Light, Love, Hope

Whatever turns up, grab it and do it.  And heartily!  This is your last and only chance at it …

Ecclesiastes 9:10 MSG

What do you think of when you are splurging on each other?  It doesn’t always have to be by spending money.  I hope you realize this.  While it is nice to splurge on each other and shower them with monetary gifts, there are other ways.

In their book, Cindi and Hugh talk about how a couple’s children always said that their dad “spoiled” their mother.  He has since passed away, but they still talk about how he splurged in his love for her for the 49 years they were together in marriage before his passing.   How did he do it, then, if not with money?  He did it in the way that matters most.  He spoiled his wife with his love, praise, and attention.

There is one other that has really lavished His love on us.  The word lavish means to give in great amounts and without limit.  Our Heavenly Father has lavished such love on to all of us.  He loves us with an unconditional love, and we are His.  Think of how deep the ocean is, and know that God loves you even deeper than that.  Think of the highest mountain, and know that God’s love extends far beyond that mountain and into the Heavens.

My daughter tries to “one up” me when we say we love each other and how much we love each other.  She will say:

I love you past God’s house.

Food for thought:  Do you love your spouse all the way past God’s house?  Do you show it?  Do your actions display this to your mate?  Do you love your spouse unconditionally, or do you place conditions upon them?  Do you lavish your love, attention, praise, and affection onto your spouse?  Or do you give your very best to others that you encounter on a daily basis while giving your spouse what’s left after you’ve been stressed out, aggravated, and annoyed?  What are ways that you can lavish your love upon your spouse without spending a single dime?

Join us tomorrow for … Finding A Getaway.

For all posts in this series, click here.

Buy the book on Amazon: When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection

There is a time for everything … a time to weep and a time to laugh.

Ecclesiastes 3:1,4

Life is hard … (wear a helmet).  One of my friends loves to say this as they giggle or throw their head back laughing.  The truth is, life IS hard!  It can also be beautiful, thrilling, and amazing!  While we would like to stroll through life never having felt heartache and pain, that just isn’t realistic.  Bad things happen to good people all of the time.  It’s how we choose to deal with it that matters!  Sure, you could sit around crying over things and stay in that frame of mind, OR you can try to find a way to bring laughter into it.  When it seems like it’s impossible to laugh, just try.

Cindi and Hugh talk about a lady that was diagnosed with breast cancer about the same time that a concrete wall fell on her husband at work.  They endured a great deal of pain and suffering, but they lived to tell about it.  AND, they found a way to laugh in the mist of the storms they were facing.  This immediately brought back memories of a visit I had with friends in September.  My friend, Betty, from Oklahoma drove 13 hours to Georgia while I drove four hours from South Carolina, and our friend, Sylvia, drove six hours from Alabama.  We all met up in Georgia to rally around our dear friend, Debbie, who was just recently diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer.  While we were all emotional upon hearing this news, we knew that we had to make this trip to support our friend.  I am happy to report that the weekend of September 12, 2014 was spent with these beautiful ladies laughing and having the absolute best time ever!   Sure we could have sat around crying all weekend due to what was happening to one of our dear friends that is really more like family.  Yet, we chose to find something to laugh about all weekend long.  We did not focus on the bad news; instead, we focused on lifting our sweet sister up and encouraging her with our love and laughter.

Think of how things can improve in your marriage if you do this very same thing with your spouse.  Instead of getting upset over a situation, see if there is any way to find humor in the situation.  I’m not suggesting that we laugh all the time when it’s certainly not appropriate, but there is a lot to be said about finding some good in a bad situation and laughing instead of crying!  Laughter truly IS the best medicine.

We have been through some very stressful things in our marriage.  In life, we have been forced to deal with tragic situations that threatened to steal every bit of joy and happiness in our lives. We have felt shattered and as if we would never be the same again, and honestly, we won’t.  But, instead of remaining down and wallowing in self pity about the situation or letting depression consume us, we try really hard to find a way to smile and even laugh.  I have said before that I am as silly as I am because life is just too serious.  I don’t want to be serious all the time.  I want to be as silly as I possibly can because that is the most fun!

We cannot control what happens in life.  Oh how I wish we could because things in my life would be a LOT different if I could.  But, God has a plan, and we just have to trust in Him.  He knows best.  He knows what the future holds, and He knows what He’s saved us from by having things go according to His will and not ours.  The only thing you can really control is how you respond to situations.  You can cry and remain in that frame of mind forever, or you can try to lift yourself up out of that pit and find something, anything to laugh about.  Even the most silliest of things – it doesn’t matter – just throw your head back and have a big ole belly laugh.  Be silly.  And ENJOY every minute of it.  Who better than with your spouse?!

When tension arises, find something to crack a joke about.  It’s even better if there is an inside joke that you share that no one else will know about, yet it will bring a smile to your face and that of your spouse.  What I especially love is to be as silly as I can with my children, too.  They don’t want parents that are always on their case.  There is a time to be strict and enforce all of the rules, and then there are times when you have to cut loose and just laugh with your children.  You don’t want them to look back and think of you as a warden, tough as nails not letting anything slide.  You want them to look back fondly at their childhood and remember the good times, the laughter, the fun you had together, and the love that you all shared.

When was the last time that you remember laughing together with your spouse or with your children?  Find something to laugh about TODAY!

Join us tomorrow for … Splurging On Each Other.

For all posts in this series, click here.

Buy the book on Amazon: When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection

Let us stop just saying we love each other; let us really show it by our actions.

1 John 3:18 NLT

Remember all the little things you used to do before you were married? The things you did “just because” to show how much you loved and cared for your mate? Why do those little things have to stop when we get married? They don’t have to! Honestly. There is nothing in the marriage handbook that says we have to stop. We just fall into a routine and get comfortable in our marriages, and then those little things begin to fall by the wayside. What if those little things helped reassure your spouse?  What if they were exactly what your spouse needed to feel so loved, so appreciated, and so valued … and yet you stopped doing it? That happens far more than we realize in marriages. Then we wonder why we’ve “lost that loving feeling.”  You HAVE to keep the fires burning!

It is one thing to say that you love someone … and it is quite another to actually show them.  What have you done lately to make your spouse truly feel your love?   I’m not talking about buying things … that’s not love.  I’m talking about acts of service out of the love you have in your heart without announcing “I mowed the lawn … I did the laundry … I put the toilet seat down …” (Men!)   Believe me.  Women notice.  They don’t need an announcement from you.  They see what you’ve done, and they are touched.  Don’t expect a big celebration just because you’ve done chores around the house either because she does stuff without praise all day long.  It’s expected of her, and she just does it.  Yes, it would be nice if her work was recognized, but she does not announce what she’s done to have praise poured upon her.  She appreciates it more if you recognize her efforts yourself.

What about gently touching your spouse in a way that you know they love.  If she’s in the kitchen cooking, why don’t you come up behind her and wrap your arms around her waist as you kiss the nape of her neck?  Those little things that you used to do mean so much.  Don’t stop doing them!   Even the times when you’d fall to your knees in front of her, hugging her around her waist as you rested your head lovingly on her.  That is complete vulnerability right there when you do that, and she appreciates this signal that you are open to communication and to being close to her.

What about going to bed at the same time so that you two can cuddle together?  There’s a lot to be said about spooning, ladies and gentlemen!  That is one of my favorite things to do.  Just laying together with my honey with his arms wrapped around me feeling so secure in his love.  I could drift off to sleep like that.  Yet, it’s hard to do that if you don’t go to bed at the same time.  Now if she went to bed hours earlier and is already snoozing when you come to bed, do not wake her up to do this as that might not go over well if you disrupt her sleep.  That’s why it’s important to go to bed together.  There is a lot to be said for pillow talk, too!  This gives you an opportunity to reconnect at the end of the day when it’s just the two of you.  The children are not around, and you are able to whisper sweet nothings … but it’s impossible if you don’t go to bed at the same time!

Writing notes and sending text messages are another way to express your love, and they are little things that don’t cost a single thing.  BUT, make sure that there’s action behind those words that you write.  Otherwise, they won’t mean anything!  You can say all day long that you love someone while your actions are screaming something besides love!

Find a way to make your spouse feel special just like you did when you two were dating.  You did everything within your power to “woo” her back then.  Why did you stop just because you won her over?  You chased her for years, and now that you’ve caught her, you’ve just stopped?  Oh no … it doesn’t stop just because you now have her.  If you want to keep her, you’ll continue doing all of the things you know that make her feel your love.

This isn’t just one sided aimed at men.  Women need to work hard to ensure that their husbands feel their love, too.  Whether it’s making his favorite meal without being asked or giving him those words of affirmation that he craves, we have to do our part, too.

These simple acts of love still mean so much!

Join us tomorrow for … Laughing Together.

For all posts in this series thus far, click here.

Buy the book on Amazon: When Couples Walk Together: 31 Days to a Closer Connection