Communication Is Key
What is the key that will unlock the door of your heart? For me, it’s communication. There are many other keys to different chambers inside of my heart, but ultimately, communication is the key to the master lock. Many couples are struggling today because although they possess the key to this master lock, they refuse to use it. Then they wonder why trouble seems to run rampant in their relationships and marriages.
They may run to talk to their parents, in-laws, cousins, friends, and even co-workers at times. They may yell, scream, and even curse thinking that counts as communication when all that does is cause the dead bolt to slam shut and the chain to immediately go up on the door in addition to the master lock being locked as tight as it can get. No one will be allowed inside of my heart when yelling, screaming, and cursing occurs. Ever.
They may even seek the help of a pastor or someone on the church board. Finally, they may seek professional help from a counselor. All of that means nothing, though, if they refuse to calmly discuss things with the one they are in a relationship with or whom they are married to! Nothing will get solved by talking to everyone else BUT the person that is IN the relationship or marriage.
At times we’re told not to nurse it or rehearse it … with “it” being the offense. What this means to me is simply not to nurse the wound, not to make yourself out to be the victim in the situation, and not to keep going over it again and again and again in an effort to find fault. Be man or woman enough to look yourself in the mirror and admit where you’ve fallen short, where you’ve gone wrong. Accept responsibility for your actions instead of always trying to lay the blame at someone else’s feet.
Recently I have witnessed a situation in my own life where a person concocted a plan. It wasn’t a Godly plan at all, yet they set about scheming and planning, plotting this entire thing out of what was “allowed” or what was even “permissible.” When they were told to be careful of what they were suggesting and planning, that warning was not heeded but was, instead, dismissed. They went forth with their plan, and then they seemed surprised when things crumbled around them when it didn’t go as they had thought it would the entire time leading up to it or even after. Then, what did they do? Did they own up to their part in this right away and say how very wrong they were? No, instead, they played the victim role, and very well, too, I might add. They spun absolutely out of control blaming every one and every thing, trying to talk to every one to tell “their” side. There were pieces of the puzzle that was missing from “their” side of the story, though. Huge pieces. Large chunks of the puzzle pieces were missing. There was no way to fit the pieces of the puzzle together. Then they refused to understand or see why their spouse was enraged to find out that they had involved family and friends without telling the full story. They told only what they wanted to tell.
THEN …
They sought professional help. This is wonderful. It’s a very brave step to take. It’s a much needed step in an effort to “fix” themselves and the situation they, alone, have landed themselves in.
There’s still something missing in all of this. What could that be? This person would talk to EVERY one about the problem but would NOT speak to their spouse. They shut them completely out and then wondered why their spouse didn’t welcome them with open arms every time they came back around. Too much damage had already been done by refusing to speak to the ONE person that they truly needed to talk to: their spouse! instead of speaking rationally to them about the situation, they would get upset, rant, rave, curse, fuss, and then … leave. Ultimately, they’d resort to leaving. With the spouse standing in the middle of the yard calling out after them, they turned a deaf ear and refused to look her into the eyes while they walked away as fast as they could to their truck to make a fast getaway because they simply refused to do the one thing that would have made all of the difference in the world: communicate!
Did the spouse give up? No … she tried several times. She tried four days in a row, actually. She didn’t harp on him to the point that his only choice was to leave … not at all. She tried to give him space, yet there was a pressing issue that they needed to discuss. You can’t ignore the elephant in the room any more. When it reaches this point, there is no ignoring the situation at hand. There is no more sweeping it under the rug as there is already a huge pile under it that everyone keeps tripping on as they try to tip toe around the large elephant that’s there, too!
What is the point in this entire post today? If you have someone in your life that you love … whether it’s a spouse, a girlfriend, boyfriend, fiance or even a friend … don’t take them for granted! Don’t take a huge situation and turn to every one else except for the person that you NEED to be talking to! Don’t clam up and refuse to talk or get mad and leave … every … single … time! That’s the coward way. At the first sign of trouble, run. NO! While I can understand needing to take a time-out, agree to come back at an appointed time to discuss the matter when both parties have calmed down some and are in a better frame of mind so they can actually hear each other and not sit thinking the entire time of what their response will be to what the person just said. The thing is … this situation spiraled out of control, and despite the many attempts to talk, he would not talk to her. Instead, he’d leave to come back when he darn well felt like it. In other words, he abandoned her when she needed him the most. There is emotional abuse, neglect, and yes, abandonment.
Communication is key, people. It truly is.
And Now For Something New: We Care Wednesdays
We would like to introduce everyone to a new regular feature here on Light Love Hope; We Care Wednesdays. Each Wednesday, beginning on June 4, 2014, we would like to ask you to post anything that may be on your mind that is giving you stress at the moment; no matter how small you may think it is. Everyone needs to vent once in a while, and we are here for you to do so.
Also, each Wednesday we would like to promote a little happiness in the world with a suggestion of a small random act of kindness or RAK. We would love suggestions from you, too. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate or cost anything as some of the most meaningful things done for people don’t cost a single thing.
Are you ready to accept the challenge? We hope so!
We can touch lives and make a difference … together. One person at a time.
