If recent years have taught us anything, it is the threat of losing someone we love in an instant is ever-present.  From school shootings to Covid-19, our safety is not guaranteed.

We send our children to school with a hug, kiss, and “Have a nice day, I love you …” not knowing if they will return home that evening with the way the world is today.

Fear struck upon learning of the Covid-19 virus, we scurry off to the nearest pharmacy for a vaccine, then another, and another.  We are seeking guaranteed protection from this virus.  Yet, many still fall ill.

Then there are those set against the vaccine altogether for fear of what it will do to the human race.  Others speak of population control via the vaccine, and those who took it pray this isn’t the end result.

Even meeting people on the internet carries a certain threat as we spoke about here a few days ago.  However, the greatest “takeaway” message here is NOT to live in fear.  Be aware, be informed, and take action, yes!  All of those!  But don’t live in fear.

Instead, make memories!

Share laughter, even heartache, and pain, with people you KNOW love you and have your best interest in their hearts.

Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there for fear of being turned away or pushed aside.  Sometimes, you have to take risks for the most beautiful things to occur in life!  Had I allowed myself to stay sheltered, I would not have met the wonderful people I have in my life right now!  Truly, I would have missed out on lifetime friendships and the most precious memories we made together!

Take the pictures, participate in the silliness, and throw your head back in the biggest belly laugh possible.

Live!

Enjoy life!

Find YOUR people!

Putting yourself out there carries some risks, yes, but ahhh, the beautiful memories we would have missed if we hadn’t.  I’m satisfied with the choices I made and the results in a billion memories and more to reflect back on, with more yet to be made!

Quite often, I have been referred to as the “picture queen” by my friends and family.  It’s a long, known fact that any time I am around, a TON of picture-taking will ensue.  My family will sometimes groan loudly when they see the camera come out, and then silliness will follow.  I end up taking several pictures trying to get “the” best shot because of their shenanigans.

Then the questions start, “WHY do you take soooooo many pictures?!”

Because I am a memory saver.  That’s what I do!

I take so many pictures because I want to look back fondly on those memories in years to come.  I want to relive those moments, and in flipping through old pictures, I am allowed to take a step back in time to reminisce.

This has been so important to me through the years because of the family and friends we have lost along the way.  I don’t want to ever “wish” I could see their face again.  I want to surround myself with pictures of them so I can forever look back at the times we were happy together.

Long after a person has passed away, I want their memory alive in the stories we share about them. I want them to live on through us and the pictures we took.

Memories are so special to me, and I want to safeguard them!  That’s why I write on this blog as well.  I pray there is never a time when my memory fails me.  I don’t want dementia or Alzheimers to take me away from my family.  I want my memory to be as clear and vivid as the day we shared special events and happenings together.  I want to preserve as much here as I can for my daughters, should they wish to read my words one day.

With all I’ve posted thus far about meeting someone online and then meeting them in person, we do still need to consider the danger that exists in our world today.  Just this weekend, I read about a woman meeting a man online and taking it further by meeting in person.  In this instance, as the article read, there was alcohol and drugs involved, and an argument soon enraged the couple.  This story had a tragic ending as the man violently took the woman’s life!

In another article I read, a 76-year-old man posted an ad for a puppy he was selling.  Someone reached out to him, and an agreement was made between the two parties to meet at a restaurant.  There, they would exchange the money for the puppy.  Sadly, the individual shot the man, leaving him for dead, and fled with the puppy!

When we decided to take our friendship outside of the “box” (our computers) and meet “in the real world,” we did so after MANY years of friendship.  We knew each other because we shared intimate details of our lives.  We shared our deepest, darkest secrets and fears.  Every trial we faced was shared, and our friends rallied around us to offer support and encouragement.  Happiness and good times were shared also through the years.  But my point is the YEARS of our friendship ensured our safety when we finally met in person.

Be wary of those you meet online, yes!  You can never be too careful here.  But also know that not everyone on the internet is out to get you or cause you harm.  There are good, honest people out there, just like my friends and I.

