You Matter
I’m sure you’ve all seen the picture on Facebook that asks what you would say to your younger self in only two words. My response has been: “You matter!” and “You’re enough!”
I chose those words because in life there are so many people just waiting to bring you down a notch or two. They can’t wait to intimidate you and try to make you feel like you don’t matter. There are others that take pride in trying to make others feel small and as if they aren’t enough.
What I’d like you to realize is that the very people that are striving to pull you down and chip away at your self esteem, self confidence, and self worth are the very ones that are struggling themselves! Otherwise, why would they attack another human being? They wouldn’t! If they were happy in their lives, they would be basking in the sunlight, smiling at their beautiful lives instead of plotting evilness and spewing hatefulness. They are miserable people that do not like to see others succeed. They want to grab a hold of you and bring you down into the pit of despair that they are living in.
Honestly. Think about it. Why else would these people do it?
From social media shaming, bullying, to “indirecting” someone in a way that others that are familiar with the situation will know who you’re talking about. It’s petty and makes the person doing it look extremely small. Sadly, this happened at the beginning of the year to my daughter. All she wanted was to be left alone, but the more she tried to get away from the offenders, the harder they tried.
I like to believe that there is good in every one. As humans, and yes as sinners, we have the bad that wants to come out at times. But that is when we truly need God. We don’t have to let the “little man” get up on our shoulder; ie: the devil. We don’t have to fall victim to his schemes and do evil things to others around us. We can resist, and we should. Often times, though, certain people choose not to and that is where trouble comes in.
People want a sense of community and a sense of belonging. They need companionship. We actually crave it. However, in light of how we’ve been treated in the past, we resort to just keeping with our family unit and not allowing very many people in.
Just when we “think” we can find happiness by being involved in a group, we soon learn that not all in the group are welcoming. This happened to me yet again with a group in my town. We were bound together due to our love of horses and trail riding. We were to go on trail rides together, and I did attempt this with them twice. It resulted in me being left behind. One time it was clearly because I was on an extremely lazy horse that didn’t want to speed up. She was perfectly content to take a slow and steady pace along the trails. I can understand where this might be frustrating to others on faster horses. That being the case on this first trail ride I went on with them, I did not get offended by them going ahead. The only thing that concerned me was that I was not in a familiar area at all. I did not know my way around, and I was afraid of getting lost. The second time I attempted a ride with the group, I was on my much faster horse. The result was that while my horse kept up pretty good with theirs, at one point they wanted to run their horses. I did not want to run mine, so I stayed back. I assumed (which was wrong of me) that they would run for a bit, then wait for me to catch up. That did not happen. Instead, they rode on without me. I decided at that point in time that I would not ride with them again. This was twice now that I “thought” I was included only to find out that I really and truly wasn’t. I’m sure there will be those that will say that it was my fault because I didn’t join them in running my horse. I have a hip injury that prevents me from doing much that involves being jolted around whether it’s trotting or loping/cantering a horse. I have done it since my accident two years ago, but I prefer a nice, safe walk. We have ridden with a man and his wife that actually waited up on me before despite what the rest of the group was doing. It did strike me that he was the ONLY one to wait around on us, too. But he said out of common courtesy, that is what you do! Obviously, the rest of the group didn’t get the memo on that!
Still … trying to give people the benefit of the doubt … these same people saw my posts on Facebook about the different places we would ride, and they said, “Hey, let us know where you’re riding next, and we’ll join you.” I did just what they said, and I let them know where we were riding. I even created an “event” on Facebook for it … and guess what? No one showed up. Not a single person. So, I won’t be inviting them on any future rides. It’s not like they would come any way!
And posting in a “group” with them? Yea, the majority of the time what I wrote would be ignored.
I know that you can’t take everything so personal. I get that, and for the most part, I don’t. But when you want so badly to be a part of something and this happens … again, and again, and again … it is disheartening.
For me, I’d love to be included and to feel like I’m a part of something.
This is where everything shifts for me because I AM a part of God’s kingdom! He loves me and wants a relationship with me. He welcomes me with open arms and forgives me of my sins. He wants to hear from me, to hear my prayers and He waits for me to engage Him each and every day. He won’t ignore me. He won’t turn me away or leave me. He will always be with me and for me.
This is where you have to turn the focus off of the approval you wish you could get from your fellow man … and focus on GOD! You are HIS child, and HE loves you more than you will ever know.
If you’ve been feeling like you don’t matter … aren’t enough … aren’t included … or are often times ignored … know that the devil wants you to feel these things and have a low opinion of yourself. He wants you to be down in the dumps, to be consumed by depression, and he uses others to get to you in this way.
Will you shift your focus on to GOD, instead? Will you focus on the truth in the Bible and stand on God’s promises?
It matters not whether people include you here on Earth, as long as you are included in the Lamb’s Book of Life in Heaven! I know it hurts your feelings. Believe me, I know all about it. But rise above it like I have. Those people that try to make you feel small DO … NOT … MATTER. In the grand scheme of things, they don’t. Not to your self worth. Not to your self esteem. Not to your self confidence. Whether they acknowledge you or not. YOU MATTER … YOU ARE ENOUGH!
YOU
ARE
A
CHILD
OF
GOD!
And at the end of your life, that is all that will truly matter as God ushers you into the gates of Heaven and welcomes you home.
National Single Parent Day
Once upon a time, my fairy tale marriage ended. Yes, that’s right. There was to be no “happily ever after” for me. Not with my first husband.
At just 21 years old, my first husband and I vowed to love each other and be together “forever.” Little did I realize that his “forever” meant until I had our daughter four years later.
She entered this world a tiny 5 lb 15 1/2 oz bundle of absolute love and joy! I had a rough time in the delivery room, but after 17 hours, this precious little blue eyed baby girl entered this world ever so quietly. She never cried. She just grunted. I’ll admit that I was beyond frightened at this point that something was wrong with my beautiful baby girl. As the doctor and nurse worked on her to clear her airway, I grew weak after having my blood pressure drop, and I started to cry. All I could do was beg the staff to let me hold my baby. Please … I just want to hold my baby. And, instantly my blood pressure started to rise the moment they placed her in my arms.
Love at first sight. Actually, I was already in love with her the moment I found out I was pregnant, but I fell deeper in love with her when I saw her for the very first time. Ten perfect little fingers and toes, and a slightly misshapen cone head from the birth canal, she was all I ever wanted in this life!
A few days after delivery, we were able to go home where she more than made up for her lack of vocal skills at birth. My darling had a set of lungs on her, let me tell you! And … she hated bath time! There was no soothing her with the water. Instead, she screamed, and she cried … every … single … time. Sponge baths … full baths … it didn’t make a difference. But … I still loved her with all of my heart and would do anything in the world for her.
Shortly after her first birthday, my husband announced that he did not want to be a husband or a father any more. He wanted his freedom.
Shocked and filled with disbelief, I knew I had no time to sit and wallow in self pity. I had a precious little baby girl to take care of. She depended on me, and I would NOT let her down! No matter what happened in my marriage regarding his lack of commitment to us, I was committed to HER … and I still am to this very day. I would move Heaven and Earth for this blonde haired, blue eyed girl.
I prayed, and I begged God to help me care for this little darling as I was forced into the role of a single parent. I never thought I would be in this position, after all … we were “in love” and “promised forever” to each other.
There would be no happily ever after. Not with him.
My daughter and I started a new chapter of our lives together with her just a little one year old who had just learned how to walk. She took her first steps as a toddler … and I took my first steps into single parenthood. Her first steps were certainly more cause for celebration than mine, and that is what I focused on; her!
I became Mama and Daddy all rolled into one. I was her shelter, her protector, her everything … just like Jesus was for me. I knew that I could not go down that road alone, and I did not have to. Sure, there was times that I felt completely alone, but I remembered that Jesus was never going to leave me, unlike a man that vowed his love for me had. I knew that my strength came from God, and He would not fail. All things are possible with HIM … and I put the past in the past and forged ahead to our future together.
My goal in life was to make sure that my little darling did not want for anything. Although he left, I did not want our standard of living to go down any. I wanted to remain in the house she had always known from birth, and thank God that was possible when I was able to borrow money from the bank to keep the house! After paying him his equity in the house and refinancing the home into my name, we were set. No one could EVER try to take this home from us again. It was ours; my daughters and mine.
While I’ll admit that money was tight, we survived. God saw to it that we would. I praise Him for how He kept us during that time. While we did not always have our “wants” fulfill, He saw to it that our “needs” were more than met! I thank Him for that!
I realize that no one ever grows up and thinks, “Hmmm, I’ll just be a single parent.” Some times, though, life happens, and no matter what our hopes and dreams were … reality slaps us in the face, and we are just forced to deal with it. While it may not have been the hand we had hoped for, it was the one we were dealt. And God provided for us.
If you are a single mom or dad, I applaud you for ALL that you are doing! Your child/ren depend on you, and I have faith in YOU not to let them down. You are their everything, and they cling to you for reassurance in uncertain times. Be there, encouraging them every step of the way. Don’t burden them with adult issues, just let them know that God will provide. That is all they need to know, and rest in the assurance that HE WILL!
Fast forward several years, and my blue eyed baby girl is now 19 years old! She has a firm foundation, and I love her more than she will ever know! We made it! She is technically no longer my “baby” as she’s an adult now at this age, but she will ALWAYS be my baby no matter how old she gets.
