ever, how much we truly love and appreciate them.

During my mother-in-law’s illness, a lot of things got pushed aside while we focused on her.  I was fearful that while our focus was on her, we’d lose valuable time with others.  I prayed nothing happened to anyone in my family when I was so distant with them during that time.  I wasn’t cold at all toward them, yet I wasn’t as close as my heart desired to be with them since I was spending so much time helping my mother-in-law and helping my husband through these months leading up to her death.

I thank God that I can now shift my focus back to my family; that they’re still here for me to do this with.  They understand, and they don’t have any ill feelings at all.  They would never be that way about it.  My dad lost his mom a few, short years ago, and the pain is so new even still.  So he, of all people, understands.

When you think about it, my mother has lived a long life!  She’s 70 years old!  She has out lived her own mother and her siblings, as they passed at an earlier age.  I thank God that my mother is still here for us to celebrate with!  And, I beg God for more time with both of my parents. Please, God.  Please!

Ah, yes.  A celebration of life will take place today.  Unlike the celebration of life that occurred three days ago when we attended my mother-in-law’s funeral, today we will celebrate the life of a beautiful soul that will be smiling back at us from across the table.  She’ll joke with us, she’ll laugh, and we will soak up every single moment with her feeling ever so thankful that she’s here.  We can hug her close to us, and we will!

Thank you, God, for 70 years of my mother being on this earth.  I pray for many, many more years with this beautiful woman!

Happy birthday, Mama.  We love you so very much.

The Five Minute Friday word for this week is More.

And so, I set my timer and begin.

My mother-in-law passed away Tuesday, April 25, 2017,  after battling cancer for eight months.  She put on a brave face as she endured chemo and radiation, only to find that she was not able to tolerate chemo after all.  Thus, it was discontinued in October of 2016.

We had a nice Thanksgiving and Christmas with her, and shortly after the new year, we visited with her before she started to go downhill.  Leaving the cancer untreated only allowed it to travel to other areas in her body, ultimately consuming her.

Her body weakened, and we were told to prepare for the worst.  I’ll never forget her turning to us during one of her many hospital visits and saying, “I thought I had more time.”  

When my oldest daughter visited with her alone in her hospital room, she begged her to pray.  My daughter assured her that she would, as my mother-in-law told her she was not ready to go yet.

She fought hard and did not give up easily, as she wanted to be here for the birth of her great grandson.  And God allowed this, as he was born in late March.  She held him, although in a very frail state at that point.  They placed him on her lap, and he stretched out across her in her hospital bed.

We were not ready to let her go this week.  We wanted more time with her.  One more day … one more warm embrace … one more “I love you” … Not in the shape she was in, though, but when she was well and whole.  We realize that while she may be gone from our sight right now, she is dancing with Jesus in Heaven right along with her loved ones that went on before her.  No more cancer and no more pain, as she was given a new body in Christ.

While there won’t be any more time granted to us this side of Heaven, we will treasure the time God did allow us to have with her.  And, we will hug those around us a little tighter, love deeper, and carry her memory with us always.

Her final wish was to have her family reunited.  There was a great division in the family for years, and it worried her so.  Finally, she can rest in peace knowing we’re trying to honor her wish.  That is the only good thing to come from this situation.

My mother-in-law is not well.  As a matter of fact, recently, the doctors only gave her two weeks to live if she did not have an operation on her blocked kidneys.  She was in pain from the cancer inside of her addominal cavity, but the pain was compounded by the inability to relieve herself.  They decided to go forward with the procedure, and she has two tubes remaining at his point coming out of her back.   They are going in today to replace the tubes with shunts to keep the flow open from her kidneys to her bladder.

No one likes to talk about death or dying.  Yet, it is necessary at a time like this.  We want to make sure she receives the best care at this time, as well as when her time comes and she passes from this world.

Last week, my father-in-law pulled up outside of the funeral home I work for and sat in his car waiting on my husband to arrive.  Together they planned on making the arrangements so that when she passes from this world, they will not have to deal with details during their grief.  Before my husband’s arrival, I walked outside to greet my father-in-law.  He looked at me in a silent protest, unwilling to get out of his vehicle.  After a few moments, I talked him into coming inside where he could sit more comfortably on the couch in the lobby while I fixed him a hot cup of coffee.  He smiled weakly as he reached for the door with trembling hands.  It took a minute for him to be surefooted enough to make those steps into the funeral home.  Once inside, my husband joined him, along with one of our funeral directors, to begin the arrangements.

In times like these, I have often wondered where we go after we pass.  Do we go straight to Heaven?  Are we sleeping until Christ comes back during the resurrection when we will rise to join Him?

I found this article that helped answer some of these questions, and I’d like to share it with you now.  Click here to read more over at Desiring God’s website.