Debbie’s family kept us updated.  Honestly, with the herbal and oil treatments, her prognosis didn’t look good.  Even still, we vowed to support her and her choices in how she wanted to tackle this dreaded disease.  We often wonder if things would have been different had changes occurred to her treatment early on.  Traditional methods to treat breast cancer may have saved her life.

Our friend was so young.  If memory serves me correctly, she was only 59 years old.  It’s sad thinking of something invading our sweet Debbie’s body and her not seeking life-saving treatment.

As her days grew short, her family informed us of the likelihood of Debbie slipping away.  Sylvia and I were closest, so we decided to visit again.

I can still see Debbie laying in the hospital bed in her living room. She was still somewhat aware of what was taking place around her.  We took her flowers, and although she couldn’t say much that was audible, she showed expression in her eyes.

We held her hand knowing that would be the very last time.  We walked toward the door, glanced back over our shoulder at Debbie, and tried to hold back the tears as we walked to our vehicles.

Debbie passed away the next day.

Our friend, Vaughn, who we also met in the “lounge,” tried to get to the United States from New Zealand before Debbie passed away.  He was distraught when he learned of her passing.  He promised he would visit her, and he held on to that promise.  Choking back tears, he was heartbroken at not making it before the inevitable happened.

In the days following, he did, indeed, keep his word.  He flew to the United States where Sylvia and I met him in Georgia.  We took Vaughn to meet Debbie’s husband, Ray, and then on to her final resting place.  Vaughn placed flowers at her grave site and spent some time there.  Although this is not the way he wanted to “visit,” he was an honorable man.  A man of his word.

One particular evening, one of our online friends posed a hypothetical question to us asking our opinion.

“What would you say if someone was diagnosed with breast cancer, yet did not choose traditional medicine to treat it?”

Those tiny black words displayed on a white computer screen leaped out at me.  (While these may not have been the exact words used, they were very similar.)

Something didn’t feel right about the question when it was asked.  Immediately, we started consulting with each other in our group trying to decipher why this was asked.  Later, we learned the question was because of what our friend was facing.  We knew she believed in herbal treatments and using essential oils.  The thought of this scared us when she announced her plans to treat breast cancer this way.

We all “met” online in that same lounge.  While we talked about meeting in person through the years, we all had families and different responsibilities that prevented it.  Until now.  Sensing the urgency and knowing our friend needed us to rally around her, our beautiful friend, Betty, started putting the plan into action.  She and her daughter were going to make the long trek from Oklahoma to Georgia to meet our friend, Debbie.  Meanwhile, my daughter and I planned to travel from South Carolina to Georgia.  Our other friend, Sylvia, and her son were driving from Alabama to Georgia.  We found a weekend that would work for us all, booked the hotel rooms, and then surprised Debbie with our plans.  This gave us all something to look forward to, and it brought some happiness into Debbie’s life.

Finally, the weekend of our trip arrived, and we shared pictures along the way of us in our cars with the biggest smiles on our faces.  It was happening!  We were finally meeting after ALL of these years!

Betty made it to Debbie’s house first, and I was second to arrive.  I will forever treasure the memory of seeing Debbie step out of her house with the widest smile.  I remember scrambling to get out of the car and running with my arms in the air straight to her squealing like a schoolgirl the entire way!  My daughter took pictures of this exchange as we hugged each other tight!  Then we stepped inside where I’m sure I did the same thing when I went to hug Betty!  Sylvia arrived later, and the same hugs were exchanged then, too.  The joy that flowed from us all was beyond measure.  This was the moment we had ALL been waiting for!

It was really happening!!

I was there with some of my best friends in the entire world meeting them for the very first time!!  It was incredibly sad it was under these circumstances, but we tried to push that out of our minds that weekend and just enough each other’s company.  We laughed so much our sides hurt as we soaked up every minute we could with our sweet Debbie.  It was truly a wonderful weekend spent together.  We shared some precious memories!  Memories I will treasure for all time.

This group of ladies left such an impression on me!  With the many years we had remained friends since our “lounge” days, I knew they had hearts as big as the universe.  Meeting them in person cemented this in my mind.  I have forever been changed by the love this group of ladies has shown to me and the love I witnessed that weekend in how they cared for and loved on our friend, Debbie.