IF you’re new to this single parent life, take heart and know that you will be okay. It will all work out. You may question “How” at this stage of the game. But just don’t stop to think about what has happened or how big of a step you think this is going to be doing it all on your on. Have faith in your ability to be the provider for your child/ren. I survived, and you will, too! God will help you, if you just ask. I promise you. It will all be worth it in the end when your child/ren grow up and turn out to be responsible adults. You will realize that every ounce of your struggles were worth it and then some because of the person they have become. You will grow in all of this, too. You will no longer be the scared 25 year old that doesn’t know how they will make ends meet. You will grow and change because you HAVE made ends meet, and you HAVE provided for your child/ren. You will have more strength inside of you than you ever thought possible, all because your child/ren are watching … and one day, they will look back and realize that you truly were their everything and appreciate the sacrifices you made so that they did not do without.
For all of the single parents, keep up the good work. You have a lot on your shoulders as Mom and Dad, but YOU can do this! I am living proof, and I thank God for His hand on mine and my daughter’s lives these past 19 years.
Happy National Single Parent Day. I celebrate you and all that you do behind the scenes to ensure your child/ren have a good life.
Much love to you and yours! From one once single parent to another.
Spring In The South
With warmer temperatures in the 80’s this week, we can safely say that it is Spring in the South now!
Hallelujah!
Praise God!
I can hear the choir of angels singing now!
Can you tell that we are extremely overjoyed now that the harsh winds of Winter have blown out of here?
Oh, I know! All of you up North are laughing hysterically over the Southerners down here complaining about “harsh winds of Winter.” We aren’t used to it, and frankly, I don’t see how you guys LIVE where you have to shovel all of that snow! And let’s not even talk about when temperatures are way below freezing there. We cringe when the weatherman talks of just snow flurries here and the possibility of ice on bridges!
Ah, but Spring has sprung!
Every outdoor surface is covered in a blanket of … green pollen. Not as romantic as sitting by the fire up North with a blanket of freshly fallen white snow on the ground.
But, let’s not talk about Winter.
Spring is HERE!!!
I know … there is still a chance of a “cold snap” before Easter, as always. Just when the trees start flowering – like my Bradford Pear Trees I’ve been waiting FOREVER to see bloom … and now they ARE … with the dogwoods beginning to come to life as well. Imagine my excitement yesterday when I realized they are getting ready to burst forth in a few weeks, too!
This weekend we rode our horses through God’s beautiful country in the Charleston area! Does it get any better than that?! With trees lined with gray moss hanging overhead, we felt as if we were truly in the enchanted forest. Ah, but this was no fairy tale. This was real life on the grounds of Middleton Place!
Middleton Place is a National Historic Landmark, and we had the pleasure of riding our horses here! No, we couldn’t actually ride up close or around the house or the gardens, but we were still on their land with beauty surrounding us nonetheless!
While we could only see a small portion of the house, which was built in 1755, from the trails, we were excited when we were able to capture this picture from across the road at Bailey’s Field.
We rode our horses around ponds where we saw Canadian Geese, ducks, and about three alligators right there in a row. I contemplated on what to do because I knew that we were bound to see an alligator with all of the ponds around. We were riding close to the water’s edge, too, so I was trying to decide whether to tell my daughter when I spotted one sunning on the bank or to just go on by as if I didn’t notice. I finally decided to tell her as I was afraid the alligator’s swift movement off the bank and into the water would cause a splash which would startle or spook our horses. I tried to break it to her as gently as possible, but she was consumed with fear as soon as the first alligator scurried off the bank and into the water faster than anything we’ve ever seen before! She began to cry, and no amount of reassurance from either my husband nor I would help at that point. We came upon another one within minutes from the first, and it entered the water with lightening speed. The third alligator, however, was soaking up the sun and did not even notice (or care) that we were any where around. My daughter’s tears quickly dried as we lead our horses away from the pond and on to higher ground. I tried to tell her that the alligators are probably just as afraid of us (with the exception of the one that didn’t acknowledge our existence) as we are of them! As long as we don’t provoke them, we should be fine. That helped, as the very next day we rode around some of the ponds on the right hand side of the trails. She was fine then as we only spotted one or two in the middle of the ponds and not on the banks as we passed by.
I lost track of the number of times I threw my head back and said, “Oh my gosh … I LOVE this place! It is soooo beautiful!”
From vast ponds to wildlife and on to fields full of Yellow Carolina Jasmine, we were in awe of ALL of God’s creations!
As we got further into the woods, we stumbled upon a little bridge, completely safe for horse travels, across a little creek. As soon as you crossed over the bridge, you immediately had to climb uphill. We had the best time at this spot with our horses trotting up the hill, so much that we went back to this spot a second time just for the thrill of going back up again. It is hard for me to contain my excitement, and I cannot hold my laughter in at this point. I laugh because I’m happy, and I feel FREE on the back of my horse! It is truly one of the best feelings in this world!
If you’ve experienced your share of Winter Blues, we encourage you to get out in nature at the first opportunity you have with warmer weather in your area. Let yourself stand in awe of God and the beauty He has provided for us all. I am constantly amazed at Our Creator. He thought of every single detail, didn’t He? Of course, He did!
And we bow our head and thank Him for ALL of His many blessings in our lives.
