Ten Days Before Christmas
Ten days before Christmas we learned of another star that has taken his life. Twenty-four hours prior, there was a video posted of him dancing, smiling, and playing around. No one knew the feelings he was hiding, and no one knew that the next day he would walk down the street and take his own life at a hotel.
Ten days before Christmas and another family is shattered. They have been tossed into a whirlwind of grief like none other. They struggle to breathe from one minute to the next, unsure how air will force itself into and out of their lungs. They can’t think straight, a million different questions are swirling in their minds all while they are screaming WHY???? Why did this happen?
Ten days before Christmas they are guiltridden. They are filled with unimaginable guilt – survivor’s guilt – because they did not see or recognize the signs if there were any prior to this act. They curl up in a sobbing heap on the floor crying out with everything in them because the pain is too great.
Ten days before Christmas people are struggling in their own way each tormented with things that they don’t speak of to others.
My sister’s birthday was Tuesday, December 13th. I thought of her that day, as I always do, and what should have been. She should have been here with me celebrating her turning 54 years old. Suicide took her away from me. Postpartum depression clouded her view, and she was unable to see the love we all have for her and how we would have done anything to save her!
There was no celebrating on her birthday. There was great sadness that filled us like waves crashing onto the shore overtaking the little toddler that struggles to remain standing against the force of the ocean. The grief finally takes us down once again, just like the waves that knock the toddler into the unforgiving sand on the beach. He cries out, gasping for air, trying with all of his might to recover. We are different, yet the same.
A widow lies crying in the darkness of night as she just lost her beloved husband of 60 years to dementia a month ago. She was his beloved caregiver, and she did everything in her power to make his last days as comfortable as possible. She would climb in the bed with him and hold him as he cried wishing he had more time with his bride. She watched him slowly slip away from this life and into the next. Her grief is still fresh and raw. She struggles with her first of many holidays without the love of her life by her side.
Another woman lies crying in a heap on the floor because her husband doesn’t show he loves her. He says it, sure. But his actions do NOT line up with his words whatsoever. She cries out in her grief and pain over what should be a love-filled marriage, and yet, she knows she will not truly ever FEEL his love because he withholds it. He knows HOW to show her that he loves her, yet he refuses and she has to accept that she will not feel loved in this marriage. It’s a choice HE makes, treating others better than his own wife that he yells at when she shows her emotions and begs for him to throw a crumb of love and affection her way.
We are different, yet the same in our grief.
People are HURTING, and it is up to US to show them that they matter! It’s up to US to be kinder to others, to go the extra mile when others won’t. We have the power to change a person’s life just by being KIND to them and LOVING toward them. Don’t just say the words – SHOW IT!!! Show people that you love them and care for them. Show people that they matter.
Be there – in every way possible – whatever the need. Let people know that they are NOT ALONE! They feel alone, they hurt so deep within the core of their being, and they FEEL alone. Their feelings are their reality. They HURT … and we can help them if we just TRY!
People need to know that they matter. Come alongside someone and truly show them! Put your arms around them, embrace them, and draw them into you for a hug. A true heartfelt hug has the ability to heal hurts that are hidden deep within people.
There are people that never speak of things that haunt them daily. They suffer in silence, never letting those words pass their lips. The pain is too great to pull the scab back and expose it. It hurt too much when it happened, they can’t risk opening the wound back up again by talking about it, so they tuck their hurt and pain inside. Maybe they encountered a heartless soul that would not help them but yet shamed them for their feelings. Maybe they were told to suck it up, as if things that bothered them “shouldn’t.” Or maybe they were told things like “I don’t know why you feel that way.” BECAUSE THAT IS THEIR REALITY!!! If you have the ability to CHANGE that for someone – DO IT!!!!
Why is it so easy to be hateful and mean to people instead of wrapping their hurting hearts and souls in LOVE?! WHY do we have people that kill themselves? Because the pain they feel is so soul-crushing deep, so convincing, and they feel no one understands them or that ONE person that can make all the difference in the world CHOOSES NOT TO …
They hurt … and they just want the hurt and pain to end.
But that’s the thing. The hurt and pain do NOT end there. Instead, it is transferred over to the family members that are left behind. The pain never “goes away.” It is just heaped on top of other unsuspecting individuals who never saw it coming.
They are hit in the face by a plane that fell out of the sky from nowhere. They are leveled by the skyscrapers in New York City that come slamming down on their shoulders now.
Ten days before Christmas, this is our wake-up call. You could possibly save someone’s life just by being kind and showing love. None of us know what the person standing next to us is dealing with. Maybe they appear to be so happy and are smiling all the time, dancing around, JUST LIKE THIS STAR THAT KILLED HIMSELF!
Instead of withholding love from the lady that is begging and crying out in her overwhelming sorrow, you could change her entire world by giving the love you KNOW you have within you. Why do you “play nice” with everyone else – your acquaintances or coworkers? Why do you treat THEM better than you do your own spouse? Because you can get away with it? Because you like having “control” and “withholding” … because you “can”?
Don’t be the reason someone feels so beat down by this world and by someone living in their own homes to where they would even breathe the words, “I know why people kill themselves …” Even if that person would never act upon it, they are expressing the deep hurt, pain, and sorrow felt that would lead someone to end their own suffering.
Be the change. SHOW LOVE. BE KIND! Everyone is struggling. Don’t be the reason someone feels there is no good left in the world, instead show them love and be the reason they decide to stay …