From the time we get up in the morning until we go to bed, we have things pulling on us.  There are multiple deadlines that need to be met, and everyone seems to want something from us.  We feel overwhelmed at times and wish for some quiet time.  When we are finally afforded the opportunity and the house is silent, do we enjoy it?  Or do we end up feeling lonesome?

We spend the majority of our time at work with mere acquaintances.  Throughout the day our hearts may long for our loved ones, but we are surrounded by chaos at work.  We just need a minute!  Until we don’t …

Silence can be deafening to those who do not like to be alone with their thoughts.  I’ve been there with hours spent on the lawn mower reflecting on things in my life.  For me, I was lonesome without my daughter when she had to be away, and I welcomed her with open arms for “the biggest hug ever” every single time she returned home.  This was something we both looked forward to upon her return home, and she would run straight into my awaiting arms with the biggest smile on her face!

What a sweet reunion!

I can see her now with her golden locks bouncing as she scrambles out of the vehicle and clinches her fists as she starts to run.  Bright blue eyes widen in anticipation and an excited smile forms on her face.  She runs straight into my arms!  Giggling, I spin her around and tell her how much I love her!

That vision is as clear now as it was 20 years ago.

And yes, I was lonesome without the house full of laughter from my firstborn baby girl.

Eight years later, her sister joined us!  We were so overjoyed when God allowed our little miracle baby to come into this world.  What a blessing both of our daughters have been and always will be!  Now our daughters will have a forever friend in each other as sisters!   When once I worried about my oldest walking alone in life, I no longer had to think of that.  She and her sister now have each other, and I rest in the reassurance of this for them both.  I know how much my sister meant to me, and I am thankful knowing despite the eight years between them, they are close!  They have each other!

Ah, but my youngest was, indeed, lonesome when her big sister had to go away every other weekend.  We tried to fill the void until her playmate returned home.  They would play fight with each other or even sometimes temporarily be mad at each other for taking something out of their rooms.  This was quickly forgiven, and all was right in their worlds again as they giggled and played together once more.

Both girls knew of my online friends and eventually spent time with them in person as well.  Later, they, too, developed friendships with people they met online.  When once they may have tried to fill the void and loneliness they felt at various times by occupying themselves online, the friendships grew until they became the very best of friends.  I have been present when my daughters met their online friends for the very first time in person!  In fact, I videoed both times they met their online friends for the very first time.

The world wide web can be a very useful tool, indeed!

Finding people that “get” you is hard in the real world.  On the rare occasion that you do find someone you immediately click with, you treasure that!  You realize it is truly a gift.

Imagine the surprise when genuine friendships were formed and bonds made that span 20 plus years!  What a blessing having found that in these beautiful people I met “online.”  They weren’t scary after all.  Instead, they were the best friends I never knew I needed in life, until we found each other in an online forum.

It takes a bold move to put yourself out there.  You hope by putting on a brave face you will be accepted and in turn have a friend walk alongside you in life.  Shyknight took that step, despite his reservations in doing so.  Likeminded people did the same, and we soon found forever friends in each other.

One post intrigued us, and that post lead to nights of playful bantering back and forth among people we would soon call friends.

A phone call placed lead to hours of laughter.

An extended invitation lead to days of fun adventures together in another state!

I was invited into “his” world and took another flight to Illinois!  The sweet Southern Belle was like a fish out of water any time she opened her mouth on this trip.  A trip to Shyknight’s workplace lead to individuals asking questions JUST to hear the southern accent and southern drawl.  This one lady did not even try to disguise her laughter as she admitted wishing to hear more as I floundered around trying not to act as awkward as I felt.

We have had many visits since then.  One visit stands out especially in my mind as I reflect back fondly on the evening we all spent together with his aunt.  She enjoyed playing games!  We gathered around her dining room table and filled several hours laughing and joking with each other.  My youngest daughter was soaking up every moment, taking breaks, of course, to play with his aunt’s dog, Toby.  On another occasion, we all went to dinner with his aunt.  It was an honor to be among his family and to have them become a part of my own!

Through the years, Shyknight became “Uncle Greg” to my daughters.  He has been a witness to important events in our lives such as the marriage of my oldest daughter to the love of her life just last year.

