Bullying is every where in this day and age, but that does NOT mean that it is acceptable behavior. I hope that this world does not ever get to where it accepts bullying as the norm. It’s not! Bullying says more about the person DOING it than it does about the one that is on the receiving end of it.

Words HURT! There are some people that enjoy seeing the reactions of people when they call them names or make hateful comments to them. I will never understand why people do this to others.

I have been on the receiving end more times than I care to think about in this life. I was bullied in school for being too short (as if I had any control over my height). I was bullied and called names such as “buck tooth.” A few girls caught me off to myself on the playground and then later in the bathroom at school and tormented me. Why? Because I was “different” in their eyes. My parents went to a Pentecostal Holiness Church at that time, and we were required to wear dresses or skirts back then. The group of girls tormented me daily asking if I thought I was “sanctified or something.” Because of our religion, we were not allowed to wear make up or cut our hair. We were also not allowed to wear jewelry, go to the movies, or swim with the opposite sex. We later learned that these were not biblical but were the convictions of the former pastor. Nevertheless, my parents wanted to adhere to all of the rules, and I paid the price for this by being harassed and tormented, bullied and belittled.

Later in life, I am sad to say that the bullying continued into the work force! I had a boss that started out just fine, but she started having issues at home that carried over to the office where she would come down hard on me, raise her voice, slam doors, and even fly into my face with her’s as red as ever as she said harsh words to me once more. Why she felt this was necessary is beyond me still to this very day. I was a good worker, one of the best, actually. I am not just saying that. I was good at my job, and they all knew it at the company I worked for. I am not being conceited with those words at all. I know my worth and value, despite the attempts of my former boss to beat me down.

I was a bit of a perfectionist, which is good because you hardly ever make a mistake. However, it was bad in a way, too, because I was already so hard on myself as it was. She knew this also! Therefore, if she ever found the slightest little thing that I did wrong, she would make sure to bring it to my attention immediately. While I did not mind her bringing it to my attention, it was the way in which she went about it. She would purposely wait until she was in front of other people or she had an audience in the hallway before she would bring it up. Then she would get extremely loud to ensure the others heard her belittling me. I felt a lot of the time like she took a rolled up newspaper and beat me over the head like a dog that had an accident on the carpet. Yes, it was that bad at times.

I stayed at this job for four years with her acting in this manner on and off at first, then it became an every day occurrence. I took it to the superiors who, sadly, did not do anything about it. In not addressing it, the bully was allowed to continue this behavior. It is a very sad day when those with the authority and power to do something about it refuse to but, instead, sit back and allow it to continue.

I prayed about it when all of this was happening. I did not understand why she did this, unless she was insecure herself and threatened by how knowledgeable I was about the policy and procedures pertaining to the ins and outs of my job.

I sought counsel with a pastor. I read a book he recommended. I poured over this book, writing down scriptures and quotes from this book to reflect back on later. I soaked it all in and tried to apply everything I could to help the situation improve. Sadly, it did not improve but instead grew worse with every passing day.

It was at that point that I realized that I could change myself in every way possible, but it would never be good enough for her. I could read all the books I wanted and apply every exercise and principle they discussed in the chapters and on every page of the book. However, I would NOT be able to change HER.

I did everything the self-help books suggested. I tried to call a time-out in a respectful manner. I attempted to remove myself from the situation in the heat of the moment so we could calm down and come back later to discuss things properly. She just would not allow that to happen. Instead of allowing the much needed time out, she came at me even more so than before. Nothing in the books worked with her.

There was not a thing in the world wrong with my work performance as this was even said from the lips of the “higher-ups.” In their eyes, it was a “personality conflict” to which they would not do anything about. How sad is that?!

I reached a point to where I realized that it was not possible to remain in that position. I absolutely LOVED my job. I was GOOD at my job. However, it was not worth it any more to continue to go in and be verbally beat down every single day, some times multiple times a day.

As sometimes happens with a group of women, when one is bullying, the others chime in. I started to see this happening as well. I tried to remain to myself as much as possible and focused on my work. They attempted to ostracize me in the office, but I was actually glad when they all did give me the “cold shoulder” instead of coming at me in an attacking manner, throwing stuff on my desk, placing their documents on top of papers I was currently writing on, barging into my office when I was helping a family or client, or talking over me when I was on the phone with a client.

