Each of us, throughout our lifetimes, will experience some sort of tragedy. Though the years may pass, the memories and the pain of those events linger on with us; sometimes it can be felt as strong now as it was back then. There is no getting past the influence of this type of major life event. Many people live with those feelings inside and never share the hurt and pain that comes back during the anniversary of that time.
I have heard many people tell others to just get over it. Bury those feelings. What is past is past. I find that to be rather inconsiderate and a bit cruel. Instead of “trying” to help someone get through an emotionally difficult time should we not try to help them by sharing their pain?
Most people I know have no idea what to say to someone during a time like this. What they don’t realize is that the best thing they can do is to say nothing, but do something. Be there for those you know that are hurting. Spend a little time with them. Tell them you are thinking of them. Let them know that you share their pain and you will be there for them if they need support. Give them a hug. Let them decide what they need from you to help them through those dark times. Just be there for them.
Be someone’s angel.
Dear Greg,
What a timely post considering this is the anniversary of my sister’s suicide. I knew you, of all people, would not forget this date and how it affected our family 13 years ago. Thank you for thinking of us and being there for us during that time when I felt as if I could not breathe and did not know how I would get through the next minute. Thank you for standing true to this very day with your support. You are so right. When people don’t know what to say, then say nothing but DO something … it doesn’t take much to help and “be there” on tender days such as today.
Thank you again, my ever faithful and devoted friend.
I love you,
Shirley
This is great advice. I’m that person who awkwardly avoids peoples eyes when they tell me something “uncomfortable”. It’s not that I don’t care – it’s just I never know what to say! But doing something is great advice.
Madaline,
Thanks for the reply. I am the same way. Much of the time I don’t what to say. Sometimes I will send a card letting them know I am thinking of them or to just say that I am there for them if they need anything. I think doing something like that is better than feeling the need to fumble through saying something that will make you and them feel uncomfortable.
Greg