Who would have EVER thought that a chance meeting in an online forum would result in holidays spent together?

As expected, the moderators in our online oasis started cracking down due to our playful antics.  They could not continue to allow the madness that was taking over.  They insisted we stick to the topics at hand and only post about “that” subject matter.  Our joking around in there was to come to a complete halt.  We were to remain on topic, strictly business.

Where’s the fun in that?!

And … our involvement there began to decline as we took our friendships to another level.  Nightly chat sessions turned into phone conversations and eventually meeting in person.

That was a scary thought for my family, but not for me!

I had already been in battle throughout my separation and divorce.  Once shy, timid, and naive, I was forced to stand up for myself and fight, determined that evil would not prevail.  And … it didn’t in the end.  This role I was forced into as Warrioress has remained with me.  I quickly learned to fight and protect myself, taking a firm stand not only for myself but, most importantly, for my daughter.  Then, I set goals and developed new strengths along the way. Determination became my friend.

I was gifted a wonderful opportunity by a dear soul, one I simply could not pass up.  I remember the reaction when I announced my traveling plans to my family.  They were quite concerned. I had never traveled that far away from home before and never by airplane at that.  My family also was leery of meeting people on the internet and did not support my plans. They were so against it, they would not take me to the airport or see me off.  I remember feeling disappointed at their disapproval, especially to the point that they would not even see me off as I planned to travel across the map!  They were probably just as shocked and disappointed at my plans, though, as surely they felt I was in danger.  Just as determined as they were not to help me with this, I was even more determined to see it through.  I clearly was NOT passing up this opportunity of a lifetime!

I planned my adventure for when my daughter had to be away for a week.  Instead of allowing sadness to overwhelm me this time, I would be surrounded by love even in her absence, as I met some of my online friends for the very first time in person!  I packed my suitcase, threw it in the little blue Honda Civic, and set out for the airport all alone.  This Southern Belle was not letting anything stand in her way at this point.  Upon arrival at the airport, I found the long-term parking and made my way to the terminal and the counter for Delta Airlines.  I didn’t have time to feel anxious or nervous.  Looking back, my newfound freedom and independence were exhilarating!  I was no longer a prisoner, for I was free to explore and see the world!

Imagine me at 28 years old stepping foot on an airplane for the very first time as I embarked on a 14-hour trek to Anchorage, Alaska.  Back in those days, you were allowed to have people inside the airplane terminals seeing you off as you departed and greeting you as you arrived back home.  This was long before 9/11 happened, of course, when they had security measures, but they weren’t as tight as they are now.

As you can imagine, I had several layovers traveling from South Carolina to Alaska.  My online friends had become my family, and I had no inhibitions about meeting them at this point.  Excitement empowered me throughout this journey.

My first layover was in Atlanta, Georgia.  I was not even slightly concerned with the vastness of this airport or changing concourses.  Upon my arrival, my friend, known as Browneyes online and Tara in real life, was waiting for me at the gate.  What a breath of fresh air she truly was when I first laid eyes on her!  We hugged, and we both had the biggest smiles on our faces!  While I didn’t have a long layover here, I was thankful for the time spent with her.  She walked with me through the airport and sat with me chatting it up until time to board the next leg of my flight.  We said our goodbyes, and on to Salt Lake City, Utah, I went!

Imagine me, just a small-town girl, plastered to the airplane window looking out at the beauty I never knew existed!  All my life had been spent at that point in South Carolina, with occasional “mountain” trips to North Carolina.  I truly never knew there was this much beauty out there, until now!

The plane lowered, and pretty soon we rolled to a stop at the gate.  Gathering my belongings, I walked off the plane and into the airport where my friend Chris, known online as Stardust, was waiting for me with her beautiful family!  We were all smiling ear to ear and gave the biggest hugs before we walked to the next gate.  I had a longer layover here and was so thankful for the time spent with Chris and her family.  We shared so much online before meeting in person, so it was truly like spending the afternoon with an old friend.  We knew so much about each other and had helped each other through so many tough things in our lives up to that point.  She was such a beautiful free spirit, and my heart will always be thankful for having the opportunity to spend time with her and her family that day.  As I bid them farewell, I walked onto the airplane.

