Lightening The Load
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2
It will not always be smooth sailing in your marriage. Hard times will come that will test and try you both in your marriage.
As Cindi and Hugh wrote in their book:
One of the greatest gifts of love we can give to our spouse is to help carry his or her burden, or to simply walk alongside him or her during the tough times. Jesus said if we call ourselves His followers we must pick up our cross and follow Him. We believe the fact that a man and woman are made one in a marriage relationship means we are to come alongside our spouse and help carry whatever burdens he or she is facing.
We truly do learn a lot about our spouses when we are in a crisis situation. When things are going along wonderfully in our lives and in our marriages, we tend to take a lot of things for granted. Our spouse is one of them. We forget to appreciate our spouses and we tend to take our spouses and all of our blessings for granted. We become selfish and think only of ourselves a lot of the times, too. Consider the bible’s definition of love: Love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
Our spouses need us, especially in a crisis situation.
In March of this year, I was thrown from a “green” horse (meaning, a horse that was not broke to ride – but we did not know this at the time!). I suffered a fractured hip and a fractured hand, along with a concussion. Thankfully it was not any worse than it was, but that was my crisis situation. I needed my spouse as there were times I could not do things physically for myself. I just was not able to do so in my condition.
Thirteen years ago, we lost my sister to suicide. I needed my spouse then, too, but in a different way. In that crisis situation, in the middle of this tragedy, and the aftermath of suicide, I needed my spouse to be there with me physically, yes, but I needed my spouse emotionally as well.
My husband has had things from his past that he has been dealing with since April that has haunted him tremendously. He has sought counseling and is working through some serious issues. He needs me to be there for him emotionally especially when releasing his feelings is so new to him and something that boys are taught growing up that you simply don’t do. If you’ve ever heard “real men don’t cry” … just know that I think this is the greatest disservice that society has done to little boys who grow up to be men that have suppressed their feelings all of these years after being taught this lie! Now these little boys are men who are unable to relate on an emotional level. They have been taught that it’s not okay to show emotion, and so, they appear distant and emotionally unavailable. I’d much rather have a man that is not afraid to show his emotions and can feel free to share how he is feeling with me any day over someone “appearing” strong on the outside just because that is what they’ve been told that they “have” to be.
These are just a few examples of crisis situations where we’ve truly needed the other to come alongside of us. However, even when we’re not in a crisis situation, we need our spouses to be there even in the most simplest of ways to carry our burdens or lighten our loads. Even the smallest of things can help when a spouse is feeling overwhelmed or stressed. Taking the vehicles in for maintenance so your spouse is freed up to do other things around the house is one way of lightening the load. Or, even sharing the load … if one washes, dries, and folds the clothes, the other can put them away. Such little things can go a long way to helping your spouse.
Whether it’s little things or big crisis situations – be there for your spouse and help carry their load or their burdens right alongside of them. You are a team. You’re in this together for the long haul. You are on the same side! You are partners for life! Now act like it! No one else needs to “be there” for your spouse more than YOU need to be there for them … in every way! You should always … always … be able to count on your spouse to be there, whatever the need.
Join us tomorrow for: Keeping It Simple.
For all posts in this series, click here.
Buy the book on Amazon: When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection
Flirting Again
May you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
Proverbs 5:18B
Once upon a time, you flirted with your mate. Your eyes met across a crowded room, your hearts skipped a beat, you walked slowly toward each other as you knew … you just knew … they were the one for you. You would do ANYTHING to make them yours. And so, you pulled out all of your charm and won him/her over.
Do you remember how it felt? Falling in love slowly at first, then all at once? Do you recall how the simplest ways of them flirting with you made you feel wanted, desirable, and … sexy, even?
Well …
What happened?
If you think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence … it’s because they water and take care of theirs! Are you doing the same with YOURS?
There is a lot to be said about how this chapter in Hugh and Cindi’s book rings true! They stress to never let the romantic love diminish! In doing so, others will become more attractive. This is dangerous territory! Very dangerous. It is a slippery slope, and no good can come of it if you allow romance to fall by the wayside with your spouse.
Cindi and Hugh talked about Proverbs 5:15-17 which urges us to “drink water from your own cistern” and not from another cisterns that might look appealing to you. Rejoice in the one you married!
Did you take your marriage vows seriously? They aren’t optional. You can’t pick and choose which ones you want to uphold. You willingly committed yourself to your spouse for life. You vowed to love, honor, and cherish all the days of your lives … for richer or poorer … in sickness and health … as long as you both shall live. Did you mean it?