The Light Love Hope Encouragement Team
A Tribute To Dr. Maya Angelou
This week the world lost a beautiful soul, Maya Angelou. As the world mourns, we celebrate her and some of the most beautiful words written and spoken.
I’d like to share a few of my favorite quotes, as well as my thoughts about them and how they pertain to my life.
And Still I Rise
This quote makes me think of times in my life where people have attempted to bring me down. Whether it’s at the hands of a bully, facing mental and emotional abuse bordering physical abuse even … no matter their attempts, I still rose from the ashes and vowed to go on with my life to bigger and brighter things.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
How true is the above statement? I’m sure you can recall times in your life where you just didn’t want to see what was right before your eyes. You wanted to see the good in people despite what they were slowly revealing to you. You turned a blind eye to that part of them, and yet it kept creeping out more and more until there was no denying it at that point. It is true … when people show you who they are, believe them. While I believe that people CAN change if they desire to do so, it has to come from within with lots of prayer and help from God above for it to be a truly lasting change in their life. Many will mouth the words, “I’m sorry.” Few mean it and will be determined to make that change so that they never have need to utter those words again.
I’ve learned that people will forget what you said; people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
Truer words were never spoken! So many times people will forget the words that you just spoke to them. Maybe they aren’t truly listening as they’re distracted in the moment, or maybe they just simply “heard” but didn’t take those words you spoke to heart. People will sometimes forget even the kindest act that you could have ever done in this life for them. For some strange reason, they fail to retain this information although I’m sure it meant a lot to them at the time. However, people will never ever forget how you made them FEEL! Whether you have left a bad feeling with that person or the most amazing feeling in the world, people will hold on to this long after the words and deeds have been forgotten. Their hearts will forever remember how you made them feel.
Nothing can dim the light which shines from within.
Although people may launch assaults at you and attack you with their words, while others may try to chip away at your self esteem, self worth, and confidence … nothing and no one can EVER dim the light that shines from within you, dear one. It’s there … reflected in your eyes, the windows to your soul. Don’t allow people or troubles in your life to even attempt to extinguish the flame that burns inside of your heart and soul. Whatever your passion is in life, live and breathe that passion no matter what any one else may say, do, or even think about what you feel so passionately about in this life. Like the lighthouse on the sandy shores standing tall, confidently leading the ships ashore, as the bright light illuminates the sky … so does your light from within as it shines in the hearts and lives of those you love and hold dear to you in this life.
It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.
When we refuse to forgive, who is the prisoner? The one that wronged us? Surely not. We are, dear ones. When we refuse to allow our hearts to forgive and we carry around such a grudge or chip on our shoulders, this has the potential to entrap us and chain us to the bitterness that is sure to form. Pray for the ability to forgive. Pray for the people that have offended us and hurt us greatly. We may pray through gritted teeth at first, but it will become easier to pray for them as time passes. Then, forgiveness will come. Forgive yourself for any regrets of the past. All of them. Every single one that torments you to this very day. It’s time to forgive yourself, too!
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
This one spoke volumes to me. There are times when we even laugh through the tears or laugh when what we’d really like to do is cry. Then, there are times when all we want is to love someone and have them return that love to us. It does take great courage to accept their love in return because in doing so it opens us up to being hurt … again. That is when we are at our most vulnerable. Yes, it does take great courage to accept their love in return.
Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.
When all else fails and I can find no comfort elsewhere, all I have to do is turn to my music. It will see me through anything. If I’m unable to express it with my words, there is a song that I can identify with that says it perfectly. And so … I turn to music. It is my refuge. My safe place. It makes everything better.
Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.
Love is so beautiful, so powerful … and nothing can ever stop love. No distance, no miles, no circumstances or situations … Love just IS! And it’s amazing!
There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.
Your story matters … it really does! Please don’t keep it locked away inside the private chambers of your heart. Share it. Tell it. There is healing power in telling your story!
I know that when I pray, something wonderful happens. Not just to the person or persons for whom I’m praying, but also something wonderful happens to me. I’m grateful that I’m heard.
There is never, ever a time when we pray that our words fall upon deaf ears. God knows all … He sees it and hears it. He knows before you ever bring them to Him in prayer exactly what is troubling you. He wants to hear from you, though, and He is there … waiting. It is a truly wonderful thing to know that you’re heard … truly heard … and loved with such an amazing, unconditional love.
What is a fear of living? It’s being preeminently afraid of dying. It is not doing what you came here to do, out of timidity and spinelessness. The antidote is to take full responsibility for yourself – for the time you take up and the space you occupy. If you don’t know what you’re here to do, then just do some good.
If you’ve ever felt at times like you’re floundering around like a fish out of water wondering where your place is in this great big world … this one is for you! If you’ve ever questioned what purpose you serve, rest assured that as long as there is a heart beating inside of your chest, you have a purpose on this earth! Trust it. Believe it. It’s TRUE!
To Dr. Maya Angelou, thank you for your contribution to the world. The impact that you have had on many lives far and wide will never be forgotten. You have touched so many lives while here on this earth, and you’re touching lives still even as we mourn the loss of a legend.
(For more quotes, please click here.)