I managed to sleep a little on this leg of the trip.  Fully recharged, once again, I sat plastered to the window as the plane lowered and I started seeing more of God’s beautiful world.  I laugh now thinking of me calling the little mounds in North Carolina “mountains.”  I was overwhelmed with the beauty in Utah, but my eyes could not believe the natural beauty of Alaska seen only from the window seat on the airplane at this point.  I’m sure my mouth was agape as I sat amazed at what I was seeing below.  As we arrived at the gate, I deplaned to see my amazing friend, who made this all possible, standing there with flowers in hand just for little ole me!  We hugged, we squealed with delight, and then we walked out of the airport almost skipping to the car!

Alaska!

I was truly clear across the map from my hometown where nothing was familiar and everything was amazingly beautiful.  My eyes thought surely they were deceiving me as I gazed up at the humungous snow-capped mountains before me as we drove along the scenic highway.  I was in awe of God’s country and His creations!

I could not believe I was really in Alaska!  The entire day was surreal.  The thrill of meeting THREE of my online friends in person for the very first time was more than I could have ever imagined it would be!  But Alaska was a true adventure of a lifetime!!  I will forever be grateful for this trip and the opportunity of a lifetime to spend time with some of the incredible people I met online.

Imagine the “lounge” having cobblestone streets like those in historic downtown Charleston, South Carolina.  When you least expected it, The Mad Lurker would slowly crawl out of the cracks and crevices with his shenanigans.  Tiptoeing into each “room” of our online oasis, he would survey the conversation, and then BAM … insert a comment immediately resulting in chaos amongst the moderators!  Before long, all of the little village people joined in, and we were hooting and hollering.

Those were the good ole days!

Stepping out into the daylight, he removed the shiny armor that protected him so well, placing it on the ground.  Picking up the cape with TML embossed on it, he placed it over his shoulders and stood with his feet shoulder length apart, hands fully on his hips, and a black masquerade mask over his eyes.

Who was that masked man?

Ah … Sir Shyknight, of course!  For, he had taken on another persona in The Mad Lurker.  We always knew he had it in him.  His playful nature was allowed to come forth once he cast his inhibitions aside.

And, if I may, I’d like to go back to the alarming phone call at my place of work all those years ago.  Fogel placed the initial call, and maybe my memory wanted to remember it as Shyknight. Maybe the softspoken Southern Belle wanted it to be him on the other end of the line, thus the way my memory played tricks on me as I began to write.  But alas, I, too, took on another persona as I slipped out of my Antebellem dress, and placed my lace hankie on the dresser.  I stepped out into my boldness and became a warrioress.

As the gathering of online friends continued nightly, we found ourselves not caring what anyone outside of our group thought.  When once we were uncomfortable in real life around certain people, we now had our own group of friends who became more like family.  Weeks turned into months and months into years.  We knew without a doubt the loyalty of this group of friends.

Back to our online forum aka “lounge” days.

Sir Shyknight and his friend, Fogel, finally felt comfortable enough in the group to move into private conversations.  Shyknight was only lurking in the lounge due to Fogel insisting he take a look around.  Fogel was, indeed, the more outspoken one, but these two together were a force to be reckoned with.  While they had their playful and silly side (as I recall a certain gentleman writing that he was dancing around his office chair, which made me giggle), they each had hearts as big as the universe!

Now, remember early on I thought I had chosen a screen name no one would recognize and thought surely no one would be able to find me.  Imagine the shock I had the morning I picked up the telephone at work and heard the caller on the other end speak my name.  The accent was strong, and I knew immediately this was not someone from the deep South such as myself.  Intrigued by the northern accent and soft yet manly voice that was speaking to me in such a familiar way,  imagine my shock and dismay when he announced he was none other than Shyknight!

How was this possible?

Frozen right where I sat, I struggled with my words.

How did he find me?

He began to speak of the subtle clues I had given him at first, and then more telling details, which unknowingly to me, allowed him to track me down.  Without telling him the name of my employer during our conversations, I soon learned there weren’t many bridge companies in the south!