In this chapter of their book, Hugh and Cindi had a few anonymous couples that shared some of the ways that they flirt with their spouse. One thing that stood out to me was one man that took a risk and told his wife that she was his fantasy girl. This gave his wife confidence in knowing that she was the one that he fantasizes about – not some airbrushed picture perfect model in a Playboy magazine that has had breast implants and other cosmetic surgeries … not someone on television or even on an adult internet website … and not anyone they come in contact with day to day. She is the one that he fantasizes about. She is the one that he wants to fulfill all of his needs, desires, and yes, fantasies. THIS, ladies and gentlemen, is the way it should be. A lot of times marriages suffer due to infidelity and pornography addictions. But, it does not have to be this way! Turn to each other – always – instead of something or someone else. Uphold your marriage vows. Honor your spouse.
You once flirted with your mate. If things seem stale in your relationship, chances are you have stopped flirting with each other. Don’t let things become hum drum. Instead, start flirting again with your mate! See the difference this simple thing can do for your marriage!
As Cindi and Hugh point out in their book, women like it when men smile at them. They like to be complimented, and they like it when men say something to let them know that they find her attractive. It has to be genuine, though, and from the heart. Women CAN tell the difference in a come-on line versus the real deal. In all honesty, men like it when women let them know that they are desirable, and they feel flattered if they feel like they’ve caught someone’s eye.
Listen up, people!
YOU need to be the one flirting with your spouse, admiring him/her, giving extra-long looks in their direction and sending suggestive text messages to your spouse. If you don’t, someone else just might catch their eye and do the things that YOU should be doing. Again, this is dangerous territory. Do not let this happen!
The only person that you should be looking more than just a glance at is your spouse! The only one that you should be longing for is your spouse! The only one that you should be sending racy, steamy, or suggestive messages to is your spouse! The only one that you should be flirting with, fantasizing about, and desiring is your spouse! IF your thoughts go to any one else besides your spouse, you’re wrong and going against your marriage vows. The only one you should be having any type of sexual relations with is your spouse! This is the plain and simple truth!
Join us tomorrow for … Lightening The Load.
For all posts in this series, click here.
Buy the book on Amazon: When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection
Finding A Getaway
God’s my island hideaway, keeps danger far from the shore, throws garlands of hosannas around my neck.
Psalm 32:7 MSG
Quality time alone with your spouse is important. Can you remember the last time you two stole some time away for just the two of you? The stresses in life are so great, from stress at work, stress from finances, stress from raising children, just stress in general … it is important to get away from it all to recharge your batteries and spend time together with your spouse reconnecting.
For years we have taken vacations, but it has always been with our children. We would plan family vacations that we knew the children would enjoy, and we tried to ensure that all in the family had their day to do what they wanted to that way everyone was happy on our trip. Everyone had a say! That worked out wonderfully, and our children have enjoyed the family vacations just as we have. But … some where along the line, we lost each other. We did not steal time away for just the two of us, and our relationship has suffered because of it.
In 2013, my husband won a trip to Graceland in Memphis, Tennessee. He has been a long time Elvis fan, even dressing like Elvis for Halloween that year. He heard a contest going on a local radio station, and lo and behold, he was the correct caller and he WON the trip!! He was so excited as he said he’s never won anything before, and he was elated as this was his “dream trip!” The only thing was that his winnings was for a trip for two. We considered paying extra to take the children as they wanted to share in the excitement as well, but finally, I said no. I thought we needed this time together … alone. And so, we went on the trip, just he and I … and we had a fabulous time. At first we were not sure what to do with ourselves or each other as we hadn’t had this amount of quality time together in years! We had to find our way back to each other, and I felt that we did that during this trip.
While winning trips is few and far between, if it ever happens to a couple, it is important to schedule and plan time away together! Make it a priority. Don’t lose each other in the trenches of everyday life. If you have, find a way to reconnect.
You don’t have to plan an expensive trip either. You can getaway from it all by slipping away to your favorite place that is within an hour’s drive or so. For us, we like to slip off to Charleston, South Carolina. That is one of our absolute most favorite places in the entire world. We have been blessed enough to travel to the Grand Cayman Islands for our honeymoon 12 years ago as well as going to the Bahamas on several occasions through the years with our children. We have also taken trips within the United States. But, we love going back to Charleston every chance we get. There is just something so magical about that city!
We like to go to the Battery Park in Charleston as it has a huge gazebo in the middle of this park. This is where my husband proposed to me all those years ago. He got down on one knee and popped the question. My oldest daughter was only four years old at the time, and she witnessed this with her mouth wide open as she realized what was happening. We were able to capture this moment on camera, and it is a picture we treasure to this very day. So, when we are in Charleston, visiting this park is a must. We have taken a little picnic lunch and sat under the beautiful trees with the moss hanging down as we soaked in the salt air and the gorgeous view of the harbor.
So, you see, finding a getaway does not have to cost a lot of money. It isn’t something that requires you to travel hours by plane to get to either.
Please, for the sake of your marriage, discuss finding a getaway together, a place that brings back old memories or a place to create new ones! Watch as you reconnect and become closer to your spouse as your marriage improves with each moment you’re able to steal away together.
Join us tomorrow for … Flirting Again.
For all posts in this series, click here.
Buy the book on Amazon: When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection
