On the heels of what occurred at the toxic church I wrote about yesterday, I was determined not to let evil win. Even though my husband was ready to throw in the towel and quit church altogether, I was not going to allow that to happen. He wanted to turn away from God until I pointed out to him that GOD did NOT hurt us. The toxic pastor and people of the previous church hurt us. We needed to separate that entirely from God, as that church did not display the characteristics of Christ. You can post the nine fruits of the spirit on every window in the sanctuary, but the behavior of the pastor behind closed doors did not line up with said fruits. We saw a completely different version than the pastor that stood at the door shaking hands on Sunday morning and speaking so eloquently from the platform. He was deceitful from the phone call he placed to my husband saying he wanted us to come in to talk as he didn’t want us in pain. He lead us to believe he cared about us, but when we arrived, we saw a red-faced demon with bulging eyes assaulting with accusations but not backing up anything with facts or proof. We did not see a pastor displaying self-control. He did not offer or display love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, nor faithfulness. He did not exhibit traits of kindness nor gentleness either. My mouth almost dropped open with the way he was behaving “in the house of the Lord” in his office behind closed doors with his select few alongside him. One of the “leaders” had spoken to me a few days prior and was one way with me alone and a completely different way in the presence of the pastor. She turned from a person “speaking in tongues” in church, showing off on stage, to looking down her nose at me, then she outright lied about something she said days before. I guess sitting right there beside the pastor changed things. The other “leader” in the room also turned against us, but that did not surprise me either. Page 115 of Atomic Habits actually begins to discuss how people will side with others, even when they are wrong, as they do not want to be excluded from the group. That happened right in front of our eyes. While we were greatly disappointed, it did not surprise us in the least.
I’m thankful for God’s protection that day not allowing the pastor’s hatefulness to penetrate my soul. I walked out of that church with my head held high knowing who I was and more importantly, WHOSE I was! Despite what was said and despite the awful treatment I received from the pastor and leadership, God sent His Son to die on the cross for me, too, because He thought I was worth it. He proved it, and I AM a Child of the Most High God. The ill-treatment did not change who I am nor WHOSE I am. It yanked the blinders off so fast and revealed the true character of the toxic pastor and leadership. It made us realize we wanted no part of it. We did not even want the shirts they gave “first time visitors” which displayed the name of the church boldly across the front of it. In fact, my husband went to the car right before we drove off that night, took all of the shirts in our possession with the church name on it, and tossed them on the ground at the door of the church. When I once proudly wore the shirt on the platform with my worship teammates, it was now tarnished and tainted. We wanted no part of it.
Church hurt is talked about online on so many different platforms. There are Facebook pages dedicated to this topic and even Facebook groups full of people with story after story of how they were abused by someone with spiritual authority at the church. Whether it was the pastor or people serving in leadership roles, they inflicted emotional, relational, or spiritual pain upon so many in different churches. It seems to hurt worse when it’s from “people of God;” the very ones you never expected to turn on you or hurt you. The ones that are supposed to be like Christ, who end up being further from who Christ is and what Christ represents. Whether the hurt came from personality conflicts which lead to gossip with others turning against them, or whether they were manipulated, excluded or ostracized, or were physically or sexually assaulted even. Church hurt is real, and it is devastating when the very people we thought were “of God” did not display the love of Christ.
God did not do this.
It is important to separate what “they” did from God and Jesus.
Please don’t let “people of the church” that hurt you cause you to turn away from God. Even if you don’t want to step foot in another church right now, that is okay! Please do not feel shameful or guilty if that’s where you are right now. You can STILL worship God right there in your home. You can still read your Bible. If that’s too painful, cry out to God and let Him meet you there. He knows what has happened to you, but some times we need to be vulnerable and say to Him, “This hurts, God! The deceit, betrayal, lies, false narratives, accusations, the way the pastor spoke to me and the way the leaders sided with him and no one stood up for me HURT deeply.” Let it all out. God can handle it. Even if you’re angry and want to lash out asking God, “WHY didn’t you stop this? Why did people that were supposed to be representing you do something like this? Why did you allow it?” He can handle all of it. Please take all of it to Him in prayer. Let God know your heart, and then let God wrap you in His love! Let him be near to you in your brokenness. Let him bind up the wounds the pastor, leaders, or church people inflicted upon you. Let God love on you the way others should have but failed to do. YOU belong to Him, even if you no longer belong to the church that hurt you.
Please separate who hurt you and let God heal your heart.
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18)
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4)