Ah, to be young and naive. Meanwhile, Shyknight turned out not to be quite as shy as even HE had thought, for he reached out to me!

He soon calmed my fears and let me know he was not a threat to us.  Whew!  I remember a wave of relief washing over me as he warned of the dangers of the online world while we were speaking on the phone.  The thought brings a smile to this very day.  A “stranger” I met online was warning me of the dangers of giving too many details to strangers online that might lead to them finding me in real life!  EEK!!

These two were not a threat at all but were, instead, bright lights piercing the darkness.  Having learned of my whereabouts, I soon learned why they tracked me down.   They were behind every care package that arrived for my daughter and me during the early years.  Such thought was put into every package, and I have no doubt it was sealed with love each time.  From macaroni and cheese to stuffed animals, they chose items for my young daughter to surprise her and added treats for me that warmed my heart.  What a blessing it was to receive the boxes full of goodies. No one had ever done anything like that for us before.

Now, I know what you’re thinking.  Everyone has their own beliefs about meeting people on the internet.  We’ve heard horror stories of kidnappings and serial killers.  We were told of the pure evilness of the internet as if the devil himself orchestrated it.  Now it was invading every household.   With that in mind, I was certain to disguise myself behind a screen name that gave off little information about myself.  Besides, it wasn’t just myself I had to think about here, for I had a toddler to protect!

I wasn’t as creative as this mysterious Shyknight character.  I was just an ordinary girl stepping out into the vast unknown of the world wide web.  SHB01 was what I came up with, which was later turned into Shooby by adoring fans.  Ha!  My “friends in the box” teased me with that nickname after we all became familiar with each other and comfortable enough to poke fun.  Yes, even Sir Shyknight, who we later learned had a tendency to be a prankster.

Ah, but in those early days, we were all just putting ourselves out there little by little, wondering if we would be accepted.  We came, just as we were from different walks of life, and surprisingly, we were welcomed with open arms.  One by one, friendships were formed just by a couple of strangers sharing their heartache and pain, mixed with laughter along the way.  Stories were shared of real-life struggles we were facing. Surprisingly to me, others were in deeper turmoil than I.  They, too, were in need of support and found it harder as adults to make new friends.  So, we sat at our computers, staring at the screen.  Scrolling through the topics, we read pieces that allowed a glimpse into that person’s life.  Often times we would take our conversations out of the public arena and into private emails or chats.  We shared with complete honesty and transparency our innermost thoughts and feelings without holding back.  That’s one thing about the internet.  Because you don’t walk alongside them daily in real life, you feel free to bare your soul.  You do so without hesitation or fear. You feel safe as you forge ahead.  In doing so, true friendships were made.  My new friends made me forget the ugliness that was going on around me.  Through their acceptance, compassion, support, and encouragement, they restored my faith in humanity.

It became a nightly ritual for me.  After reading my daughter’s favorite book to her, she would put her tiny hands together to pray.  As she closed her eyes, the longest blonde eyelashes touched her cheeks. With her favorite blanket and her
pink “Love Me” bear by her side, I tucked her into bed.  I kissed her on the forehead as she drifted off to dreamland.  I sat watching my little angel sleep for a while.  She was so peaceful.  I stroked her hair as I admired this beautiful gift God has given me.  I have always felt so completely blessed to be her mother.  Not wishing to wake her, I would quietly sneak out of her room into the next.  As I turned on the computer, I looked forward to sharing a few hours with my online friends.

I sat there staring at the screen.  An interesting individual appeared in our online community.   Not only did this brave man have an intriguing name, but he wanted a topic that, typically, only women seem concerned with:  romance.

Shyknight

His name almost jumped off the screen at me.  I envisioned him standing tall with his shiny metal armor on, shield in place, sword drawn, ready to defend our honor.  A knight in shining armor flung the door wide open and stood confidently in the doorway.

My imagination started to run wild.  As I type these words, the movie “A Knight’s Tale” comes to mind.

Ah, but he’s a shy one.  Well, we shall see if we can drawn him into our conversation on the topic at hand.  Romance … and so we dove head first into the topic.