By now you have probably heard about the book entitled The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. Have you read it? If not, you really should! This book will help you speak your loved one’s language.
We all have different things that speak to us and make us feel loved. What works for us may not work for our spouse. We get into trouble a lot of times when we do for them what we think they’d like, when in actuality, we are doing for them things that we, ourselves, would like.
In just a minute, I will give you an example. But first, allow me to point out the five basic love languages as Dr. Chapman talks about in his book. They are as follows:
1. Words of Affirmation – Do you like it when people praise you and say nice things about you?
2. Acts of Service – Do you enjoy when someone does something for you?
3. Receiving Gifts – Does it speak to your heart when someone gives you a gift?
4. Quality Time – The others may be nice, but do you enjoy just spending time together with the one you love?
5. Physical Touch – A hug and a kiss can really be mood enhancers, and we’re not even talking about anything sexual at this point. Do you enjoy sweet caresses on your arm or having him reach for your hand over any of the above?
Pssst … if you are unsure of what your primary love language is, you can take the quiz on Dr. Chapman’s website. Click here to be taken to his site.
If your spouse has the primary love language of physical touch, and yet you buy her gifts instead of holding her hand, putting your arms around her, etc. then you will NOT be filling up her love tank. Gifts are nice, and while I’m sure she’ll appreciate that you thought of her, you won’t score as many points with her as you would if you just caressed her cheek or pulled her close to you.
Where we get into trouble is when we take our primary love language and use it on our spouse. For example, if my husband’s primary love language is words of affirmations, but I choose to display my love for him by doing an act of service instead like washing his car, it just will not deposit that much into his love bank. While I’m sure he’ll appreciate the sparkling car and the “new car” scent of the air freshener I’ve sprayed inside, it just would not have the same affect as it would have if I had stopped for a moment and told him how great of a provider I think he is for our family. I have to realize the impact I would have on him if I spoke directly to his heart through my words of affirmation and praise for him. If I sincerely speak of my admiration and appreciation for all he does for his family and speak of how he provides for us, his love tank would be so full to the point of overflowing!
If all of this seems foreign to you, consider grabbing a copy of Dr. Chapman’s book to read in further detail. OR, visit his website to take the quiz to find out your love language. What would be even better is if you AND your spouse took the quiz and shared your findings with each other. This way, it isn’t a guessing game any longer. You will KNOW what your spouse likes. Then, make it your goal to do everything within your power to fill up their love tanks!
It’s the month of love! What better time to discover your spouse’s love language and start speaking their language?
Note: If you have already discovered your spouse’s love language but would like to better know how to relate to your children, Dr. Chapman also has a book that discusses the Five Love Languages of Children and Teens as well! Check both of them out! You can also read our thoughts as we reviewed the teen book previously on our blog and dug deep into each specific love language.
It is so important to let your children and teens know that they are loved. Get to reading so you can speak their language, too!