One day, though, I had enough. After years of taking this treatment and trying to do the “right” thing and asking myself “What Would Jesus Do?,” and constantly turning the other cheek, I finally stood up for myself. I wondered at one point if it was the Christian thing to do. Would it be pleasing to God if I stood up for myself? I quickly realized that God does NOT want us to be miserable in this life. Yes, we are to be Christians and model behavior that is pleasing to God, but that does NOT mean to continually subject yourself to mistreatment. It does NOT mean that you continue to remain at the hands of the bully that takes great pride in tearing at your self esteem, self confidence, and self worth! It does NOT mean that you allow the abuse (because that is exactly what it is) to continue. It is a form of mental and emotional abuse. When they launch an assault on you and get others to join in on it, you are being abused and are seeing bullying in action.

I quit the job that I absolutely loved. Some would say I was “giving in” to the bully, but what I actually did was stand up for myself against the bully by taking back whatever control she and her gang thought they had over me COMPLETELY away from them! I valued myself more than to allow myself to continue to be subjected to this kind of abuse. While I wish the “superiors” had stepped in and done what they should have done to get a handle on this situation, sadly, they did not. Instead, they allowed the bullying to continue and in doing so, they lost a very valuable employee. (As a side note, the bully’s husband was best friends with one of the “superiors.” Thus the reason nothing was done! How truly sad!)

Thankfully, in the years between when the bullying started and the day I quit, I was in a position financially where I could step down from this position without my family blinking an eye about the loss of income. It was so freeing when I realized that I did not have to remain in this position nor put up with the bullying. Unfortunately, this is not the case for the vast majority of people, and they are forced to remain in a position such as this until they are able to find employment elsewhere. I did not want to search for another job, as I loved THAT job. However, it was not worth risking my health nor the happiness of my precious family any longer. I resigned and took a much needed break from the workforce. If I have any regrets, it is that I did not do this sooner!

Bullying DOES affect a person! If you hear something long enough, you wonder if it’s true. You question your value and your worth. That is what the bully wants you to do. They want to chip away at you slowly until you feel like you have no value at all. Do not believe the lies. As I’ve said before, the behavior of the bully says more about THEM than it does about you. You are NOT weak … there is NOT anything wrong with you … and you did NOTHING to deserve this treatment. I’ve heard it said before that hurting people hurt people. Think about that for a moment. The bullies are hurting inside, and they lash out in an effort to hurt other people. I found out later that my former boss had issues in her home life. While this is sad, it still does not excuse the behavior! It is not right, and it should not be condoned. It should be addressed immediately and action should be taken to ensure that the bullying is stopped at once. While all of this was going on at work, I had two family members that were going through life threatening medical issues. I was supporting them through these very serious issues, and yet all the while I was stressed, I made sure NOT to take any of my stress out on those around me. If anything, what my family members were going through made me all the more compassionate, caring, and sympathetic. I said that to drive my point home that although she was having issues, she could have chosen to handle it differently than she did. I had issues, too, and yet I did NOT lash out at others!

I want to encourage you that if you are in a situation such as this, please seek help! Do not stay in an abusive situation a minute longer. If it is where you can, remove yourself as I did. I realize that it is not always that easy, and honestly, my pride did not want me to leave initially. I stayed for four years despite this treatment because of that very reason. In the end, it was not worth it, and I do wish I had left a lot earlier.

When you are bullied and are subjected to this treatment, you are put under a tremendous amount of stress. It starts affecting your health, and when it reaches that point, you realize that no job is worth that. A person can begin to have migraine headaches that has never been bothered with them before. They can develop anxiety issues that even go into panic attacks to where you feel as if you’re having a heart attack and are rushed to the emergency room just to learn that it was a panic attack the entire time. How frightening! You can develop insomnia as well. These are only some of the ways this can affect you! Depression can set in, and you can spiral downhill fast. Therefore, I urge you to seek help. You do NOT deserve this treatment at all.

If you witness someone bullying another person, PLEASE step in! Please do not sit back and watch this happen without saying anything about it! It used to not be “cool” to tell a teacher or an authority figure if you saw something taking place at school … you may even be referred to as a “tattle tail.” I beg you, though, please do not walk away when you see this happening to someone else. Please do not turn away and do nothing. Instead, please talk to a teacher or authority figure right away so it can be addressed and so this is not allowed to continue. If you witness a co-worker being bullied, address it there as well with someone higher up in management. In my case it did not make a difference, but that does not mean that others will turn a deaf ear if you talk to them about what you witnessed. Please speak up for the one that is being bullied. They may feel like there is no hope, but the moment you step in, it has the potential of changing their entire world.

Remove the labels and put an end to bullying!