I believe we all try to be good people. We extend kindness and grace to others freely. We try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Some times, though, when there seems to be distance and silence in return, we are left to our own devices. With this, we don’t know what’s “really” going on. We are just left with our thoughts to piece it all together in our minds. What happens when we thought we knew something about a situation or a person, and later it is revealed that we got it all wrong?
If this has ever happened to you, I’m sure tears welled up inside of you and your throat tightened as the dam burst giving way to the floodwaters. We grasp at making sense of the incomprehensible. Why didn’t they talk to me? Why wasn’t I viewed as a safe person for them to come to in their time of need? Why did they put distance and let silence speak louder than any words at that point?
Pride?
Embarrassment?
I’m not quite sure, but it hurts when it is revealed that you were not the safe place to land for this individual. It floors you when the truth is revealed, and you question why you didn’t see it before. Because they kept it hidden and didn’t want it revealed at that time to you.
It’s like an onion. When you start peeling back the layers, there’s more tears as you discover more that was once hidden.
The harsh truth is you missed the mark. You were so wrong. In your mind, you thought you “knew.” Then you are devastated to learn the truth behind the distance. You realize they smiled through the pain they were experiencing when life took a turn they didn’t expect.
Everyone wants to succeed in life, and we don’t like when anything threatens our success. Whether it’s unexpected expenses that drain your bank account or realizing your paycheck doesn’t stretch quite as far as you once thought. You end up living paycheck to paycheck only to realize you run out of money before you run out of month.
It’s hard struggling like this. Once upon a time, I was a single mother in this situation. I was determined to make it, and I knew with God by my side, I WOULD. Fast forward a few years, and here I am. I made it! What the enemy tried to steal from me, God gave me back MORE, just as His word says He would. He did, indeed.
If we put our trust in Him, He will NOT leave you nor forsake you. Even when we get it all wrong. Even when we didn’t mean to, but we caused more harm with our “false narratives” we were left to interpret the situation with when there was no conversation. Silence does a number on you when you’re left inside of your own thoughts and mind. Often times in situations like this, our thoughts turn dark and negative. We can’t understand what’s happening, and in our mind, we end up thinking the worst. When you look in the mirror and take a good long look only to reveal the person in the mirror looking back at you may have been the problem. Ouch! That’s a tough one.
No one is obligated to reveal what they are going through in life. Some people, like myself, have learned to be careful who you vent to because some people love to see you miserable. They will take your heart to heart talk and run away to tell the first available listening ear all of your business. You guard your heart and tongue. You won’t let anyone in, and you build a wall ensuring you keep others out. Sometimes, though, you NEED to let people know what’s going on so they can help you. This is hard for us all. When you’re sitting in your dining room writing out your income and your bills realizing you will be eating grits for the next two weeks, you don’t want to speak those words to anyone. Yet, if people had known, they would have stepped up to ensure you had more to nourish your body to keep working for your little family. When you don’t let people know there’s a need – due to pride or embarrassment or just determination that “this is my little family and I’m responsible for making it work” – there’s no way to have that need met!
Deep breath.
Forgive yourself. You did NOT know. Had you known, you wouldn’t have thought those negative thoughts nor said the things you did.
What you can do now is extend grace to the person looking back at you in the mirror. The one that cries in the shower due to the struggles that went on that you are just learning about.
Go easy on yourself. Pray for God to meet the other needs that are unspoken that you know nothing about. Because if this was hidden, you know there’s more to the layer of onion that just hasn’t been peeled back yet.
And you extend LOVE and KINDNESS to yourself for you did not know.
Now dry your eyes, turn it – and them – over to God. He can do what YOU cannot.
Trust in Him to meet every need in His time.
I’m living proof – He will give you back more than the enemy tried to steal from you. In His Time.
