Light, Love, Hope

It has taken me two months to write this post due to the hurt inflicted upon us by the pastor at a local church we attended for seven months.  Sadly, church hurt is all too common and is one of the reasons people turn away from God.  I wish I could speak with everyone ever affected by “church hurt” and let them know that the hurt came from PEOPLE, not from God!  It’s hard to separate the two when it happens in a church, though.  People automatically want to blame God.  This happened with my husband, and he swore he wasn’t going to read the bible, pray, or go to church any more.  I asked him why he felt this way.  He looked at me as if he was confused and said, “Because we just got hurt by the church!”  I was quick to point out, “Misguided people in the church hurt us.  God did not.  Don’t take it out on God!”

That’s what I would like everyone to know.  While they are supposed to be “God’s people,” HE did not hurt you.  God did not inflict this pain upon you.  People who were supposed to be representing God are the ones that hurt you!

That same pastor held a “training” where he talked about there not being any such thing as “church hurt.”  He said it wasn’t real, then turned around a few short months later and gloated in my face as he was causing the hurt and pain.  I have never experienced looking a demon in the eyes until that day.  My body literally went numb when the pastor was raising his voice and speaking untruths.  It was as if God placed a shield around me and did not allow the daggers to get through to my soul.  The assassination attempt of my heart and soul by this pastor was a failed attempt as God intervened.  He held me while this unfounded verbal assault was taking place.

What lead to this?  I requested prayer for my mother and also my friend who was scheduled to have surgery.  I did not announce this prayer request to the entire congregation.  I only requested prayer from the worship team, as I was a member of the team at that time.  I simply asked my fellow worship team members to pray for my mom and my friend.  I could see if they thought I was attention seeking by requesting anything for myself, but I was not.  Even then, I should have been able to take my prayer concerns to my fellow believers in the church and on my team.  However, I made sure to keep MY personal “stuff” out of any conversation and just request prayer for two people in my life that were going through some hard things at that point.

I’ll never know the lies being told in the background, but I’m sure there was talk about me as one leader told me a meeting was held to discuss me while I was away taking care of my friend after the surgery.  I let everyone know on the worship team as soon as I learned of my friend’s surgery date getting moved up.  I gave advance notice so they would have time to cover any services I would miss.  While I was away from church for four to five Sundays, little did I know that trouble was brewing.  It wasn’t until I was asked what my intentions were on returning that I discovered I had been the topic of conversation in my absence.

Let me be clear.

This was NOT a paid position at a church.  I was not working for the church as an employee.  I was serving in a volunteer position on the worship team.  Even still, I provided advance notice when I would be absent from the team.  I over-communicated on this to ensure there was coverage in my absence.

I learned that obviously they did not want me to come back.  They accused me of causing division when I was not even in the state at the time and was not having any type of conversation with anyone at the church during my absence.  There were no phone conversations, no private texts messages, just one message to the worship team requesting prayer for my friend prior to his surgery.

I’ll never know what went on behind my back when I was out of state.  It’s obvious that my name came up in a meeting, as I was told, and a discussion was held about me.  Instead of coming TO me, they talked ABOUT me.  The thing is, they had a training where the pastor mentioned going “TO” the person and not having conversations “ABOUT” them.  Yet, this took place where they do not practice what they preach at that church.  The pastor also talked about extending grace, yet none was extended to me.

My heart breaks for anyone hurt by the church they trusted to “be there” for them.  For anyone that served on a team at their church that later found out how toxic leadership was, my heart goes out to you.

I ignored the red flags.  I’ll be honest and say a few months before this happened, the pastor had a meeting with the worship team about “who” they should target during the Sunday morning worship time.  He drew on the dry erase white board circles of what was supposed to represent specific groups of people.  The first was the larger, outer circle representing people that only go to church on holidays.  The pastor said we did not need to target that group with our worship.  The next slightly smaller circle represented people who go to church a little more often during the year, but the pastor said we were not to target these more curious people with our worship either.  He drew another slightly smaller circle and said it represented people that were wanting more involvement in the church.  They were seeking to learn more and be involved.  THOSE were the ones the pastor said the worship team was to target.  The reason?  Because once you get them involved, it will take about two years for them to start paying tithes.  The pastor wanted those “money makers” to be targeted.  Internally, I cringed when those words came out of his mouth.  Yet, he moved on to say the slightly smaller circle he drew next were of members already involved and paying tithes, so you didn’t need to target them.  Then the smallest circle of all represented more mature people in the church, the older generation that has already served, already given and continued to give.  The worship team was instructed by the pastor to target the ones in the circle that would pay tithes once engaged within the two year time period.

Red flag.

I did not share that training with my husband until well after things eroded and the conversation was had inside the pastor’s office on the day we left the church.  While I know churches depend on tithes to pay bills and keep the church operating, you should be concerned for EVERYONE’S SOUL.  Everyone at that church should have been included and ushered into the presence of God in the morning worship time, not just those that would dig into their pockets and give to the church.

There is a positive in all of this negative with the church we previously attended.  You see, I recently sold a house.  It was a house I fought to keep at one point in my life when I went through a terrible divorce.  It was the only home my baby girl had ever known.  Even though things did not work out with her father, I did not want to uproot her from her home, so I did everything within my power to keep this house.  Thank the good Lord above, I was able to finance it into my name after paying him the equity he requested for this house.  This house served me and my family well for many, many years, as I also welcomed another beautiful baby girl after remarrying several years after the divorce.  When my husband and I bought another house across town, we kept that home so my oldest daughter would be able to stay when she got married.  She lived there several years and had a beautiful baby boy she brought home from the hospital to that very house as well.  The house saw lots of happy times, but when she and her family decided to move closer to his job, we put the house on the market.  We had an offer almost immediately, then a cash offer followed.  We, ultimately, sold it to the cash buyer, and thank the LORD I did not do what I initially thought of doing … and that was giving the church a large sum of money from the sale of my house!  Maybe I would have been deemed more valuable had I done so since their focus seemed to be more on the tithe payers.  However, it would have only been a matter of time before their true colors were showing.  I believe I held on to this money as it did not need to go into the hands of such toxic people at the church.  I am so thankful for the positive here in that I did NOT rush to pay a large sum to the church I had only attended for a few months.

For anyone hurt by people in the church or by the pastor, I want to reiterate what I started with.  GOD did not hurt you.  Toxic people, wolves in sheep’s clothing, false prophets, and others in the church may have hurt you.  However, GOD did not.   Please, with everything in me, I ask that you please not turn away from our Lord and Savior.  He loves you, and He would never turn you away like the toxic leader of this church did.  God can still take the broken pieces of your heart and mend them back together.  Please don’t harden your heart against Him.

Yes, “church hurt” is very real.  God’s healing power, His love, His grace, and His mercy are still there reaching out to you.