Light, Love, Hope

There is a time for everything … a time to weep and a time to laugh.

Ecclesiastes 3:1,4

Life is hard … (wear a helmet).  One of my friends loves to say this as they giggle or throw their head back laughing.  The truth is, life IS hard!  It can also be beautiful, thrilling, and amazing!  While we would like to stroll through life never having felt heartache and pain, that just isn’t realistic.  Bad things happen to good people all of the time.  It’s how we choose to deal with it that matters!  Sure, you could sit around crying over things and stay in that frame of mind, OR you can try to find a way to bring laughter into it.  When it seems like it’s impossible to laugh, just try.

Cindi and Hugh talk about a lady that was diagnosed with breast cancer about the same time that a concrete wall fell on her husband at work.  They endured a great deal of pain and suffering, but they lived to tell about it.  AND, they found a way to laugh in the mist of the storms they were facing.  This immediately brought back memories of a visit I had with friends in September.  My friend, Betty, from Oklahoma drove 13 hours to Georgia while I drove four hours from South Carolina, and our friend, Sylvia, drove six hours from Alabama.  We all met up in Georgia to rally around our dear friend, Debbie, who was just recently diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer.  While we were all emotional upon hearing this news, we knew that we had to make this trip to support our friend.  I am happy to report that the weekend of September 12, 2014 was spent with these beautiful ladies laughing and having the absolute best time ever!   Sure we could have sat around crying all weekend due to what was happening to one of our dear friends that is really more like family.  Yet, we chose to find something to laugh about all weekend long.  We did not focus on the bad news; instead, we focused on lifting our sweet sister up and encouraging her with our love and laughter.

Think of how things can improve in your marriage if you do this very same thing with your spouse.  Instead of getting upset over a situation, see if there is any way to find humor in the situation.  I’m not suggesting that we laugh all the time when it’s certainly not appropriate, but there is a lot to be said about finding some good in a bad situation and laughing instead of crying!  Laughter truly IS the best medicine.

We have been through some very stressful things in our marriage.  In life, we have been forced to deal with tragic situations that threatened to steal every bit of joy and happiness in our lives. We have felt shattered and as if we would never be the same again, and honestly, we won’t.  But, instead of remaining down and wallowing in self pity about the situation or letting depression consume us, we try really hard to find a way to smile and even laugh.  I have said before that I am as silly as I am because life is just too serious.  I don’t want to be serious all the time.  I want to be as silly as I possibly can because that is the most fun!

We cannot control what happens in life.  Oh how I wish we could because things in my life would be a LOT different if I could.  But, God has a plan, and we just have to trust in Him.  He knows best.  He knows what the future holds, and He knows what He’s saved us from by having things go according to His will and not ours.  The only thing you can really control is how you respond to situations.  You can cry and remain in that frame of mind forever, or you can try to lift yourself up out of that pit and find something, anything to laugh about.  Even the most silliest of things – it doesn’t matter – just throw your head back and have a big ole belly laugh.  Be silly.  And ENJOY every minute of it.  Who better than with your spouse?!

When tension arises, find something to crack a joke about.  It’s even better if there is an inside joke that you share that no one else will know about, yet it will bring a smile to your face and that of your spouse.  What I especially love is to be as silly as I can with my children, too.  They don’t want parents that are always on their case.  There is a time to be strict and enforce all of the rules, and then there are times when you have to cut loose and just laugh with your children.  You don’t want them to look back and think of you as a warden, tough as nails not letting anything slide.  You want them to look back fondly at their childhood and remember the good times, the laughter, the fun you had together, and the love that you all shared.

When was the last time that you remember laughing together with your spouse or with your children?  Find something to laugh about TODAY!

Join us tomorrow for … Splurging On Each Other.

For all posts in this series, click here.

Buy the book on Amazon: When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection

Let us stop just saying we love each other; let us really show it by our actions.

1 John 3:18 NLT

Remember all the little things you used to do before you were married? The things you did “just because” to show how much you loved and cared for your mate? Why do those little things have to stop when we get married? They don’t have to! Honestly. There is nothing in the marriage handbook that says we have to stop. We just fall into a routine and get comfortable in our marriages, and then those little things begin to fall by the wayside. What if those little things helped reassure your spouse?  What if they were exactly what your spouse needed to feel so loved, so appreciated, and so valued … and yet you stopped doing it? That happens far more than we realize in marriages. Then we wonder why we’ve “lost that loving feeling.”  You HAVE to keep the fires burning!

It is one thing to say that you love someone … and it is quite another to actually show them.  What have you done lately to make your spouse truly feel your love?   I’m not talking about buying things … that’s not love.  I’m talking about acts of service out of the love you have in your heart without announcing “I mowed the lawn … I did the laundry … I put the toilet seat down …” (Men!)   Believe me.  Women notice.  They don’t need an announcement from you.  They see what you’ve done, and they are touched.  Don’t expect a big celebration just because you’ve done chores around the house either because she does stuff without praise all day long.  It’s expected of her, and she just does it.  Yes, it would be nice if her work was recognized, but she does not announce what she’s done to have praise poured upon her.  She appreciates it more if you recognize her efforts yourself.

What about gently touching your spouse in a way that you know they love.  If she’s in the kitchen cooking, why don’t you come up behind her and wrap your arms around her waist as you kiss the nape of her neck?  Those little things that you used to do mean so much.  Don’t stop doing them!   Even the times when you’d fall to your knees in front of her, hugging her around her waist as you rested your head lovingly on her.  That is complete vulnerability right there when you do that, and she appreciates this signal that you are open to communication and to being close to her.

