We have all encountered them in our lives. Either we’ve dealt with them at work, encountered them amongst our family and friends, or either ~gasps of horror~ we are one! We’re talking about emotional vampires.

You know the kind that never seems to have any thing good to talk about. They open their mouths to speak, and every negative thing imaginable finds its way out! It is as if it rises from the tips of their toes as a river of toxicity overflows out of their mouths!

I made a phone call today just to “check in” with a dear lady. I do love her so much, but she does not ever seem to have any thing good to talk about. Our conversations consists of:

I don’t know why she doesn’t lose some weight. She looks awful.

So and so had surgery. I bet they have their husband waiting on them hand and foot. They’ve always been lazy …

Can you believe he lets his 19 year old son sleep until 2 p.m.? He needs to get a job and be more responsible.

Yea, as if that will ever happen as HE isn’t responsible himself. He’s a grown man and has nothing because he doesn’t want to work either!

Don’t go to the store alone because someone might rape you and kill you.

(Yes, this comes out of her mouth frequently!)

Did I ever tell you back 30 years ago how my mother-in-law treated me? She was just awful to me …

Now tell me, if you encountered this EVERY time you picked up the phone to talk to them or saw them in person … would you be inclined to call often or visit frequently?

It’s draining. Plain and simple. It … is … draining!

I have tried to ask her about good, positive things in her life. I have tried to redirect her when she is in this negative frame of mind. With every negative she says, I will politely let her finish speaking, then I will think of something positive in the situation to focus on instead of joining in on the negatives with my comments.

One day, not too terribly long ago, I asked her if she could change her focus. It would make all of the difference in the world if she would simply focus on a positive every time a negative wanted to creep into her mind. Counter that negative thought with a positive. She just says:

Yea …

~long pause~

Anyway …

She, then, returns to the negative program already in progress.

It’s sad, really, for a person to constantly live in this state of mind.

Her husband has asked her if she can think of anything good to talk about. When they go off riding on back country roads, he says she sits in silence the majority of the time. When asked why, she says that he told her that if she didn’t have anything good to say to not say anything at all … so she took him up on it!

Now … stop laughing … this is serious business here! (Okay, laugh a little, but I promise you this really did happen!)

My point in this entire message today is to be careful what comes out of our mouths. We also need to guard our thoughts.

The enemy would like nothing better than to steal, kill, and destroy. That is his goal. All of those negative thoughts, he put them there. BUT, you do NOT have to focus on them. You can change your focus. It takes hard work, but it IS possible. How do I know? Because I was once like this. My case of the negatives wasn’t quite this severe, thank you God! But, I did not realize just how negative my thoughts and my conversation with others had gotten until one day another very dear friend of mine asked me if there was any good that happens during the course of the day because all I seemed to tell her about was the bad stuff.

Wow!

I hadn’t ever thought about it before. I know our friends are our sounding boards, and they are there to listen when we feel like no one else will. They are there to bounce things off of, and they listen as we rant and rave. We appreciate this so very much, but we should not always focus on this when we speak to them! They want to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly … but they appreciate hearing about the good more … don’t forget that important piece right there! They want to celebrate with you. They want to share in the happiness and the joy you are feeling. Allow them into that part of your life as well. I know when my friend pointed this out to me, I had to stop and deal with myself. I had to purposely strive to share more uplifting and encouraging things in my conversation. You know what happened? When I started doing that, I felt better! I smiled more! I laughed more! I seemed to love more, too! My friends and family got a chance to share in all things that make me happy, and we bonded even more than if I had a venting session with them!

I know things can’t always be sunshine and rainbows. There will be days where we feel less than enthused about greeting the day. There will be days that we’re challenged and feel like things are coming at us from every angle. It takes work to focus on the positives when the negatives so freely flow from us.

Retrain your thoughts!

You CAN do this. I am living proof!

Don’t be an emotional vampire. People will hate to see you coming or will dread answering your phone calls.

Hear me loud and clear on this, please. It is okay to confide in a friend. It is okay to vent as needed. It is okay to share ALL the ill feelings you have if it helps you to feel better. What I’ve found, though, is that the more you rehearse something, the worse you feel! The more energy you put into focusing on the negative, the less you will enjoy life!

Change your thoughts, and you change your world!

Now, if you’re dealing with an emotional vampire in your life that refuses to change … it is okay to put some distance between you. I’m not saying to cut them off completely. Lord knows I am thankful that my dear friend didn’t cut me off when I went in this direction. She was kind enough to gently bring this to my attention. I really had no idea how I sounded until she pointed it out. I am ever so grateful that she did. She brought it to light, and I could, then, change what I focused on and what I talked about.

If you’ve tried with your friends or family, and they will not change, then putting some distance is best. Maybe you’re completely unaffected by their negative conversations. If so, then this post is not for you. If, however, you feel drained after having a conversation with an individual, then you are dealing with an emotional vampire. Don’t feel guilty if you can only tolerate them in small doses. If you are soaring high above the clouds like the eagles when you call them only to feel like a deflated balloon at the end of the conversation, distance is best.

With all of that above, examine yourself, just as I had to do, and answer honestly … are you dealing with … or are you yourself … an emotional vampire?

Again … change your thoughts, and you change your world!