What about going to bed at the same time so that you two can cuddle together?  There’s a lot to be said about spooning, ladies and gentlemen!  That is one of my favorite things to do.  Just laying together with my honey with his arms wrapped around me feeling so secure in his love.  I could drift off to sleep like that.  Yet, it’s hard to do that if you don’t go to bed at the same time.  Now if she went to bed hours earlier and is already snoozing when you come to bed, do not wake her up to do this as that might not go over well if you disrupt her sleep.  That’s why it’s important to go to bed together.  There is a lot to be said for pillow talk, too!  This gives you an opportunity to reconnect at the end of the day when it’s just the two of you.  The children are not around, and you are able to whisper sweet nothings … but it’s impossible if you don’t go to bed at the same time!

Writing notes and sending text messages are another way to express your love, and they are little things that don’t cost a single thing.  BUT, make sure that there’s action behind those words that you write.  Otherwise, they won’t mean anything!  You can say all day long that you love someone while your actions are screaming something besides love!

Find a way to make your spouse feel special just like you did when you two were dating.  You did everything within your power to “woo” her back then.  Why did you stop just because you won her over?  You chased her for years, and now that you’ve caught her, you’ve just stopped?  Oh no … it doesn’t stop just because you now have her.  If you want to keep her, you’ll continue doing all of the things you know that make her feel your love.

This isn’t just one sided aimed at men.  Women need to work hard to ensure that their husbands feel their love, too.  Whether it’s making his favorite meal without being asked or giving him those words of affirmation that he craves, we have to do our part, too.

These simple acts of love still mean so much!

Join us tomorrow for … Laughing Together.

For all posts in this series thus far, click here.

Buy the book on Amazon: When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection

God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:19

Cindi and Hugh talk about how it has been said that most arguments that married couples have are either about raising children, sex, or money.  It is extremely sad when money gets in the way of things in a marriage.

When I saw the name of this chapter before reading anything in it, my thoughts immediately went to the saying that is displayed on our money.  In God We Trust.  What I found interesting is that Cindi and Hugh also made a reference to this within the words of this chapter asking DO WE trust God?  We should because God is always faithful and true.

A lot of their focus in this chapter was about giving tithes, giving a portion of your income (usually 10%) back to God in the way of paying tithes to the church.  They talked about how you give and then are trusting that God will give it back to you!  If you don’t have a church home, though, how do you give?  Well, it is up to the individual, but you could give back in some way by making a donation to a well known charity of your choice.  Or, my personal favorite, what about giving to a family that you know is in need?  It is still giving – if you can – to help someone else.  There will be a ton of differing opinions on how to spend your money and arguments on how this was mandated in the Old Testament that we are to obey and give back to God what He has so richly blessed us with … and in doing so, He will continue to bless us and meet our every need.  There was a time in my life, though, where I could not give money.  Hear me out before casting judgment upon me.  Allow me to explain.

I depended on every dime of my money to support myself and my daughter.  I did not have a church home at that point in time because I was going through a divorce and was therefore snubbed by people within the church that I was attending.  So, I stopped going.  I did not turn my back on God, though, and thankfully He did not turn His back on me either!  Just because I did not have a church “home” at that point to give to did not mean that God was not walking with me every step of the way, often times carrying me through that horrible ordeal.  I know He was with me, and while I would have liked to have given 10%, I knew that if I did, my daughter would not eat as I would not have money to feed her.  Did I trust God, yes!  Very much!  I was clinging to him at that time.  But I had to use my head, too.  The church that snubbed their noses at me did not need my money as badly as my daughter needed it at that time.  I focused my attention on her and providing for her the best way I could as a struggling single mother.  I was in this role for approximately five years before remarrying.  At that time, I was blessed with two incomes again, and I was able to start giving back.  When we found a new church home, I did give tithes until trouble started brewing in that church.  Pretty soon, we pulled out because of what was going on there, and we were without a church home again.  Yet, God continued to bless us, and we are thankful for that so much so that we began blessings others that were in need and giving to charities as we felt lead to do so.   My new husband and I talked about money before we ever did anything like this, though, as we wanted to be sure that the other was on the same page before we did.  This has worked for us.

I firmly believe that God will provide … I’m living proof that He did in my situation.  I did not have a whole lot of money at all after paying for our basic needs (roof over our heads, food on our table), but I was happy because God made sure that I had enough money to take care of my daughter.  That is all that mattered to me.  Whether I skated through the month with only $5 to my name after all was said and done … I was still happy as my daughter was in a nice warm house with a satisfied tummy.  Life was good, yes … even though we struggled.  Why?  Because we were together.  God provided for us.  He always has, and He always will.

There was a time in my marriage recently where I was not sure what was going to happen as my husband took a little separation period from me when he was dealing with a lot of things from his past that had just come to the surface.  I was hurt that he left and shattered the image of our picture perfect life together.  I hurt more for my children who were unsure of their future at that point since he was the bread winner.  We made a decision together two years ago to quit a job that was incredibly stressful, and I went to work part time at a company that I worked for years ago.  It was such a blessing to go back to a job where there was zero stress!  While I welcomed this, I did become frightened when he left recently as I knew that I could not support us on a part time income.  I trusted God to provide, though, and I knew that while I did not want to go back to scraping by like I had done before with my oldest daughter … I knew it could be done as God would not leave me, especially not in my time of need.  I had already been through something similar in years past, and while I did not relish the thought of going back there … I knew that if I was forced to that God would take care of us.  As it turned out, my husband has returned home and is working on his issues from the past.  We are hopeful that we can get back on track and that our marriage will be stronger than ever before after we get through this rough patch.  I know God is already working within our marriage.  I trust and have faith in God for He knows the plans He has for me … and they are plans to give me a hope and a future.  I cling to Jeremiah 29:11.

Join us tomorrow for … Simple Acts of Love

For all previous posts in this series, click here.

Buy the book on Amazon: When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection